Friday, August 27, 2010
Doctor's office goes green
What an unexpected gift! It's Friday, I have a half hour of work left before my vacation... what better way to spend it than dissecting this latest Morsch abomination?
My orthopedic surgeon (North Penn Orthopaedic Associates)
Uh-oh, Shameless Promotion Alert! Or not. I hope that Morsch does his trademark "gush about how great X place is" routine.
moved to new digs this week — from an older building in Lansdale to a brand new office building in Chalfont — and one of the first things I wanted to know from him on my most recent visit was whether or not he had any say in decorating the place.
Ho-ho, isn't Morsch such a zany, off-beat character? Who would walk into their orthopedic surgeon's office and ask about the decorating,? Or should I say, who else but Morsch? What a nut!
You see, his name is Dr. Thomas Greene and his new office is decked out in . . . all green.
Get. Out. Of. Town. This is blowing my mind.
Yeah, it could be intentional. On the other hand, green is one of your basic colors. Could just as easily have been all yellow in there.
From the carpets to the floor tiles, from the office furniture to the smocks worn by the office workers, everything is green, and a good bit of it is lime green.
I knew the 1970s would eventually come back around, which means my lime green leisure suit is back in style. (Or maybe not.)
Morsch would have felt right at home in the 1970's, when baseball players had even stranger names and our Republican presidents were EVIL Republican presidents.
“Why do you ask, because everything is green?” said a laughing Dr. Greene when I inquired. “No, I didn’t have anything to do with it.”
Dr. Greene must have an amazing bedside manner. He even pretends to be amused by Morsch's sly investigation.
I thought for sure he might have had something to do with it. Even if he didn’t, I think he should have a little fun with it and say he did.
Question: can you be "for sure" if the next words out of your mouth are "might have"?
That’s not to suggest that the décor is unattractive.
Oh, heaven forbid! Morsch rushes to retract his previous statements, lest they sound even the slightest bit critical. I mean, nothing is less funny than making fun of something, right?
It’s just a lot of green in one place. And the furniture is so new that it needs to be broken in a little bit. I offered to bounce up and down on some of the chairs while I waited, but I got right in to see the doctor and didn’t have much of a chance to contribute.
Careful there, Morsch - if the act of walking tears ligaments in your knees, just think what bouncing will do. You'll be lucky if you can even lumber to a local concert again!
Apparently my knee, on which I had surgery about six months ago, is coming along fine, which means I shouldn’t have to see much more of Dr. Greene’s green office as I continue to heal properly.
I know I ask this regularly, but - is this supposed to be funny? And can the author himself think that it's funny? The name "Greene" and the word "green" sound similar. Does that make it hilarious?
But it’s good to know that if I have some specific colors in mind for home decorating needs, I can call Dr. Greene’s designers — Interiors By Kermit The Frog.
I get it! Because he's green, right? Granted, it's got to be hard to think of funny things to say about an office being decorated in primarily green colors. It's not a very funny thing to begin with, really. "Hey, it's all green in here! And the doctor's name is Greene. Know who else is green? Kermit the Frog." Give Morsch credit for trying to make a silk purse out of sow's ear, though.
Actually I'm surprised he didn't use more phrases with "green" in them; green with envy, green-eyed monster, Fenway Park's Green Monster (baseball references ahoy!) etc. Maybe he could look up "National Green Day" on the Internets. Morsch really failed to poop all over this topic.
Labels: Dr. Thomas Greene, Mike Morsch, Montgomery Newspapers, North Penn Orthopaedic Associates, Outta Leftfield
"Orthopaedic?"
Friday, August 27, 2010
Qualify Much?
Overheard last night on 97.5 "The Fanatic." Frequent offender Dan Schwartzman, discussing Manny Ramirez:
One of the best hitters I've ever seen in the history of baseball, especially during my lifetime.
So Manny is "one of" the best hitters. Okay.
Confusion sets in when Schwartzman tosses in "I've ever seen." So now it's limited to those that the host has personally observed? Not as impressive. Confusion then mounts with "in the history of baseball" - are these players that Schwartzman has seen, including some from those grainy black-and-white-films from the 1930's or in Ken Burns's Baseball? Or is he ditching his own observations to include every hitter who has ever played the game? Then the kicker - "during my lifetime."
Any one who can successfully deduce what pool of players Schwartzman is using to gague the "best hitter" qualifications of Manny Ramirez, please let me know.
This is the same host who had a debate with himself over who deserves more money: Jason Bay or Jayson Werth. Werth wants the same money Bay got, but Schwartzman "had news" for him - he doesn't have the track record of success that Bay has. But Werth is probably still a better player than Bay. So does Werth deserve the money? Probably not. But who would Schwartzman rather have on his team? Probably Werth.
One of the best hitters I've ever seen in the history of baseball, especially during my lifetime.
So Manny is "one of" the best hitters. Okay.
