My friends, it cannot be denied: victory is, at long last, mine.
What tremendous changes a year and a half can bring! The glorious undertaking known as Inta Rightfield was begun as a way to protest the wretched writing, lazy journalism, slipshod editing and overall pomposity of one Michael Morsch. His output, both in print and on his Outta Leftfield weblog, was once prodigious, a tide of dreck that I battled with every ounce of my satiric strength.
As time went by, I received reports that Morsch himself (or Borsch, as I fondly called him) had chanced upon this blog and suspected that one of his disrespectful underlings was behind it. I heard from his former employees and co-workers, who uniformly verified the fact that he was - and is - a blundering, obnoxious clod. In a desperate attempt to prevent my routine ribbings, he even made his Twitter account private. Enthusiastic readers continued to tip me off about his work.
By 2012, however, it seemed as though ol' Mike had run out of steam. His weblog was virtually abandoned, and his print columns had degenerated into stale old re-hashes of his past glories. It was around the time that he self-published a book (it can now be purchased for $0.59, used, on Amazon) that I decided my work was most likely done, and turned my attention to other pursuits.
Then came the news in 2013: Montgomery Media executive editor to become Montgomery County director of voter services. Our boy had somehow wormed his way into a plush $75K political hack position. His qualifications? Meh! Who needs 'em? But it was true - my old foe was finally abandoning the profession of which he had made a mockery for so long. I'm not one to gloat, though. The knowledge that Outta Leftfield was dead was enough for me.
But then a curious thing happened. On a whim, knowing that he had just gone through his first round of real elections, I checked up on Morsch. His Twitter feed is again public, and again filled with inane baseball observations! One recent comment, to a nationally syndicated columnist, states, "The editing on this story is embarrassing." Yep! He's still, to borrow a quote from Dubya, "a Major-League asshole."
I also found a Letter to the Editor in the Ambler Gazette: Former Motgomery Media Executive Editor Michael Morsch will be missed. And at the bottom, nestled there like shining packages on Christmas morning, were two comments:
Steve - Yeah, I'm sure the Stoogeum and John Oates are also upset about him leaving. Who will be there to constantly write about them now?
Tex 2670 - Seriously--how about a little spell check???
These comments, ladies and gentleman, made my day and prompted my final post here. The power of Morsch has been broken (he routinely deleted negative comments like these). What's more, this very day, I learned that he had been dismissed from his cushy political appointment, and that the decision "wasn't his."
Of Michael "Mike" Morsch himself, what else can really be said? He was terrible. At his chosen profession - editor-cum-humor-columnist - he was not just awful, but also blissfully unaware of his own incompetence. He was a cliche, his "humor" and "knowledge" culled from Wikipedia and Animal House. He was also a martinet, using his position of authority to abuse his underlings, steal plush assignments for himself, and silence criticism. He was one of a breed of big, dumb bullies that everyone will meet in their lifetime. But as the comments above (and the recent news of his canning) revealed to me, the word was out on Morsch. Other people were watching, laughing, and shaking their heads.
Perhaps Inta Rightfield did a little good after all.
Showing posts with label Poor Journalism. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Poor Journalism. Show all posts
Monday, February 17, 2014
Monday, February 20, 2012
Articles in Stasis
Terri Clark loves getting up close with audience
Published: Tuesday, February 14, 2012
By Mike Morsch
Executive Editor
Oh, joy! Two Borsch trademarks: hogging an interview with a minor celeb, and talking about a concert at the Sellersville Theater. Will the intimacy of the venue be discussed, possibly with a "living room" reference?
On her last visit to the Sellersville Theater 1894, Terri Clark was very much aware of the intimacy the theater offers its performers, so much so that it made her worry about her eyebrows.
To paraphrase the creepy General from White Christmas: We have established the fact that the Theater is intimate. Can now discuss something - anything - else about this venue?
“The crowd seemed so much more up close to me,” said Clark, known for such No. 1 hits as “You’re Easy on the Eyes” and “Girls Lie, Too.” “They’re like in your lap. This time, I just need to make sure I pluck my eyebrows so they won’t be able to see the strays.”
You are close to the audience there. I get it.
Proper unruly hair maintenance aside, fans will once again get an up-close- and-personal look at Clark during her already-sold-out stop here for the “Roots & Wings” unplugged acoustic tour at 8 p.m. Saturday, Feb. 25.
What does "proper unruly hair maintenance" mean? Seriously. What does "proper" apply to? Does "unruly" apply to the maintenance or to the hair?
Although there is new music included, the show will have a similar vibe to the one the Canadian singer-songwriter performed at ST94 in October 2010. It will be just Clark and a handful of guitars onstage, singing and engaging with the crowd that appears to be sitting in her lap.
From Borsch's November 1, 2010 story about said concert: "...show that she hopes is 'like sitting in a living room at a party with someone who has a guitar in her lap.'"
Clark then describes this show, which she says will be even better than her last one (and, presumably, even more intimate).
That’s taking it up to an ever higher level, considering what Clark was dealing with the last time she was in Sellersville. She had lost her mother, Linda, to cancer just six months earlier.
Borsch mentions this in his November 1 2010 article AND his January 4 2011 article, both about the same concert. I'm beginning to wonder if we are going to learn anything about Ms. Clark that we didn't know 1 1/2 years ago.
Clark said with this new CD — her eighth studio album, which includes the song “Smile,” written for her mom and one that she sang in the 2010 show here even before it had been recorded — she took more of a fun and lighthearted approach to making the album.
Watch out, folks - it's the Borsch Dash! Can't figure out a way to smoothly integrate information into your story? Just jam unrelated bits of trivia between a pair of dashes! Make the dashed-off aside longer than the sentence containing it! The beauty of this strategy is that the information doesn't necessarily have to relate to the surrounding narrative. For instance:
"Ms. Clark - who once ran naked through the National Mall - is a big fan of smooth jazz."
JOURNALISM!
Just last week, Clark — already an eight-time Canadian Country Music Association Entertainer of the Year — scored a JUNO Award nomination for “Roots & Wings” for country album of the year. The JUNO Awards are presented annually to Canadian musical artists and bands.
This is just lazy writing. The sentence could very easily have been written: "Clark, who is already an eight-time Canadian Country Music Association Entertainer of the Year, scored a JUNO Award nomination... last week." This is further proof that Borsch never re-reads or edits his articles.
Clark, who has been an independent artist since walking away from her record deal with Sony/BMG in 2008 and doesn’t get much, if any, play time on U.S. radio now, has been able to create buzz for her new music through social network sites such as Facebook and Twitter.
See? See that? Why couldn't he have done that before? Of course, this particular sentence is already pretty bad without the dashes.
As for the ST94, Clark liked it the last time and said she’s going to like performing there again.
“The show I did there in Sellersville was one of my favorite ones on the last tour and that’s why we’re coming back,” she said. “I find the audience in that part of the country is so engaged in the singer-songwriter vibe. They really appreciate the organic side of things so much.”
From his last article: "...the northeast hillbillies in the crowd — whom Clark suggested could be considered more “sophisticated” than hillbillies in other parts of the country -..."
That doesn’t mean, though, that Clark won’t ever take to the road again with her band, even though she likes the unplugged gigs quite a lot.
“I might start staggering every other year — doing an unplugged tour and then going back and doing a band tour,” she said. “That keeps things fresh for me as well as the fan base. I did the same show for 15 years. That’s the whole reason for doing this [unplugged] tour. But I don’t want the fans to get this show now for the next 15 years. I want to bounce back and forth and keep it fresh for everybody.”
Yeah, that's the end of the article.
I found this fascinating. Except for a few sentences, you could switch the "previews" he wrote in 2010 and 2012 and not be able to tell the difference. Intimate venue, mother's cancer, alone on stage. Tell me, Mr. Borsch: is it satisfying to know that your "craft" has not evolved in the least over these two years?
By the way... if the show is already sold out... this preview seems a tad unnecessary, doesn't it?
Published: Tuesday, February 14, 2012
By Mike Morsch
Executive Editor
Oh, joy! Two Borsch trademarks: hogging an interview with a minor celeb, and talking about a concert at the Sellersville Theater. Will the intimacy of the venue be discussed, possibly with a "living room" reference?