Confusion sets in when Schwartzman tosses in "I've ever seen." So now it's limited to those that the host has personally observed? Not as impressive. Confusion then mounts with "in the history of baseball" - are these players that Schwartzman has seen, including some from those grainy black-and-white-films from the 1930's or in Ken Burns's Baseball? Or is he ditching his own observations to include every hitter who has ever played the game? Then the kicker - "during my lifetime."
Any one who can successfully deduce what pool of players Schwartzman is using to gague the "best hitter" qualifications of Manny Ramirez, please let me know.
This is the same host who had a debate with himself over who deserves more money: Jason Bay or Jayson Werth. Werth wants the same money Bay got, but Schwartzman "had news" for him - he doesn't have the track record of success that Bay has. But Werth is probably still a better player than Bay. So does Werth deserve the money? Probably not. But who would Schwartzman rather have on his team? Probably Werth.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
I Missed the "Humor" Part
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Laughing and singing for a cure
Question: is it even valid for Morsch to advertise this as a "humor column" anymore? The man has not written about a "funny" topic for months. Out of his nine last posts, Morsch has dwelled on a purely fanciful topic once. The other eight topics?
Morsch goes to a show in Perkasie
Morsch goes to an art show
Morsch goes to an amusement park
Morsch goes to a concert
Morsch interviews a baseball player
Morsch goes to another concert
Morsch goes to a Phillies game
Morsch watches the Three Stooges
If the column was advertised as "a boring travelogue by a humorless dope," I wouldn't have such a problem. I'm guessing that this column will consist of Morsch attending a charity show to which he urges his readers to contribute. He will make one "joke" to keep up the charade.
Bill Apter is one my favorite people in the world. I grew up reading his articles in professional wrestling magazines as a kid back in the 1970s while hanging around my central Illinois town’s news stand. I never knew then that I’d meet him some day, which I did when I moved to this area in 2003.
This could be worse than I thought. This guy was a writer for pro wrestling in the 1970's, when people had special moves like "bearhug" and "abdominal stretch"? I think we should keep track of how many people Morsch "never knew" he'd meet.
I love characters, and Bill is a character. If you’re a fan of professional “rasslin,”
Also, keep a tally of how many times Morsch thinks the word "rasslin" is amusing.
you may remember Bill’s onscreen persona, that of befuddled interviewer and announcer. The one question I always wished he would have asked the wrestlers: Why is it that you’re yelling and spitting into the television camera? I guess maybe that fit right in with the befuddled character he played.
VOOM. "What was that?" "That was the joke, mate." "Oh, that was quick. Do I get another?" "Sorry mate, that's your lot."
So the entertainment value should be high when Bill, a Dresher resident, emcees a night of singing and comedy to find a cure for breast cancer at 7 p.m. Thursday, Aug. 26, at Poco’s in Doylestown.
Shameless Promotion Alert? I mean, Morsch is using his newspaper blog to promote a show that provides a tangible benefit to someone.
Comedians Chris Rich and Chris Morris will be making guest appearances. And Bill will be yukking it up and doing a little singing himself.
So Bill will be laughing in the audience? Or do you mean he'll be making jokes and such? I believe there's some confusion over what the phrase "yukking it up" actually means.
Tickets are $15 and all proceeds from the evening will be donated to The Susan G. Komen Foundation. For tickets and more information, contact Joe Bainbridge at
610-564-9598 or Debbie Knight at 215-512-0992 or you can purchase tickets in advance at Poco's, 625 North Main St., by calling 215-348-3424.
Time to hang it up, Morsch. You're embarassing yourself.
Labels: Mike Morsch, Montgomery Newspapers, Outta Leftfield
"Hey, I want to find that hilarious post Morsch made about the cancer charity! How do I find it?" "Check the labels for 'cancer' or 'Bill Apter' or 'Susan G. Komen Foundation' or 'Poco's in Doylestown'." "...Nope, none of those things are tagged." "Okay... well then look through every single 'Outta Leftfield' post until you find it."
Laughing and singing for a cure
Question: is it even valid for Morsch to advertise this as a "humor column" anymore? The man has not written about a "funny" topic for months. Out of his nine last posts, Morsch has dwelled on a purely fanciful topic once. The other eight topics?
Morsch goes to a show in Perkasie
Morsch goes to an art show
Morsch goes to an amusement park
Morsch goes to a concert
Morsch interviews a baseball player
Morsch goes to another concert
Morsch goes to a Phillies game
Morsch watches the Three Stooges
If the column was advertised as "a boring travelogue by a humorless dope," I wouldn't have such a problem. I'm guessing that this column will consist of Morsch attending a charity show to which he urges his readers to contribute. He will make one "joke" to keep up the charade.
Bill Apter is one my favorite people in the world. I grew up reading his articles in professional wrestling magazines as a kid back in the 1970s while hanging around my central Illinois town’s news stand. I never knew then that I’d meet him some day, which I did when I moved to this area in 2003.
This could be worse than I thought. This guy was a writer for pro wrestling in the 1970's, when people had special moves like "bearhug" and "abdominal stretch"? I think we should keep track of how many people Morsch "never knew" he'd meet.
I love characters, and Bill is a character. If you’re a fan of professional “rasslin,”
Also, keep a tally of how many times Morsch thinks the word "rasslin" is amusing.
you may remember Bill’s onscreen persona, that of befuddled interviewer and announcer. The one question I always wished he would have asked the wrestlers: Why is it that you’re yelling and spitting into the television camera? I guess maybe that fit right in with the befuddled character he played.
VOOM. "What was that?" "That was the joke, mate." "Oh, that was quick. Do I get another?" "Sorry mate, that's your lot."
So the entertainment value should be high when Bill, a Dresher resident, emcees a night of singing and comedy to find a cure for breast cancer at 7 p.m. Thursday, Aug. 26, at Poco’s in Doylestown.
Shameless Promotion Alert? I mean, Morsch is using his newspaper blog to promote a show that provides a tangible benefit to someone.
Comedians Chris Rich and Chris Morris will be making guest appearances. And Bill will be yukking it up and doing a little singing himself.
So Bill will be laughing in the audience? Or do you mean he'll be making jokes and such? I believe there's some confusion over what the phrase "yukking it up" actually means.
Tickets are $15 and all proceeds from the evening will be donated to The Susan G. Komen Foundation. For tickets and more information, contact Joe Bainbridge at
610-564-9598 or Debbie Knight at 215-512-0992 or you can purchase tickets in advance at Poco's, 625 North Main St., by calling 215-348-3424.
Time to hang it up, Morsch. You're embarassing yourself.
Labels: Mike Morsch, Montgomery Newspapers, Outta Leftfield
"Hey, I want to find that hilarious post Morsch made about the cancer charity! How do I find it?" "Check the labels for 'cancer' or 'Bill Apter' or 'Susan G. Komen Foundation' or 'Poco's in Doylestown'." "...Nope, none of those things are tagged." "Okay... well then look through every single 'Outta Leftfield' post until you find it."
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Morsch Steals from Himself
Well, Morsch hasn't posted anything since August 5th - time for another trip down the cracked and crumbling facade that is Morsch's memory lane. Delving into the August 2009 Outta Leftfield archives, I stumbled upon this... suspiciously familiar article...
Friday, August 7, 2009
Nyuking it up at Ambler Theater
The title of Morsch's 2010 article: "Big nyuks on the big screen." It's almost frightening to see how little his art has advanced in a year.
Decades and generations later, funny is still funny.
Decades and generations later, this will still NOT be funny.
Take The Three Stooges, for example, which a full house of fans of all ages did recently at the Ambler Theater.
For the fifth year, The Three Stooges Fan Club and its president, Gary Lassin of Gwynedd Valley, hosted a Stooges film festival at the theater.
From the 2010 article: Thanks to the Ambler Theater and Gary Lassin, president of The Three Stooges Fan Club... that’s been an annual opportunity for local fans over the past several years. And as I noted at the time, Morsch has been to this event numerous times, and apparently written this exact same article numerous times as well.
Gary had told me in an interview to preview the event that when the Stooges filmed these “shorts” — named so because they ran from 16 to 18 minutes long as opposed to full-length feature films from the 1930s and 1940s — they were intended to be seen on the big screen rather than on television, because, well, there was no television at the time.
I do notice one difference between these articles: the 2010 version is much shorter. It's like Morsch has lost enthusiasm for even his trademark "informative lectures with information stolen from Wikipedia."
Television would later introduce the Stooges to another generation of fans in the 1960s and 1970s, when the short films were deemed perfect small-screen vehicles. The end result is that few baby-boomers and those younger have experienced the Stooges as they were intended to be seen — on the big screen.
From the 2010 article: There’s really nothing quite like seeing The Three Stooges as they were originally meant to be seen: on the big screen. Good God. Do you think Morsch is even consciously recycling his material here? Or is he just such a poor writer that he doesn't realize he's producing the same crap year in and year out?
So hats off to the Ambler Theater for providing local Stooges fans the opportunity to do just that.
Ooh, shades of his atrocious "evening out in Ambler" article! Will he rave about other local venues in this one as well? No, no, not when the Stooges are involved, surely.
Gary had suggested that it was a different experience to watch the Stooges with a theater full of people than it was to sit at home and nyuk it up by oneself while watching the Stooges on TV.
From the 2010 article: I’ve been to this event in the past, and the most enjoyable part for me is viewing the Stooges with an audience... it’s even more entertaining to have the real-life laugh track courtesy of a theater full of people to heighten the Stooges experience. How dare he. What awards has this column won again? A dog eats its own vomit and barfs it up again - Morsch is doing the literary equivalent here.
And he was right. The antics of the Stooges cracked up the crowd — and me, of course — especially that tried and true Stooges routine — the pie fight. People in the theater were not just giggling, but hooting, har-dee-har-har belly laughing.
That's too many dashes for one sentence. A colon would work just as well for the last one. I also find it hard to believe that people would be laughing out loud at a pie fight.