On her last visit to the Sellersville Theater 1894, Terri Clark was very much aware of the intimacy the theater offers its performers, so much so that it made her worry about her eyebrows.
To paraphrase the creepy General from White Christmas: We have established the fact that the Theater is intimate. Can now discuss something - anything - else about this venue?
“The crowd seemed so much more up close to me,” said Clark, known for such No. 1 hits as “You’re Easy on the Eyes” and “Girls Lie, Too.” “They’re like in your lap. This time, I just need to make sure I pluck my eyebrows so they won’t be able to see the strays.”
You are close to the audience there. I get it.
Proper unruly hair maintenance aside, fans will once again get an up-close- and-personal look at Clark during her already-sold-out stop here for the “Roots & Wings” unplugged acoustic tour at 8 p.m. Saturday, Feb. 25.
What does "proper unruly hair maintenance" mean? Seriously. What does "proper" apply to? Does "unruly" apply to the maintenance or to the hair?
Although there is new music included, the show will have a similar vibe to the one the Canadian singer-songwriter performed at ST94 in October 2010. It will be just Clark and a handful of guitars onstage, singing and engaging with the crowd that appears to be sitting in her lap.
From Borsch's November 1, 2010 story about said concert: "...show that she hopes is 'like sitting in a living room at a party with someone who has a guitar in her lap.'"
Clark then describes this show, which she says will be even better than her last one (and, presumably, even more intimate).
That’s taking it up to an ever higher level, considering what Clark was dealing with the last time she was in Sellersville. She had lost her mother, Linda, to cancer just six months earlier.
Borsch mentions this in his November 1 2010 article AND his January 4 2011 article, both about the same concert. I'm beginning to wonder if we are going to learn anything about Ms. Clark that we didn't know 1 1/2 years ago.
Clark said with this new CD — her eighth studio album, which includes the song “Smile,” written for her mom and one that she sang in the 2010 show here even before it had been recorded — she took more of a fun and lighthearted approach to making the album.
Watch out, folks - it's the Borsch Dash! Can't figure out a way to smoothly integrate information into your story? Just jam unrelated bits of trivia between a pair of dashes! Make the dashed-off aside longer than the sentence containing it! The beauty of this strategy is that the information doesn't necessarily have to relate to the surrounding narrative. For instance:
"Ms. Clark - who once ran naked through the National Mall - is a big fan of smooth jazz."
JOURNALISM!
Just last week, Clark — already an eight-time Canadian Country Music Association Entertainer of the Year — scored a JUNO Award nomination for “Roots & Wings” for country album of the year. The JUNO Awards are presented annually to Canadian musical artists and bands.
This is just lazy writing. The sentence could very easily have been written: "Clark, who is already an eight-time Canadian Country Music Association Entertainer of the Year, scored a JUNO Award nomination... last week." This is further proof that Borsch never re-reads or edits his articles.
Clark, who has been an independent artist since walking away from her record deal with Sony/BMG in 2008 and doesn’t get much, if any, play time on U.S. radio now, has been able to create buzz for her new music through social network sites such as Facebook and Twitter.
See? See that? Why couldn't he have done that before? Of course, this particular sentence is already pretty bad without the dashes.
As for the ST94, Clark liked it the last time and said she’s going to like performing there again.
“The show I did there in Sellersville was one of my favorite ones on the last tour and that’s why we’re coming back,” she said. “I find the audience in that part of the country is so engaged in the singer-songwriter vibe. They really appreciate the organic side of things so much.”
From his last article: "...the northeast hillbillies in the crowd — whom Clark suggested could be considered more “sophisticated” than hillbillies in other parts of the country -..."
That doesn’t mean, though, that Clark won’t ever take to the road again with her band, even though she likes the unplugged gigs quite a lot.
“I might start staggering every other year — doing an unplugged tour and then going back and doing a band tour,” she said. “That keeps things fresh for me as well as the fan base. I did the same show for 15 years. That’s the whole reason for doing this [unplugged] tour. But I don’t want the fans to get this show now for the next 15 years. I want to bounce back and forth and keep it fresh for everybody.”
Yeah, that's the end of the article.
I found this fascinating. Except for a few sentences, you could switch the "previews" he wrote in 2010 and 2012 and not be able to tell the difference. Intimate venue, mother's cancer, alone on stage. Tell me, Mr. Borsch: is it satisfying to know that your "craft" has not evolved in the least over these two years?
By the way... if the show is already sold out... this preview seems a tad unnecessary, doesn't it?
Friday, August 19, 2011
Pool Update: I'm so Right it Hurts
I published a post on May 6, 2010, entitled "Pre-emptive Promise Breaking." Take a gander at these paragraphs from a news story published about the budget for the new Souderton Pool. The original budget was $2 million, with a $500K "emergency" loan (story in bold, my comments in italics):
“It’s our responsibility to not tap into that half million,” [Council President Brian] Goshow said.
Councilman Steven Toy echoed Goshow’s statements, and has no plans to use the money for the pool project unless it is absolutely necessary.
“I don’t hear anybody saying they want to use that money,” Toy said. “It’s contingency. That’s all it is.”
Prediction: Souderton will use the extra $500,000. All of it. If not more. They'll blow through it like a hooker through dope.
I wrote that over a year ago. Now check out this story from The Reporter newspaper, by Emily Morris:
The borough has exhausted its $2 million construction loan for the pool, Coll said, and is on track to be right on budget for the $3 million total projected cost.
Uh-oh... but if the original budget was $2 million...
There is currently $308,000 due to the prime contractors on the project, and Coll said he was filing reports with Univest Bank and Trust Co. this week to use the $500,000 contingency fund to pay those bills.
Gee, what a surprise, right? Shocking! So they ran through the $2 million, they're using the "emergency" $500K to pay off contractors, and they racked up ANOTHER $500,000 BEYOND THAT. I mean, I hate to be one of those people who say "I called it!" but... I pretty much called it.
Also note the fact that the professional journalist who wrote this latest story didn't even bother to look back and call out the political hacks in Souderton for breaking their word.
“It’s our responsibility to not tap into that half million,” [Council President Brian] Goshow said.
Councilman Steven Toy echoed Goshow’s statements, and has no plans to use the money for the pool project unless it is absolutely necessary.
“I don’t hear anybody saying they want to use that money,” Toy said. “It’s contingency. That’s all it is.”
Prediction: Souderton will use the extra $500,000. All of it. If not more. They'll blow through it like a hooker through dope.
I wrote that over a year ago. Now check out this story from The Reporter newspaper, by Emily Morris:
The borough has exhausted its $2 million construction loan for the pool, Coll said, and is on track to be right on budget for the $3 million total projected cost.
Uh-oh... but if the original budget was $2 million...
There is currently $308,000 due to the prime contractors on the project, and Coll said he was filing reports with Univest Bank and Trust Co. this week to use the $500,000 contingency fund to pay those bills.
Gee, what a surprise, right? Shocking! So they ran through the $2 million, they're using the "emergency" $500K to pay off contractors, and they racked up ANOTHER $500,000 BEYOND THAT. I mean, I hate to be one of those people who say "I called it!" but... I pretty much called it.
Also note the fact that the professional journalist who wrote this latest story didn't even bother to look back and call out the political hacks in Souderton for breaking their word.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Compare and Contrast
Dan May’s a ‘Dying Breed’ but very much alive and well: Latest CD recorded in Spring House.
John Conahan to open show at Plays & Players.
Published: Tuesday, May 10, 2011
By Mike Morsch
Executive Editor
We've already had a column about Dan May, but I guess you can never get too much of a good thing. As this isn't a true "Outta Leftfield," I'm going to skip around to the best material.
Dan May’s new CD “Dying Breed” features the song “Paradise,” which turns out to be something a little different from what the title suggests.
He says one thing but means another? GENIUS!
The lyrics of the song feature things like America’s addiction to corn syrup, the manipulation practiced by pharmaceutical companies, global warming, plastic surgery, the use of the attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder-treating drug Ritalin and swipes at Fox News, Facebook, the banking industry and bailout and even the Catholic Church.
Aw, man! If he had just thrown in a stab at Sara Palin he'd have just about every liberal cliche in the book! Please note: Borsch will have nothing but praise for May (despite his heavily political material). Contrast this with his reaction to Dennis Miller's more right-wing approach.
Some description of paradise, huh?
“There’s a real connecting thread from song to song,” said May, the Philadelphia singer-songwriter, about his fourth full CD, recorded at MorningStar Studios in Spring House. “It’s a look back at the good old days that maybe weren’t as good as we thought they were.
How original.
An Americana-folk-tinged troubadour whose soft voice and thought-provoking lyrics have graced the region for the past several years, May said he continues to evolve and grow as a singer and songwriter and that “Dying Breed” is evidence of that.
Better be careful there, sir - all that drooling you're doing might short out your keyboard! So no remarks about how you didn't like May's newer music because it's so political? No asides about his height?
The original plan included premiering the video at the CD release party, but it isn’t completed yet. Those attending the soiree, however, will get an idea of what the finished product will look like as a “making of the video” short movie will be playing on a loop on a flat-screen television throughout the evening and after-party.
So the after-party doesn't take place during "the evening"?
May said he chose Plays and Players Theatre as the venue for the CD release party because he prefers theater shows as opposed to clubs and coffeehouses.
“The audience comes in with higher expectations and the experience is better in general,” said May, who had his last CD release party at the Academy of Vocal Arts in Philadelphia, where he had graduated from opera training. “It’s a beautiful old theater [Plays and Players] and it’s in a very cool section of the city, right off Rittenhouse Square.”
I included this section to emphasize what a clumsy writer Borsch is. The [Plays and Players] is only necessary because of how awkward and convoluted the structure of his sentence is. What I find strange is that Borsch probably added those brackets to try and clarify his point - instead of re-writing it to eliminate the confusion altogether.
May, who has used studio musicians on some of his past CDs but used his regular band members on “Dying Breed,” anticipates that his already established fan base will like this album.
What does the fact that he's not using studio musicians have to do with the rest of that paragraph? Really, can you slip these little asides in anywhere you please? "May, who drips hot candle wax on his genitals to achieve satisfaction, thinks the release party will be a hit."
“I call this one organic and Americana, which are words I throw out there when I don’t know what I’m talking about,” he quipped. “Americana to me, it’s not country and it’s not folk but it has those influences. It’s that kind of American sound with a touch of folk.
... But I thought it wasn't folk. Didn't he just say that in the previous sentence? It's not folk, but it has a touch of folk.
Fort Washington resident John Conahan, who teaches music at Wissahickon High School, will open for May at the CD release party. Known for his audience interaction, Conahan’s award-winning songs have been featured on television, in film and promotional campaigns as well on syndicated radio programs. He is a regular at the Tin Angel, the World Café Live, the Living Room, the National Underground, Rockwood Music Hall and the Kimmel Center for the Performing Arts in Philadelphia.
BOOM. The end.
John Conahan to open show at Plays & Players.
Published: Tuesday, May 10, 2011
By Mike Morsch
Executive Editor
We've already had a column about Dan May, but I guess you can never get too much of a good thing. As this isn't a true "Outta Leftfield," I'm going to skip around to the best material.
Dan May’s new CD “Dying Breed” features the song “Paradise,” which turns out to be something a little different from what the title suggests.
He says one thing but means another? GENIUS!
The lyrics of the song feature things like America’s addiction to corn syrup, the manipulation practiced by pharmaceutical companies, global warming, plastic surgery, the use of the attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder-treating drug Ritalin and swipes at Fox News, Facebook, the banking industry and bailout and even the Catholic Church.
Aw, man! If he had just thrown in a stab at Sara Palin he'd have just about every liberal cliche in the book! Please note: Borsch will have nothing but praise for May (despite his heavily political material). Contrast this with his reaction to Dennis Miller's more right-wing approach.
Some description of paradise, huh?
“There’s a real connecting thread from song to song,” said May, the Philadelphia singer-songwriter, about his fourth full CD, recorded at MorningStar Studios in Spring House. “It’s a look back at the good old days that maybe weren’t as good as we thought they were.
How original.
An Americana-folk-tinged troubadour whose soft voice and thought-provoking lyrics have graced the region for the past several years, May said he continues to evolve and grow as a singer and songwriter and that “Dying Breed” is evidence of that.
Better be careful there, sir - all that drooling you're doing might short out your keyboard! So no remarks about how you didn't like May's newer music because it's so political? No asides about his height?
The original plan included premiering the video at the CD release party, but it isn’t completed yet. Those attending the soiree, however, will get an idea of what the finished product will look like as a “making of the video” short movie will be playing on a loop on a flat-screen television throughout the evening and after-party.
So the after-party doesn't take place during "the evening"?
May said he chose Plays and Players Theatre as the venue for the CD release party because he prefers theater shows as opposed to clubs and coffeehouses.
“The audience comes in with higher expectations and the experience is better in general,” said May, who had his last CD release party at the Academy of Vocal Arts in Philadelphia, where he had graduated from opera training. “It’s a beautiful old theater [Plays and Players] and it’s in a very cool section of the city, right off Rittenhouse Square.”
I included this section to emphasize what a clumsy writer Borsch is. The [Plays and Players] is only necessary because of how awkward and convoluted the structure of his sentence is. What I find strange is that Borsch probably added those brackets to try and clarify his point - instead of re-writing it to eliminate the confusion altogether.
May, who has used studio musicians on some of his past CDs but used his regular band members on “Dying Breed,” anticipates that his already established fan base will like this album.
What does the fact that he's not using studio musicians have to do with the rest of that paragraph? Really, can you slip these little asides in anywhere you please? "May, who drips hot candle wax on his genitals to achieve satisfaction, thinks the release party will be a hit."
“I call this one organic and Americana, which are words I throw out there when I don’t know what I’m talking about,” he quipped. “Americana to me, it’s not country and it’s not folk but it has those influences. It’s that kind of American sound with a touch of folk.
... But I thought it wasn't folk. Didn't he just say that in the previous sentence? It's not folk, but it has a touch of folk.
Fort Washington resident John Conahan, who teaches music at Wissahickon High School, will open for May at the CD release party. Known for his audience interaction, Conahan’s award-winning songs have been featured on television, in film and promotional campaigns as well on syndicated radio programs. He is a regular at the Tin Angel, the World Café Live, the Living Room, the National Underground, Rockwood Music Hall and the Kimmel Center for the Performing Arts in Philadelphia.
BOOM. The end.
Monday, April 25, 2011
Good Writing
Borsch recently published an interview with Dennis Miller. He didn't even have the guts to take a potshot at Miller's more conservative politics. However, he then published a follow-up interview with some random local comic that Miller mentioned. Check out this sentence:
The Wid hasn’t seen Miller face-to-face in a while, the last time of which was in California just after Miller began to hit it big in the late 1980s.
"The last time of which"? I'm trying to think of a sentence in which that phrase would actually look and sound good.
The best part is, we've just suffered through a whole article about "The Wid" and his memories of Miller... only to discover that the last time he actually saw him was in "the late 1980s." Hey, I saw Dennis Miller on TV in the early 2000s! Interview me!
The Wid hasn’t seen Miller face-to-face in a while, the last time of which was in California just after Miller began to hit it big in the late 1980s.
"The last time of which"? I'm trying to think of a sentence in which that phrase would actually look and sound good.
The best part is, we've just suffered through a whole article about "The Wid" and his memories of Miller... only to discover that the last time he actually saw him was in "the late 1980s." Hey, I saw Dennis Miller on TV in the early 2000s! Interview me!
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Opinion-less Opinion Column
Column: Mary, Mother of the Redeemer pastor met the controversy head on, but may have missed an opportunity to lead
Published: Tuesday, March 29, 2011
By Mike Morsch
Executive Editor
Not "Outta Leftfield" - "Column." Like he's actually trying to write a serious opinion piece. Like he's in any way qualified (or able) to express an opinion on a serious issue.
Editor’s note: Mike Morsch is executive editor of Montgomery Newspapers. He has family members that are members of Mary, Mother of the Redeemer Parish in North Wales and was at this meeting Monday evening. What follows is strictly an opinion piece with some analysis on what he observed.
The "Editor" is, presumably, Borsch himself. This begs the question: has he ever reported on a news issue in which he was not personally involved?
Parishioners at Mary, Mother of the Redeemer in North Wales are angry and upset at the scandal now gripping the Philadelphia Archdiocese in the wake of the most recent grand jury report that has forced the archdiocese to take 21 priests out of active ministry for allegedly sexually abusing young boys.