Despite having seen them many times over the years,
No kidding.
I enjoyed the five films that were shown — interspersed with comments from Gary about the history of each film and some things to watch for, like bloopers — but there was an exchange before the show started that I enjoyed even more.
We have two options here. 1.) A special guest star, like a Stooge impersonator. 2.) Something that is supposed to be funny but really isn't.
While I was sitting in the first row chatting with Gary beforehand, Gary’s parents walked down to the stage to greet him.
Looks like we're going with Option 2.
When I asked Mrs. Lassin if she was a fan before her son got heavily involved with the Stooges — Gary also is owner and curator of the Stoogeum, a museum of his personal collection of Stooges memorabilia in Springhouse — she replied, “Oh my, no.”
2010 article: Gary Lassin... curator of the fabulous Stoogeum museum in Spring House....
“She was one of the moms that didn’t mind the eye pokes on TV but insisted I didn’t run with scissors,” said Gary.
“I didn’t care what they did to each other,” replied Mrs. Lassin without missing a beat. “I cared about what happened to you.”
This doesn't even make sense. Of all the reasons for being upset when your son becomes obsessed with the Stooges, why pick "He might get hurt"? How about "He might become a social reject" or "He might one day be featured in a story by Michael Morsch"?
Soitenly spoken like a true mom.
Aaaaand BOOM. The payoff.
Labels: Ambler Theater, Mike Morsch, Montgomery Newspapers, Outta Leftfield, Stoogeum, Three Stooges
Not "The" Three Stooges - just Three Stooges.
Friday, August 7, 2009
Nyuking it up at Ambler Theater
The title of Morsch's 2010 article: "Big nyuks on the big screen." It's almost frightening to see how little his art has advanced in a year.
Decades and generations later, funny is still funny.
Decades and generations later, this will still NOT be funny.
Take The Three Stooges, for example, which a full house of fans of all ages did recently at the Ambler Theater.
For the fifth year, The Three Stooges Fan Club and its president, Gary Lassin of Gwynedd Valley, hosted a Stooges film festival at the theater.
From the 2010 article: Thanks to the Ambler Theater and Gary Lassin, president of The Three Stooges Fan Club... that’s been an annual opportunity for local fans over the past several years. And as I noted at the time, Morsch has been to this event numerous times, and apparently written this exact same article numerous times as well.
Gary had told me in an interview to preview the event that when the Stooges filmed these “shorts” — named so because they ran from 16 to 18 minutes long as opposed to full-length feature films from the 1930s and 1940s — they were intended to be seen on the big screen rather than on television, because, well, there was no television at the time.
I do notice one difference between these articles: the 2010 version is much shorter. It's like Morsch has lost enthusiasm for even his trademark "informative lectures with information stolen from Wikipedia."
Television would later introduce the Stooges to another generation of fans in the 1960s and 1970s, when the short films were deemed perfect small-screen vehicles. The end result is that few baby-boomers and those younger have experienced the Stooges as they were intended to be seen — on the big screen.
From the 2010 article: There’s really nothing quite like seeing The Three Stooges as they were originally meant to be seen: on the big screen. Good God. Do you think Morsch is even consciously recycling his material here? Or is he just such a poor writer that he doesn't realize he's producing the same crap year in and year out?
So hats off to the Ambler Theater for providing local Stooges fans the opportunity to do just that.
Ooh, shades of his atrocious "evening out in Ambler" article! Will he rave about other local venues in this one as well? No, no, not when the Stooges are involved, surely.
Gary had suggested that it was a different experience to watch the Stooges with a theater full of people than it was to sit at home and nyuk it up by oneself while watching the Stooges on TV.
From the 2010 article: I’ve been to this event in the past, and the most enjoyable part for me is viewing the Stooges with an audience... it’s even more entertaining to have the real-life laugh track courtesy of a theater full of people to heighten the Stooges experience. How dare he. What awards has this column won again? A dog eats its own vomit and barfs it up again - Morsch is doing the literary equivalent here.
And he was right. The antics of the Stooges cracked up the crowd — and me, of course — especially that tried and true Stooges routine — the pie fight. People in the theater were not just giggling, but hooting, har-dee-har-har belly laughing.
That's too many dashes for one sentence. A colon would work just as well for the last one. I also find it hard to believe that people would be laughing out loud at a pie fight.
Despite having seen them many times over the years,
No kidding.
I enjoyed the five films that were shown — interspersed with comments from Gary about the history of each film and some things to watch for, like bloopers — but there was an exchange before the show started that I enjoyed even more.
We have two options here. 1.) A special guest star, like a Stooge impersonator. 2.) Something that is supposed to be funny but really isn't.
While I was sitting in the first row chatting with Gary beforehand, Gary’s parents walked down to the stage to greet him.
Looks like we're going with Option 2.
When I asked Mrs. Lassin if she was a fan before her son got heavily involved with the Stooges — Gary also is owner and curator of the Stoogeum, a museum of his personal collection of Stooges memorabilia in Springhouse — she replied, “Oh my, no.”
2010 article: Gary Lassin... curator of the fabulous Stoogeum museum in Spring House....
“She was one of the moms that didn’t mind the eye pokes on TV but insisted I didn’t run with scissors,” said Gary.
“I didn’t care what they did to each other,” replied Mrs. Lassin without missing a beat. “I cared about what happened to you.”
This doesn't even make sense. Of all the reasons for being upset when your son becomes obsessed with the Stooges, why pick "He might get hurt"? How about "He might become a social reject" or "He might one day be featured in a story by Michael Morsch"?
Soitenly spoken like a true mom.
Aaaaand BOOM. The payoff.
Labels: Ambler Theater, Mike Morsch, Montgomery Newspapers, Outta Leftfield, Stoogeum, Three Stooges
Not "The" Three Stooges - just Three Stooges.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
A Trip Into the Past
Maybe the struggle of making bi-weekly two-paragraph posts is taking its toll on Morsch; he hasn't published a full-length column in months, and his blog has been sorely neglected. So, given the lack of fresh material, I thought it would be swell to look back at August 2009 and see what issues weighed upon our scribe's mind.
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Talking with Jim "Kitty" Kaat a doggone pleasure
Ah, the pun is as terrible as one might expect. Good to know it was always this way.
When I was a kid, my dad used to buy me baseball cards, and oftentimes I would go out to the steps of our front porch and open those treasured cardboard pictures of my heroes, gobble down the sometimes stale bubblegum and eagerly search for the Roberto Clemente, Hank Aaron, Willie Mays or Mickey Mantle cards.
A preview of his magnificently rambling "Magic of Baseball Cards" article? This is so exciting. I feel like I'm cracking open King Tut's tomb.
Inevitably, I wouldn’t find as many of the aforementioned stars as I would have liked, but I could always count on finding plenty of cards or players like Jesse Gonder, Ed Brinkman, Gates Brown, Gus Gil, Jerry McNertney or Coco Laboy.
And Jim Kaat.
Nice lead-in. Morsch's writing skills have clearly declined - nowadays he would open it with, "I always loved baseball cards, and of course Jim Kaat got a card, since he played baseball." Although if this is an interview with Jim Kaat, Morsch just insulted him. "I always wanted a Mickey Mantle card... but I'll settle for a loser like Jim Kaat."
Kaat was a pitcher for the Minnesota Twins in the 1960s and early 1970s. Despite Minnesota being in relative geographic proximity to my home in Illinois, I was pretty ambivalent about the Twins. I grew up smack dab in the middle of Chicago Cubs and St. Louis Cardinals country, so I was more familiar with those teams. Even then, I didn’t follow them as closely as my pals because I was, it seemed, the only Pittsburgh Pirates fan in Illinois.
Wow. We had to wind our way through that byzantine paragraph just to learn he liked the Pirates? Classic Morsch emphasis on ridiculously uninteresting details.
Kaat went on to have a pretty distinguished career. He pitched 25 years in the big leagues — spending 1976-1979 with the Phillies — and is the third longest-tenured pitcher in the history of the game behind Nolan Ryan with 27 years and Tommy John with 26 years.
I believe Jamie Moyer tied him this year.
He amassed 283 career wins as a pitcher and holds the record for pitchers by earning 16 consecutive Gold Glove Awards from 1960-1975. Kaat has long been considered in Hall of Fame discussions, but has yet to receive that call.
Interesting, but we haven't heard a word from the distinguished Mr. Kaat and the story is almost half over.
His nickname is Jim “Kitty” Kaat, mostly because his last name looks like it could be pronounced “cat.” In fact, it is pronounced “cot” but the nickname stuck nonetheless.
Drowning... in... unnecessary... information...
After his playing career, Kaat served many years as a television baseball broadcaster for many stations and his work in the broadcast booth earned him seven Emmy Awards for sports casting.
Heck, after using "many" to describe two aspects of Kaat's broadcasting career, I'm surprised Morsch specified the number of Emmys he won. These days he doesn't even expend the 33.3% effort that required.
I got a chance to talk to Mr. Kaat last week. Turns out that growing up in Michigan, he was a big fan of Connie Mack’s Philadelphia Athletics. Because of that connection, he has been invited by the Hatboro-based Philadelphia Athletics Historical Society to be its keynote speaker and guest at a society breakfast Oct. 4 at Williamson’s Restaurant in Horsham.
Oh, finally! The history lesson is over. What great quotes did Morsch get? What wisdom did Kaat share?
In the interest of full disclosure, I am on the board of directors for the A’s Society and my reason for speaking with Kaat was to write a story for the society’s newsletter. That story will also appear in the Public Spirit, which covers Hatboro and Horsham for Montgomery Newspapers, in an upcoming edition prior to the Oct. 4 event.
Um... okay. What? Oh... what? This statement is like the precurser to Morsch's "Shameless Promotion Alerts."