Yes, that was all one sentence. We're off to a good start.
And on Monday evening, MMR’s pastor, Monsignor John T. Conway, put himself squarely in the congregation’s collective crosshairs in front of what at times seemed like a pitchfork and flaming torches kind of crowd looking for answers and guidance.
Mix metaphors much? Not only did he put himself in the crosshairs, he did it in front of a crowd armed with pitchforks and torches! And yes, that, too, was all one sentence. No much-needed hyphens in "pitchfork and flaming torches kind."
For Monsignor Conway, it was a lose-lose situation. And although he met the situation head-on — and for that he deserves a lot of credit — he didn’t necessarily have a lot of answers that people were seeking.
Imagine Borsch taking command during such a crisis! Truly one of our great leaders is he.
Conway’s name appears in a 2005 grand jury report involving priest abuse. He isn’t accused of committing any of the abuse, but it is strongly alleged that as regional vicar for South Philadelphia back in the late 1990s, he knew about and was part of the hierarchy that transferred priests with a history of sexual abuse into other parishes, where they would be in direct contact with adolescent boys.
Thus far, not a whole lot of opinion OR analysis. More like - surprise! - boring summary of an already-reported issue.
Conway denies the charge, saying he wasn’t privy to any information of past abuse in any priest’s personnel file and he wanted MMR parishioners to hear that directly from him.
Does Borsch credit the reporters who actually gathered all the facts he's repeating?
“All I’m asking you tonight is to hear what I have to say,” said Conway to approximately 200 parishioners at a meeting the monsignor said was being held with the full knowledge of the Philadelphia Archdiocese. “I wish more people were here.”
Wow, you gotta love using "said Conway" and "the monsignor said" in the same sentence.
He’s right about that. MMR is approximately 6,000-members strong — one of the 10 largest parishes in the archdiocese — and only around 200 of those were interested enough in the subject of priest abuse to come and hear what this man had to say? It’s not like there are a lot of priests out there who are standing up publicly and taking any kind of heat on this. The very least concerned parishioners could have done, if they were available to attend, was hear Conway out.
Yeah, come on, parishoners! It's really you who is to blame, you know.
You can go online and look at the grand jury report (www.bishop-accountability.org/2005¬¬_09_21_Philly_GrandJury). It’s pretty ugly stuff. Conway is mentioned on pages 218-219 in regard to Father David C. Sicoli, one of the accused priests, who, according to the report, “had in his secret archives file a long history of abusive and manipulative relationships with adolescents.” Sicoli has a local connection as well, as he was assistant pastor at St. Joseph in Ambler for a few months in 1975 before being transferred reportedly because of a tiff with the pastor.
Borsch loves these "local connection" angles, no matter how obscure. Sicoli was in Ambler! John Oates was from North Penn! Be interested!
“I come across [in the 2005 grand jury report] as some kind of monster and I’m lumped together with horrible people who have covered up those ugly sins,” Conway said. “I jumped out of bed the other night and realized that this [grand jury report] is on the Internet and it will be there forever. Someday I won’t be around to explain it.”
Conway is quick to point out that his name is not mentioned in the 2011 grand jury report, the details of which were released in February. “You can draw your own conclusions on that,” he said.
If the meeting was as boring as Borsch's story, it's no surprise more people didn't show up.
In addition to offering his explanation, Conway said the other reason he wanted to speak directly to parishioners was because the MMR community doesn’t know him all that well yet. He came to MMR in late summer 2010 to replace the much-loved and popular Monsignor Philip Ricci, founding pastor of MMR, who had retired.
Following Monsignor Ricci to MMR is a difficult enough task. The guy built the parish. There will probably be a statue of him on the church grounds someday. So having one’s name associated with a grand jury report about priest abuse could make the task of moving MMR forward next to impossible for Conway.
Opinions like this are sure to fire people up. You know how excited people get about the "Monsignor Ricci statue on the church grounds someday" issue.
“For some reason, the regional vicars knew nothing about any sexual abuse history,” said Conway, who has been a priest for 34 years. “We thought we were doing good things. We were talking about guys going to different parishes without knowing their backgrounds.”
That's a really, really lame excuse, by the way. That's something an opinion piece might call attention to...
Another reason the MMR folks are so touchy is because they’ve faced the issue of priest abuse in the past.
... but nope! We breeze past it for more dull, repetitive reporting!
From 2000 to 2002, Father Francis J. Gallagher was assistant pastor at MMR. He was involved in the capital campaign committee that raised funds for the school, which eventually was built and opened in 2003. But in 2002, Monsignor Ricci made an announcement at Mass one Sunday that Father Gallagher had left, without elaborating. Gallagher is named in the grand jury report as an abusive priest.
Does this vague story count as "facing the issue in the past"?
Also, when Monsignor Ricci retired in 2010, the archdiocese announced the appointment of Monsignor Joseph Logrip to MMR, but he never officially took over and parishioners were informed that he wasn’t coming for personal reasons. Logrip was one of the 21 priests removed from active ministry after the release of the 2011 grand jury report.
I'm including this entire story to emphasize just how terrible it is. "Also"? Do real journalists start their paragraphs with "also"?
By the end of the evening, Conway had urged parishioners to make their voices heard in Philadelphia and beyond, even in Rome if that’s what it took to effect change. Church members asked Conway to make a request to Cardinal Justin Rigali that the cardinal come to MMR and speak to the concerned parishioners.
The amount of raw, unfiltered Borsch opinion here is staggering.
That’s not likely to happen. My sense is that Cardinal Rigali likely wouldn’t face the public in this situation and would prefer that the front-line soldiers in the Philadelphia Archdiocese like Monsignor Conway be the tip of the spear. Besides, it would be a media frenzy if Rigali showed up to a local parish ready to publicly answer questions about priest abuse.
What a shrewd observer of the patently obvious!
Monsignor Conway has walked a fine line here. He’s got 34 years invested in his career as a priest. To keep his job, he’s likely still got to take his marching orders from the archdiocese. But to protect his name and reputation, he obviously felt it was necessary to take his case directly to the people.
Wow. That's right, folks - he went there. He actually pointed out that Conway appeared at the meeting.
Would he have stood in the house of God in front of angry parishioners he just met for the first time less than a year ago and lied to them? I think not. That would be unwise. He may have been naïve about priest abuse issues, as he claimed, but he doesn’t strike me as stupid.
This is the dumbest reasoning I've ever seen. "Conway is smart. Therefore, he would not lie. Lying is unwise."
People want to know who knew what and when they knew it when it comes to priests abusing children. There is no middle ground there. It’s a heinous crime and it’s just as heinous to go to great lengths to cover it up.
So abusing children is bad. Bold words, sir.
Conway admitted that those close to him had advised that Monday evening’s event — while initially designed for Conway to explain himself to the parishioners — could and likely would turn angry at some point, which it did. Emotions ran high.
It seemed to me, though, that many of those in attendance — but not all — were mostly satisfied with Conway’s explanations and respected the fact that he had stood in front of them and tried to answer their questions. And although parishioners now appear to be looking up the chain of command above Conway for answers, they all seemed to be looking for guidance and leadership, and Conway may have missed an opportunity there.
"...looking up the chain of command above..." Nice. If only Borsch was a Catholic priest faced with an abuse scandal, eh? No doubt he'd provide flawless guidance and leadership in the face of adversity. This is the fourth-to-last sentence, and we finally have opinion and analysis. Sort of.
“I’m not trying to start a campaign here, I’m just trying to make a point,” said Conway.
Given the circumstances and the lack of clear answers, maybe Monsignor Conway is right when he says he just doesn’t know what to do now. At this point, maybe nobody does.
And that's it. "What's my opinion? I don't know. Probably nobody does." Can you believe this cop-out? And this is supposed to be "analysis"? "I don't know"? Just further proof that, no matter the genre... Borsch just can't pull it off.
Published: Tuesday, March 29, 2011
By Mike Morsch
Executive Editor
Not "Outta Leftfield" - "Column." Like he's actually trying to write a serious opinion piece. Like he's in any way qualified (or able) to express an opinion on a serious issue.