Kaat is a gentleman, told some great baseball stories and came across as a genuine fan of the game of baseball. I went home that evening and dug through all my old baseball cards to find Jim Kaat cards, of which I had plenty, just as I remembered.
First off, I like the skeptical tone Morsch (unintentionally) uses - Kaat only "came across", as a baseball fan. The bastard probably secretly hates the game.
So your story is called "Talking with Jim 'Kitty' Kaat," and yet all of one paragraph even references what Morsch talked to him about. Not a single quote from the gentleman to be found.
Sometimes, I can’t believe how lucky I am to do what I do for a living. For a baseball guy like me, talking to a baseball guy like Jim “Kitty” Kaat was just a doggone pleasure.
Yeah, I'll bet Jim had some great stories to tell. Any chance we can hear one of them? No?
It took me back to the steps of my front porch some 40 years ago. There I would sit, opening packs of baseball cards that my dad have given me, and pull out a cardboard treasure of Jim Kaat, never dreaming then that the man on the card and I would someday have a chat about a game we both love.
"...that my dad have given me," huh? Yep, this story was definitely the father of the "Magic of Baseball Cards" column that Morsch views as his magnum opus. Although it isn't as laughable as that one, it's much lamer. No wonder Morsch is lucky to do this for a living - all his job requires is for him to claim that he spoke with someone.
Labels: Jim Kaat, Mike Morsch, Montgomery Newspapers, Outta Leftfield, Philadelphia Athletics Historical Society
Welcome to Morsch's Big Bag O' Labels, Mr. Kaat. You'll never be referenced again.
Saturday, August 15, 2009
Talking with Jim "Kitty" Kaat a doggone pleasure
Ah, the pun is as terrible as one might expect. Good to know it was always this way.
When I was a kid, my dad used to buy me baseball cards, and oftentimes I would go out to the steps of our front porch and open those treasured cardboard pictures of my heroes, gobble down the sometimes stale bubblegum and eagerly search for the Roberto Clemente, Hank Aaron, Willie Mays or Mickey Mantle cards.
A preview of his magnificently rambling "Magic of Baseball Cards" article? This is so exciting. I feel like I'm cracking open King Tut's tomb.
Inevitably, I wouldn’t find as many of the aforementioned stars as I would have liked, but I could always count on finding plenty of cards or players like Jesse Gonder, Ed Brinkman, Gates Brown, Gus Gil, Jerry McNertney or Coco Laboy.
And Jim Kaat.
Nice lead-in. Morsch's writing skills have clearly declined - nowadays he would open it with, "I always loved baseball cards, and of course Jim Kaat got a card, since he played baseball." Although if this is an interview with Jim Kaat, Morsch just insulted him. "I always wanted a Mickey Mantle card... but I'll settle for a loser like Jim Kaat."
Kaat was a pitcher for the Minnesota Twins in the 1960s and early 1970s. Despite Minnesota being in relative geographic proximity to my home in Illinois, I was pretty ambivalent about the Twins. I grew up smack dab in the middle of Chicago Cubs and St. Louis Cardinals country, so I was more familiar with those teams. Even then, I didn’t follow them as closely as my pals because I was, it seemed, the only Pittsburgh Pirates fan in Illinois.
Wow. We had to wind our way through that byzantine paragraph just to learn he liked the Pirates? Classic Morsch emphasis on ridiculously uninteresting details.
Kaat went on to have a pretty distinguished career. He pitched 25 years in the big leagues — spending 1976-1979 with the Phillies — and is the third longest-tenured pitcher in the history of the game behind Nolan Ryan with 27 years and Tommy John with 26 years.
I believe Jamie Moyer tied him this year.
He amassed 283 career wins as a pitcher and holds the record for pitchers by earning 16 consecutive Gold Glove Awards from 1960-1975. Kaat has long been considered in Hall of Fame discussions, but has yet to receive that call.
Interesting, but we haven't heard a word from the distinguished Mr. Kaat and the story is almost half over.
His nickname is Jim “Kitty” Kaat, mostly because his last name looks like it could be pronounced “cat.” In fact, it is pronounced “cot” but the nickname stuck nonetheless.
Drowning... in... unnecessary... information...
After his playing career, Kaat served many years as a television baseball broadcaster for many stations and his work in the broadcast booth earned him seven Emmy Awards for sports casting.
Heck, after using "many" to describe two aspects of Kaat's broadcasting career, I'm surprised Morsch specified the number of Emmys he won. These days he doesn't even expend the 33.3% effort that required.
I got a chance to talk to Mr. Kaat last week. Turns out that growing up in Michigan, he was a big fan of Connie Mack’s Philadelphia Athletics. Because of that connection, he has been invited by the Hatboro-based Philadelphia Athletics Historical Society to be its keynote speaker and guest at a society breakfast Oct. 4 at Williamson’s Restaurant in Horsham.
Oh, finally! The history lesson is over. What great quotes did Morsch get? What wisdom did Kaat share?