Editor’s note: Mike Morsch is executive editor of Montgomery Newspapers. He has family members that are members of Mary, Mother of the Redeemer Parish in North Wales and was at this meeting Monday evening. What follows is strictly an opinion piece with some analysis on what he observed.
The "Editor" is, presumably, Borsch himself. This begs the question: has he ever reported on a news issue in which he was not personally involved?
Parishioners at Mary, Mother of the Redeemer in North Wales are angry and upset at the scandal now gripping the Philadelphia Archdiocese in the wake of the most recent grand jury report that has forced the archdiocese to take 21 priests out of active ministry for allegedly sexually abusing young boys.
Yes, that was all one sentence. We're off to a good start.
And on Monday evening, MMR’s pastor, Monsignor John T. Conway, put himself squarely in the congregation’s collective crosshairs in front of what at times seemed like a pitchfork and flaming torches kind of crowd looking for answers and guidance.
Mix metaphors much? Not only did he put himself in the crosshairs, he did it in front of a crowd armed with pitchforks and torches! And yes, that, too, was all one sentence. No much-needed hyphens in "pitchfork and flaming torches kind."
For Monsignor Conway, it was a lose-lose situation. And although he met the situation head-on — and for that he deserves a lot of credit — he didn’t necessarily have a lot of answers that people were seeking.
Imagine Borsch taking command during such a crisis! Truly one of our great leaders is he.
Conway’s name appears in a 2005 grand jury report involving priest abuse. He isn’t accused of committing any of the abuse, but it is strongly alleged that as regional vicar for South Philadelphia back in the late 1990s, he knew about and was part of the hierarchy that transferred priests with a history of sexual abuse into other parishes, where they would be in direct contact with adolescent boys.
Thus far, not a whole lot of opinion OR analysis. More like - surprise! - boring summary of an already-reported issue.
Conway denies the charge, saying he wasn’t privy to any information of past abuse in any priest’s personnel file and he wanted MMR parishioners to hear that directly from him.
Does Borsch credit the reporters who actually gathered all the facts he's repeating?
“All I’m asking you tonight is to hear what I have to say,” said Conway to approximately 200 parishioners at a meeting the monsignor said was being held with the full knowledge of the Philadelphia Archdiocese. “I wish more people were here.”
Wow, you gotta love using "said Conway" and "the monsignor said" in the same sentence.
He’s right about that. MMR is approximately 6,000-members strong — one of the 10 largest parishes in the archdiocese — and only around 200 of those were interested enough in the subject of priest abuse to come and hear what this man had to say? It’s not like there are a lot of priests out there who are standing up publicly and taking any kind of heat on this. The very least concerned parishioners could have done, if they were available to attend, was hear Conway out.
Yeah, come on, parishoners! It's really you who is to blame, you know.
You can go online and look at the grand jury report (www.bishop-accountability.org/2005¬¬_09_21_Philly_GrandJury). It’s pretty ugly stuff. Conway is mentioned on pages 218-219 in regard to Father David C. Sicoli, one of the accused priests, who, according to the report, “had in his secret archives file a long history of abusive and manipulative relationships with adolescents.” Sicoli has a local connection as well, as he was assistant pastor at St. Joseph in Ambler for a few months in 1975 before being transferred reportedly because of a tiff with the pastor.
Borsch loves these "local connection" angles, no matter how obscure. Sicoli was in Ambler! John Oates was from North Penn! Be interested!
“I come across [in the 2005 grand jury report] as some kind of monster and I’m lumped together with horrible people who have covered up those ugly sins,” Conway said. “I jumped out of bed the other night and realized that this [grand jury report] is on the Internet and it will be there forever. Someday I won’t be around to explain it.”
Conway is quick to point out that his name is not mentioned in the 2011 grand jury report, the details of which were released in February. “You can draw your own conclusions on that,” he said.
If the meeting was as boring as Borsch's story, it's no surprise more people didn't show up.
In addition to offering his explanation, Conway said the other reason he wanted to speak directly to parishioners was because the MMR community doesn’t know him all that well yet. He came to MMR in late summer 2010 to replace the much-loved and popular Monsignor Philip Ricci, founding pastor of MMR, who had retired.
Following Monsignor Ricci to MMR is a difficult enough task. The guy built the parish. There will probably be a statue of him on the church grounds someday. So having one’s name associated with a grand jury report about priest abuse could make the task of moving MMR forward next to impossible for Conway.
Opinions like this are sure to fire people up. You know how excited people get about the "Monsignor Ricci statue on the church grounds someday" issue.
“For some reason, the regional vicars knew nothing about any sexual abuse history,” said Conway, who has been a priest for 34 years. “We thought we were doing good things. We were talking about guys going to different parishes without knowing their backgrounds.”
That's a really, really lame excuse, by the way. That's something an opinion piece might call attention to...
Another reason the MMR folks are so touchy is because they’ve faced the issue of priest abuse in the past.
... but nope! We breeze past it for more dull, repetitive reporting!
From 2000 to 2002, Father Francis J. Gallagher was assistant pastor at MMR. He was involved in the capital campaign committee that raised funds for the school, which eventually was built and opened in 2003. But in 2002, Monsignor Ricci made an announcement at Mass one Sunday that Father Gallagher had left, without elaborating. Gallagher is named in the grand jury report as an abusive priest.
Does this vague story count as "facing the issue in the past"?
Also, when Monsignor Ricci retired in 2010, the archdiocese announced the appointment of Monsignor Joseph Logrip to MMR, but he never officially took over and parishioners were informed that he wasn’t coming for personal reasons. Logrip was one of the 21 priests removed from active ministry after the release of the 2011 grand jury report.
I'm including this entire story to emphasize just how terrible it is. "Also"? Do real journalists start their paragraphs with "also"?
By the end of the evening, Conway had urged parishioners to make their voices heard in Philadelphia and beyond, even in Rome if that’s what it took to effect change. Church members asked Conway to make a request to Cardinal Justin Rigali that the cardinal come to MMR and speak to the concerned parishioners.
The amount of raw, unfiltered Borsch opinion here is staggering.
That’s not likely to happen. My sense is that Cardinal Rigali likely wouldn’t face the public in this situation and would prefer that the front-line soldiers in the Philadelphia Archdiocese like Monsignor Conway be the tip of the spear. Besides, it would be a media frenzy if Rigali showed up to a local parish ready to publicly answer questions about priest abuse.
What a shrewd observer of the patently obvious!
Monsignor Conway has walked a fine line here. He’s got 34 years invested in his career as a priest. To keep his job, he’s likely still got to take his marching orders from the archdiocese. But to protect his name and reputation, he obviously felt it was necessary to take his case directly to the people.
Wow. That's right, folks - he went there. He actually pointed out that Conway appeared at the meeting.
Would he have stood in the house of God in front of angry parishioners he just met for the first time less than a year ago and lied to them? I think not. That would be unwise. He may have been naïve about priest abuse issues, as he claimed, but he doesn’t strike me as stupid.
This is the dumbest reasoning I've ever seen. "Conway is smart. Therefore, he would not lie. Lying is unwise."
People want to know who knew what and when they knew it when it comes to priests abusing children. There is no middle ground there. It’s a heinous crime and it’s just as heinous to go to great lengths to cover it up.
So abusing children is bad. Bold words, sir.
Conway admitted that those close to him had advised that Monday evening’s event — while initially designed for Conway to explain himself to the parishioners — could and likely would turn angry at some point, which it did. Emotions ran high.
It seemed to me, though, that many of those in attendance — but not all — were mostly satisfied with Conway’s explanations and respected the fact that he had stood in front of them and tried to answer their questions. And although parishioners now appear to be looking up the chain of command above Conway for answers, they all seemed to be looking for guidance and leadership, and Conway may have missed an opportunity there.
"...looking up the chain of command above..." Nice. If only Borsch was a Catholic priest faced with an abuse scandal, eh? No doubt he'd provide flawless guidance and leadership in the face of adversity. This is the fourth-to-last sentence, and we finally have opinion and analysis. Sort of.
“I’m not trying to start a campaign here, I’m just trying to make a point,” said Conway.
Given the circumstances and the lack of clear answers, maybe Monsignor Conway is right when he says he just doesn’t know what to do now. At this point, maybe nobody does.