In the interest of full disclosure, I am on the board of directors for the A’s Society and my reason for speaking with Kaat was to write a story for the society’s newsletter. That story will also appear in the Public Spirit, which covers Hatboro and Horsham for Montgomery Newspapers, in an upcoming edition prior to the Oct. 4 event.
Um... okay. What? Oh... what? This statement is like the precurser to Morsch's "Shameless Promotion Alerts."
Kaat is a gentleman, told some great baseball stories and came across as a genuine fan of the game of baseball. I went home that evening and dug through all my old baseball cards to find Jim Kaat cards, of which I had plenty, just as I remembered.
First off, I like the skeptical tone Morsch (unintentionally) uses - Kaat only "came across", as a baseball fan. The bastard probably secretly hates the game.
So your story is called "Talking with Jim 'Kitty' Kaat," and yet all of one paragraph even references what Morsch talked to him about. Not a single quote from the gentleman to be found.
Sometimes, I can’t believe how lucky I am to do what I do for a living. For a baseball guy like me, talking to a baseball guy like Jim “Kitty” Kaat was just a doggone pleasure.
Yeah, I'll bet Jim had some great stories to tell. Any chance we can hear one of them? No?
It took me back to the steps of my front porch some 40 years ago. There I would sit, opening packs of baseball cards that my dad have given me, and pull out a cardboard treasure of Jim Kaat, never dreaming then that the man on the card and I would someday have a chat about a game we both love.
"...that my dad have given me," huh? Yep, this story was definitely the father of the "Magic of Baseball Cards" column that Morsch views as his magnum opus. Although it isn't as laughable as that one, it's much lamer. No wonder Morsch is lucky to do this for a living - all his job requires is for him to claim that he spoke with someone.
Labels: Jim Kaat, Mike Morsch, Montgomery Newspapers, Outta Leftfield, Philadelphia Athletics Historical Society
Welcome to Morsch's Big Bag O' Labels, Mr. Kaat. You'll never be referenced again.
Monday, August 9, 2010
Two Favorite Topics
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Big nyuks on the big screen
NO. No, I simply refuse to believe this. Can this man really, honestly, be dragging yet another post from the cold, dead hands of the Three Stooges? As soon as this post is done, I'm going back and labeling his Stooge posts - the only thing that seemingly comes close to this topic in Morsch's affection is baseball.
There’s really nothing quite like seeing The Three Stooges as they were originally meant to be seen: on the big screen.
Ugh. Hasn't he seen them like 100 times at the Ambler Theater? How can there be any novelty left in this?
Thanks to the Ambler Theater and Gary Lassin, president of The Three Stooges Fan Club and curator of the fabulous Stoogeum museum in Spring House, that’s been an annual opportunity for local fans over the past several years.
I know this man far, far too well. This is at least the second time he's mentioned the Ambler Theater, and at least the third time he's mentioned the Stoogeum. How boring must this man's life be when his "looks on the lighter side" are confined to concerts he's attended, baseball, and the Three Stooges?
The theater and Lassin hosted the seventh annual Stoogefest with the program titled, “Classic Shorts on the Big Screen,” Wednesday evening in Ambler.
As usual, the place was packed with knuckleheads, knuckleheadettes and little knuckleheads, all nyuk-nyuk-nyukking it up at the antics of the Stooges on the big screen.
After using "knuckleheads," is the best he could do for children really "little knuckleheads"? Reflecting on Morsch's post about tearing up his knees while WALKING, I can now see how such a freak injury is possible - he has never stretched any part of his body, least of all his imagination.
I’ve been to this event in the past, and the most enjoyable part for me is viewing the Stooges with an audience. I grew up watching the boys on television and the only audience in our house was my brother and I. While it’s highly entertaining to watch my brother — and man of few words and guarded emotions — chortle at the Stooges, it’s even more entertaining to have the real-life laugh track courtesy of a theater full of people to heighten the Stooges experience.
Translation: this event was so devoid of interest that the only thing Morsch can say to recommend it was "there were other humans there."
This year’s event included an appearance by Moe impersonator Jay Novelli and Curly impersonator Jay Montagna, always entertaining in their interpretations of the comedy legends.
Translation: the impressions by Novelli and Montagna were so lame that the only nice thing Morsch can say about them is "they did impressions."
I couldn’t stay for the whole program this year, but I really appreciate and enjoy having access to all the Stooges history right here in our own back yard.
So to boil down this post (did I miss the "humor" aspect to this one?): Morsch watched the Three Stooges with some other people. There were people doing impressions of Moe and Curly (but, oddly, not Larry or Shemp). And Morsch left halfway through.
Labels: Mike Morsch, Montgomery Newspapers, Outta Leftfield, The Three Stooges
Please also note these Twitter posts:
That was a huge Chooch poop.
7:27 PM Aug 5th via web
I think all subsequent Carlos Ruiz home runs from here on out should be referred as "Chooch Poops." T-shirts to follow.