And that's it. "What's my opinion? I don't know. Probably nobody does." Can you believe this cop-out? And this is supposed to be "analysis"? "I don't know"? Just further proof that, no matter the genre... Borsch just can't pull it off.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Avoiding the Topic
Outta Leftfield: Sex in the name of education gives new meaning to PDA
Published: Wednesday, March 09, 2011
By Mike Morsch
Executive Editor
The list of things I don't want Borsch to write about could probably circle the globe; this one is at the top of the list.
Oh boy. Cover your eyes on this next topic. At the very least, it’s got an R-rating, maybe worse. And you kids out there, well, you may need to explain some of this to your parents.
So... he didn't want to write about poop in his last column, even though he has before. But he'll write about sex. I shudder.
Turns out a sexuality professor at Northwestern University has raised some eyebrows recently by offering his students the opportunity to watch, uh … um … a live sex demonstration as part of the class. (Now would be the time for the more prudish among you to read with one eye covered.)
It appears that at Northwestern, PDA doesn’t stand for Public Display of Affection but Pretty Dadgummed Amazing.
Since he's writing about something that's been reported on by someone else, can we expect the typical "According to a story on [website name]" sentence?
Let me say this upfront: I graduated from a Big Ten school, the University of Iowa, and I hail from Illinois,
HOLY CRAP! You don't say so!
so I am familiar with Northwestern University, a fine institution of higher education in Evanston, Ill., just north of Chicago. It’s always had a top-notch journalism program.
If you graduated from it, sir, it dropped a notch.
But obviously, I was educated in a different era. As a not-yet-18-year-old going off to school in the fall of 1977, I had trouble adjusting to college life. When the first semester grades came out, I got a call from my dad.
“Hey, son, I just received your semester grades,” my dad, a school superintendent with a master’s degree in education, said into the phone.
After stating that he received his grades, is it really necessary to have another sentence stating that he received his grades? Cut one, for Pete's sake! You're an EDITOR!
“Really? How’d I do, Pop?” I said, rather smugly, typical of the young wannabe jock who was convinced at that point he was going to play professional baseball for a living.
Instead, he makes his living not being able to write about baseball.
“Not so good young man. You got a 1.7 grade point average,” he said with more than a bit of disgust. “What are you doing out there in Iowa?”
“Well, best I can tell, I’m playing baseball, drinking beer and chasing women,” I said to my dad.
Completely fictional conversation, obviously. And completely unnecessary "I said to my dad" - we KNOW who you're talking to, sir.
“I don’t think that’s why you’re there, young man,” he countered. (He always called me “young man” when he was particularly peeved at me.)
“Well, Pop, I don’t know how much better it can get for me,” I said.
At which point he reached through the phone and slapped me back into reality.
Borsch either has flawless recall, or this was really the most hilarious exchange he could think up. Which is sad.
I tell that story to illustrate not only the change in times, but the change in attitudes. I can guarantee you that my smart-alecky remark elicited that type of reaction that one would expect from a school administrator in 1977. In fact, I was grounded until just last year, five years after my dad died. (He was as intimidating on education issues as much in death as he was in life, and his will clearly stated that I was to remain grounded until 2010.)
He mustn't have been a very good educator, or he might have cautioned you against using "as" and "as much" in the same sentence like that. Fool.
But I can assure you that if my answer would have been, “I’m playing baseball, drinking beer, chasing women AND viewing live sex shows in class,” my dad would have been in his car on the way to Iowa City to drag me by my ear back to Peoria. And he would have knocked down the entire university with his bare hands just to make his point that live sex shows were not a lifelong educator’s idea of “educating.”
So far we've had a whole lot of "illustrating," and a whole little of the purported topic of this column.
According to wire service reports,
There we go.
the Northwestern professor, John Michael Bailey, was teaching the sexuality class one session that focused on kinky sex. (There was no sex in Iowa in the 1970s, let alone kinky sex. In fact, I haven’t been back to Iowa in a while but I’m fairly certain little has changed in the sexual mores department in the Heartland.)
What's with the "in fact"? It's clear that he's actually trying to be funny this time around, but it's equally clear he has no idea how to succeed.
Professor Bailey, reportedly one of the more popular teachers at Northwestern (go figure), often ends his class sessions by inviting students to stay after class to hear additional lectures from sex therapists, swingers, transgender women and others.
(I can hear my dad now: “Young man, what’s a transgender woman?”)
Ah, that really is just what he'd say! Classic Elder Morsch.
Apparently, after the session in question, Bailey had invited a guy and his fiancée who were “turned on by the thought of sex acts in the nude in front of large groups of people” to participate in a demonstration.
As I often do in these types of situation, I like to quote that great philosopher Scooby-Doo: “Rut-row Raggy.”
I had that "rut-row" thing with the very core of my being. People can say it a billion times and still think it's fresh and witty. To quote Family Guy, it's as lame as FDR's legs, and it's aged as well, too.
Talk about extra credit. I won’t go into any further detail except to say that about 100 students stayed after class to watch, word got out that this sort of thing was sanctioned by the university, some folks got their shorts in the knot and the Scooby-Doo hit the fan.
Poop reference! Not so squeamish about it now, are you? But still pretty shy about addressing the topic of your column in any way. Don't worry - with a few more years of practice, you'll get there.
But leave it to the free press to come to the rescue. The university’s newspaper, The Daily Northwestern, defended the decision to allow the sex demonstration and called it relevant to the class discussion of kinky sex. (I’m going to have to review my college transcripts. I don’t recall that Kinky Sex 101 was available.)
My advice would be to read your own story - it was a section in a class on sexuality, not its own class.
Those ratfink school newspaper folks, always a bastion of liberal thought — and apparently a bit into kinky as well.
It all makes me wonder if education has passed me by.
Yes. Yes it has.
I mean, I’m old, but I’m not dead. In fact, I’ve been toying with the idea of going back and getting my master’s degree.
At Northwestern. In journalism, of course.
Maybe you should start by taking an entry-level composition course.
Published: Wednesday, March 09, 2011
By Mike Morsch
Executive Editor
The list of things I don't want Borsch to write about could probably circle the globe; this one is at the top of the list.
Oh boy. Cover your eyes on this next topic. At the very least, it’s got an R-rating, maybe worse. And you kids out there, well, you may need to explain some of this to your parents.
So... he didn't want to write about poop in his last column, even though he has before. But he'll write about sex. I shudder.
Turns out a sexuality professor at Northwestern University has raised some eyebrows recently by offering his students the opportunity to watch, uh … um … a live sex demonstration as part of the class. (Now would be the time for the more prudish among you to read with one eye covered.)
It appears that at Northwestern, PDA doesn’t stand for Public Display of Affection but Pretty Dadgummed Amazing.
Since he's writing about something that's been reported on by someone else, can we expect the typical "According to a story on [website name]" sentence?
Let me say this upfront: I graduated from a Big Ten school, the University of Iowa, and I hail from Illinois,
HOLY CRAP! You don't say so!
so I am familiar with Northwestern University, a fine institution of higher education in Evanston, Ill., just north of Chicago. It’s always had a top-notch journalism program.
If you graduated from it, sir, it dropped a notch.
But obviously, I was educated in a different era. As a not-yet-18-year-old going off to school in the fall of 1977, I had trouble adjusting to college life. When the first semester grades came out, I got a call from my dad.
“Hey, son, I just received your semester grades,” my dad, a school superintendent with a master’s degree in education, said into the phone.
After stating that he received his grades, is it really necessary to have another sentence stating that he received his grades? Cut one, for Pete's sake! You're an EDITOR!
“Really? How’d I do, Pop?” I said, rather smugly, typical of the young wannabe jock who was convinced at that point he was going to play professional baseball for a living.
Instead, he makes his living not being able to write about baseball.
“Not so good young man. You got a 1.7 grade point average,” he said with more than a bit of disgust. “What are you doing out there in Iowa?”
“Well, best I can tell, I’m playing baseball, drinking beer and chasing women,” I said to my dad.
Completely fictional conversation, obviously. And completely unnecessary "I said to my dad" - we KNOW who you're talking to, sir.
“I don’t think that’s why you’re there, young man,” he countered. (He always called me “young man” when he was particularly peeved at me.)
“Well, Pop, I don’t know how much better it can get for me,” I said.
At which point he reached through the phone and slapped me back into reality.
Borsch either has flawless recall, or this was really the most hilarious exchange he could think up. Which is sad.
I tell that story to illustrate not only the change in times, but the change in attitudes. I can guarantee you that my smart-alecky remark elicited that type of reaction that one would expect from a school administrator in 1977. In fact, I was grounded until just last year, five years after my dad died. (He was as intimidating on education issues as much in death as he was in life, and his will clearly stated that I was to remain grounded until 2010.)
He mustn't have been a very good educator, or he might have cautioned you against using "as" and "as much" in the same sentence like that. Fool.
But I can assure you that if my answer would have been, “I’m playing baseball, drinking beer, chasing women AND viewing live sex shows in class,” my dad would have been in his car on the way to Iowa City to drag me by my ear back to Peoria. And he would have knocked down the entire university with his bare hands just to make his point that live sex shows were not a lifelong educator’s idea of “educating.”
So far we've had a whole lot of "illustrating," and a whole little of the purported topic of this column.
According to wire service reports,
There we go.
the Northwestern professor, John Michael Bailey, was teaching the sexuality class one session that focused on kinky sex. (There was no sex in Iowa in the 1970s, let alone kinky sex. In fact, I haven’t been back to Iowa in a while but I’m fairly certain little has changed in the sexual mores department in the Heartland.)
What's with the "in fact"? It's clear that he's actually trying to be funny this time around, but it's equally clear he has no idea how to succeed.
Professor Bailey, reportedly one of the more popular teachers at Northwestern (go figure), often ends his class sessions by inviting students to stay after class to hear additional lectures from sex therapists, swingers, transgender women and others.
(I can hear my dad now: “Young man, what’s a transgender woman?”)
Ah, that really is just what he'd say! Classic Elder Morsch.
Apparently, after the session in question, Bailey had invited a guy and his fiancée who were “turned on by the thought of sex acts in the nude in front of large groups of people” to participate in a demonstration.
As I often do in these types of situation, I like to quote that great philosopher Scooby-Doo: “Rut-row Raggy.”
I had that "rut-row" thing with the very core of my being. People can say it a billion times and still think it's fresh and witty. To quote Family Guy, it's as lame as FDR's legs, and it's aged as well, too.
Talk about extra credit. I won’t go into any further detail except to say that about 100 students stayed after class to watch, word got out that this sort of thing was sanctioned by the university, some folks got their shorts in the knot and the Scooby-Doo hit the fan.
Poop reference! Not so squeamish about it now, are you? But still pretty shy about addressing the topic of your column in any way. Don't worry - with a few more years of practice, you'll get there.
But leave it to the free press to come to the rescue. The university’s newspaper, The Daily Northwestern, defended the decision to allow the sex demonstration and called it relevant to the class discussion of kinky sex. (I’m going to have to review my college transcripts. I don’t recall that Kinky Sex 101 was available.)
My advice would be to read your own story - it was a section in a class on sexuality, not its own class.
Those ratfink school newspaper folks, always a bastion of liberal thought — and apparently a bit into kinky as well.
It all makes me wonder if education has passed me by.
Yes. Yes it has.
I mean, I’m old, but I’m not dead. In fact, I’ve been toying with the idea of going back and getting my master’s degree.
At Northwestern. In journalism, of course.
Maybe you should start by taking an entry-level composition course.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
Yet Another Pre-Concert Interview
From Twitter:
Gov. Corbett's budget drawns mixed reaction locally.
"Drawns" - coming soon to any dictionary near you!
Storyteller Rodney Crowell to perform in Sellersville
Published: Tuesday, March 08, 2011
By Mike Morsch
Executive Editor
Well, it's not a country music concert, but... will Mr. Crowell describe the venue as "like being in someone's living room"? Will he refer to how intimate it is, and how you can relate more one-on-one with the audience?
Some of the highlights:
Rodney Crowell has always told stories with his songs. Now, he’s traveling the country telling stories about his storytelling, using both images and songs.
... What the hell does this even mean?
It evokes vivid memories of his childhood — of having volatile parents... beatings from his father... and how, through it all, he came to learn about love and forgiveness, all told with a gentle humor.
Got that? Volatile parents, abusive father, told with humor. Later:
His father... was a small town honky-tonk performer who always seemed on the brink of violence at home... Through it all though, Crowell tells his story with a humor not usually reserved for such domestic turmoil.
Got that? Abusive father, told with humor. I think we get it. We also learn that Mr. Crowell loves saying the word "narrative."
“Big metaphors work in songs. Whereas in trying to sustain a narrative, big metaphors betray the narrative because it becomes performance as opposed to narrative,” he said.
“The actual writer/audience relationship is very intimate. It’s really one-on-one. You entertain with what you manage to invoke in the audience’s mind. And to me, that’s a canvas I get to paint on with this one-man thing.”
In all fairness, I can't say that he's referring specifically to Sellserville when he says this.
Gov. Corbett's budget drawns mixed reaction locally.
"Drawns" - coming soon to any dictionary near you!
Storyteller Rodney Crowell to perform in Sellersville
Published: Tuesday, March 08, 2011
By Mike Morsch
Executive Editor
Well, it's not a country music concert, but... will Mr. Crowell describe the venue as "like being in someone's living room"? Will he refer to how intimate it is, and how you can relate more one-on-one with the audience?
Some of the highlights:
Rodney Crowell has always told stories with his songs. Now, he’s traveling the country telling stories about his storytelling, using both images and songs.
... What the hell does this even mean?
It evokes vivid memories of his childhood — of having volatile parents... beatings from his father... and how, through it all, he came to learn about love and forgiveness, all told with a gentle humor.
Got that? Volatile parents, abusive father, told with humor. Later:
His father... was a small town honky-tonk performer who always seemed on the brink of violence at home... Through it all though, Crowell tells his story with a humor not usually reserved for such domestic turmoil.
Got that? Abusive father, told with humor. I think we get it. We also learn that Mr. Crowell loves saying the word "narrative."
“Big metaphors work in songs. Whereas in trying to sustain a narrative, big metaphors betray the narrative because it becomes performance as opposed to narrative,” he said.
“The actual writer/audience relationship is very intimate. It’s really one-on-one. You entertain with what you manage to invoke in the audience’s mind. And to me, that’s a canvas I get to paint on with this one-man thing.”
In all fairness, I can't say that he's referring specifically to Sellserville when he says this.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Writing Headlines
How much do you want to bet that the following headline was penned by Borsch?
Upper Dublin's Daddy Daughter Dance delightfully darling
He also certainly wrote this:
...dads and their little girls showed up to cut a rug and make some memories to cherish for all time.
Upper Dublin's Daddy Daughter Dance delightfully darling
He also certainly wrote this:
...dads and their little girls showed up to cut a rug and make some memories to cherish for all time.
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Preview of Coming Attractions
I am really, really looking forward to Morsch's blog post about this upcoming country music show. He is hyping it like none other...
Country star Chely Wright talks about her Friday night show at the Sellersville Theater. And about her coming out.
This is probably the third time Morsch has Tweeted about Ms. Wright's show in Sellersville and the second time he's posted the article. The first time he didn't mention she was gay. Does he think this will lure more people to his favorite venue?
Chely Wright: from breakup to breakdown to breakthrough
Published: Sunday, January 23, 2011
By Mike Morsch
Executive Editor
Don't worry - although that title sounds creative, Ms. Wright came up with it, not Morsch. The basics: Wright is a country music "star" whose last #1 hit was in 1999. She's promoting her seventh album.
But the big buzz wasn’t necessarily only about the music or words, but the public admission in those words that she was gay, that she was no longer hiding it and that, frankly, she had come to the realization that it was more important to be true to herself.
Good for her! I mean, as long as she's not using her new-found sexuality as a crass attempt to jump-start her ailing career...
Although she hasn’t turned her back on Nashville — she still has a home there — Wright has experienced more acceptance in New York.
“I’ve been in Nashville 22 years and within eight months of being in New York City, I felt more at home in a community than I’d ever felt in Nashville,” she said. “That speaks volumes of truth.”
I'm guessing the "truth" is that Nashville is full of gay-hating bigots?
“To some degree, people are always going to say Chely Wright is the gay country music star,” she said. “That’s always going to be the asterisk by my name."