7:48 PM Aug 5th via web
Yesterday, Nephew of Captain Eggyolk thought it would be amusing to refer to Buddy the Cake Boss as Buddy the "Poop Boss," and suggested that he produced "poop cakes" in his shop. He thought it was funny because he's 3 years old, and I thought it was funny that he was so tickled by the idea.
Michael Morsch, 50-some executive newspaper editor, likes to refer to baseball hits as "poops." The question I must now ask myself is why my nephew was never offered his own blog.
Big nyuks on the big screen
NO. No, I simply refuse to believe this. Can this man really, honestly, be dragging yet another post from the cold, dead hands of the Three Stooges? As soon as this post is done, I'm going back and labeling his Stooge posts - the only thing that seemingly comes close to this topic in Morsch's affection is baseball.
There’s really nothing quite like seeing The Three Stooges as they were originally meant to be seen: on the big screen.
Ugh. Hasn't he seen them like 100 times at the Ambler Theater? How can there be any novelty left in this?
Thanks to the Ambler Theater and Gary Lassin, president of The Three Stooges Fan Club and curator of the fabulous Stoogeum museum in Spring House, that’s been an annual opportunity for local fans over the past several years.
I know this man far, far too well. This is at least the second time he's mentioned the Ambler Theater, and at least the third time he's mentioned the Stoogeum. How boring must this man's life be when his "looks on the lighter side" are confined to concerts he's attended, baseball, and the Three Stooges?
The theater and Lassin hosted the seventh annual Stoogefest with the program titled, “Classic Shorts on the Big Screen,” Wednesday evening in Ambler.
As usual, the place was packed with knuckleheads, knuckleheadettes and little knuckleheads, all nyuk-nyuk-nyukking it up at the antics of the Stooges on the big screen.
After using "knuckleheads," is the best he could do for children really "little knuckleheads"? Reflecting on Morsch's post about tearing up his knees while WALKING, I can now see how such a freak injury is possible - he has never stretched any part of his body, least of all his imagination.
I’ve been to this event in the past, and the most enjoyable part for me is viewing the Stooges with an audience. I grew up watching the boys on television and the only audience in our house was my brother and I. While it’s highly entertaining to watch my brother — and man of few words and guarded emotions — chortle at the Stooges, it’s even more entertaining to have the real-life laugh track courtesy of a theater full of people to heighten the Stooges experience.
Translation: this event was so devoid of interest that the only thing Morsch can say to recommend it was "there were other humans there."
This year’s event included an appearance by Moe impersonator Jay Novelli and Curly impersonator Jay Montagna, always entertaining in their interpretations of the comedy legends.
Translation: the impressions by Novelli and Montagna were so lame that the only nice thing Morsch can say about them is "they did impressions."
I couldn’t stay for the whole program this year, but I really appreciate and enjoy having access to all the Stooges history right here in our own back yard.
So to boil down this post (did I miss the "humor" aspect to this one?): Morsch watched the Three Stooges with some other people. There were people doing impressions of Moe and Curly (but, oddly, not Larry or Shemp). And Morsch left halfway through.
Labels: Mike Morsch, Montgomery Newspapers, Outta Leftfield, The Three Stooges
Please also note these Twitter posts:
That was a huge Chooch poop.
7:27 PM Aug 5th via web
I think all subsequent Carlos Ruiz home runs from here on out should be referred as "Chooch Poops." T-shirts to follow.
7:48 PM Aug 5th via web
Yesterday, Nephew of Captain Eggyolk thought it would be amusing to refer to Buddy the Cake Boss as Buddy the "Poop Boss," and suggested that he produced "poop cakes" in his shop. He thought it was funny because he's 3 years old, and I thought it was funny that he was so tickled by the idea.
Michael Morsch, 50-some executive newspaper editor, likes to refer to baseball hits as "poops." The question I must now ask myself is why my nephew was never offered his own blog.
Monday, August 2, 2010
Demonstrably False Statement
Polanco is the best clutch hitter on the team with RISP.
about 17 hours ago via web
Really, Mr. Morsch?
Phillies Batting Averages, Runners In Scoring Position
Jimmy Rollins - .361
Shane Victorino - .313
Ross Gload - .304(!!!)
Chase Utley - .300
Raul Ibanez - .293
Ryan Howard - .282
Placido Polanco - .279
Carlos Ruiz - .271
Jayson Werth - .157
So he really IS the best with RISP, except for the six guys who are better than he is. Does Morsch know what baseball statistics even mean?
about 17 hours ago via web
Really, Mr. Morsch?
Phillies Batting Averages, Runners In Scoring Position
Jimmy Rollins - .361
Shane Victorino - .313
Ross Gload - .304(!!!)
Chase Utley - .300
Raul Ibanez - .293
Ryan Howard - .282
Placido Polanco - .279
Carlos Ruiz - .271
Jayson Werth - .157
So he really IS the best with RISP, except for the six guys who are better than he is. Does Morsch know what baseball statistics even mean?
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