But at least she isn't dwelling on it, right? Not bring it up to local reporters at every show she puts on, right? Why do people keep harping on the fact that she's gay - other than the fact that she wrote a song about it and keeps talking about it? But enough of this - let's get her thoughts on the world's greatest venue, the Sellersville Theater:
"It’s fun to play a 50,000-person festival, but there is nothing like sitting in a room with a few hundred people. It’s like hanging out in someone’s living room."
Quoth Terri Clark: “...like sitting in a living room at a party with someone who has a guitar in her lap.” Per Kathy Mattea: “...people feel like they’ve been sitting in somebody’s living room...” I used to think that was a Morsch cliche. Turns out it's more of a washed-up country singer cliche.
She’ll cap off the appearance by interacting with fans after the show.
And rest assured, we'll hear about it when Morsch's blog post comes out. Gracious celeb alert!
Wright knows that since coming out her life has changed. And she’s OK with that.
I'm glad she's happy, really. But she can't complain about people dwelling on this fact when she herself brings it up CONSTANTLY.
Country star Chely Wright talks about her Friday night show at the Sellersville Theater. And about her coming out.
This is probably the third time Morsch has Tweeted about Ms. Wright's show in Sellersville and the second time he's posted the article. The first time he didn't mention she was gay. Does he think this will lure more people to his favorite venue?
Chely Wright: from breakup to breakdown to breakthrough
Published: Sunday, January 23, 2011
By Mike Morsch
Executive Editor
Don't worry - although that title sounds creative, Ms. Wright came up with it, not Morsch. The basics: Wright is a country music "star" whose last #1 hit was in 1999. She's promoting her seventh album.
But the big buzz wasn’t necessarily only about the music or words, but the public admission in those words that she was gay, that she was no longer hiding it and that, frankly, she had come to the realization that it was more important to be true to herself.
Good for her! I mean, as long as she's not using her new-found sexuality as a crass attempt to jump-start her ailing career...
Although she hasn’t turned her back on Nashville — she still has a home there — Wright has experienced more acceptance in New York.
“I’ve been in Nashville 22 years and within eight months of being in New York City, I felt more at home in a community than I’d ever felt in Nashville,” she said. “That speaks volumes of truth.”
I'm guessing the "truth" is that Nashville is full of gay-hating bigots?
“To some degree, people are always going to say Chely Wright is the gay country music star,” she said. “That’s always going to be the asterisk by my name."
But at least she isn't dwelling on it, right? Not bring it up to local reporters at every show she puts on, right? Why do people keep harping on the fact that she's gay - other than the fact that she wrote a song about it and keeps talking about it? But enough of this - let's get her thoughts on the world's greatest venue, the Sellersville Theater:
"It’s fun to play a 50,000-person festival, but there is nothing like sitting in a room with a few hundred people. It’s like hanging out in someone’s living room."
Quoth Terri Clark: “...like sitting in a living room at a party with someone who has a guitar in her lap.” Per Kathy Mattea: “...people feel like they’ve been sitting in somebody’s living room...” I used to think that was a Morsch cliche. Turns out it's more of a washed-up country singer cliche.
She’ll cap off the appearance by interacting with fans after the show.
And rest assured, we'll hear about it when Morsch's blog post comes out. Gracious celeb alert!
Wright knows that since coming out her life has changed. And she’s OK with that.
I'm glad she's happy, really. But she can't complain about people dwelling on this fact when she herself brings it up CONSTANTLY.
Saturday, January 8, 2011
2010 - A Year of Lameness in Review
@chrisvisco1 Re: Article on you: Whose the man? Tuesday, January 04, 2011 9:55:04 PM via web in reply to chrisvisco1
Unless this is a joke, that should be "who's the man."
Outta Leftfield: The most interesting interviews of 2010
Published: Tuesday, January 04, 2011
By Mike Morsch
Seeing the title of this article, one might suppose that this is sort of a "Top Ten" list of all the minor celebs and local musicians to whom Morsch has spoken. But seeing the LENGTH of this article, it's obvious that this is practically everyone to whom Morsch has spoken. Not unusual for a man who can't think of a bad thing to say about anyone (except Palin).
On the phone, Olivia Newton-John sounds just like she did in the classic film “Grease.” Joziah Longo, frontman for the band Gandalf Murphy and the Slambovian Circus of Dreams, has a distinctive look and a personality to match. Pete Rose sometimes says one thing during a conversation, but appears to mean something entirely different.
I love that Pete Rose thing - like Morsch is such an ace interviewer he can see into his very soul.
Those are just some of the tidbits of information that didn’t make it into the stories about these people when they visited our area last year. Here is a look at some of the memorable interviews of 2010:
Oh, if only we had gotten that "says something, appears to mean something else" tidbit sooner!
William Quigley and Roger Apollon — These two guys got together — Quigley as owner of the Sellersville Theater 1894 and Apollon as frontman for the band Bigger Thomas, whose parents are both Haitian — and put on a benefit concert to aid relief efforts for the people of Haiti devastated by a January earthquake.
Sellersville Theater! How about a "Most Over-Used Column Topics" post, Morsch?
Several area bands donated their time, and the ST94 staff worked the Sunday evening benefit for free. When the final tallying was done, the effort raised $12,000 for the International Red Cross.
Quigley, Apollon, all those involved and those who attended really came together as a community for a good cause.
So why exactly was this a great interview?
Jane Seymour — Ms. Seymour was back in the area in February exhibiting her art at Wentworth Gallery in the King of Prussia Mall and was more than willing to talk about it.
A celeb willing to promote herself. Imagine that.
It was pretty much the same interview and story as the one I wrote last year when she appeared at the gallery. But one of the founding principles of good journalism is . . . to never pass up an opportunity to interview the really good looking Hollywood stars when they come to our area.
By the way, at age 59, Ms. Seymour looks fabulous, has impeccable taste in clothing and in person is a tiny woman, much smaller than I had expected.
At least Morsch admits that he writes the same crap over and over.
Dr. Ronald Mallett — A renowned physicist, Dr. Mallett was at the Penn State Abington campus to give a lecture about his work with time travel.
It was more physics than it was “Back to the Future” science fiction, but it was interesting and informative, and Dr. Mallett was a good interview.
Care to elaborate on that? No? Cool.
Apparently filmmaker and director Spike Lee is making a movie about Mallett’s childhood desire to build a time machine and travel back in time to warn his father of an impending fatal heart attack. I was hoping to at least make enough of an impression on Dr. Mallett that he would put in a good word with Lee to see if I could get a cameo in the film. As a cynical reporter, of course.
If there's a bumbling retard in Lee's film, we'll know who provided the inspiration.
Ricky Skaggs — Bluegrass isn’t my thing, but there is no denying that country superstar Skaggs is at the forefront these days of making sure this type of music is appreciated and not forgotten.
So basically, "I hate it, but he keeps doing it."
During an interview to preview his February appearance at the Sellersville Theater 1894, the Kentucky-born Skaggs referred to himself as and “old fud.”
I’m not sure what an old fud is in Kentucky, but here in Pennsylvania, it’s likely followed by, “I want you to be vewy, vewy quiet . . . I’m hunting wabbits.”
Elmer Fudd - apparently one of history's famous Pennsylvanians.
Brian Seltzer — The Elkins Park native was named the new play-by-play voice of the Reading Phillies in February.
The cool thing about his story was that his first exposure to a live sporting event was Game 6 of the 1993 National League Championship Series between the Phillies and the Atlanta Braves.
WOW! That's not cool.
In Seltzer’s party that day was a teacher from Myers Elementary School named . . . Mike Schmidt, who still teaches at the school and shares a name with a certain Phillies Hall of Fame third baseman.
WOW! Still not cool.
Nearly 17 years after that day in Veterans Stadium, Seltzer got the job with the Reading Phillies.
As for all the coincidences in that story, I’ll defer to the late Hall of Fame broadcaster Rich Asburn: “Hard to believe, Harry.”
Ha! Are you kidding me? The current Reading Phillies' announcer once attended to a Phillies game and knew a guy with the same name as a Philly player.
Olivia Newton-John — Remember the scene in “Grease” when the John Travolta character unexpectedly sees the Olivia Newton-John character for the first time at Rydell High School? He exclaims, “Sandy?”
That’s what I wanted to say when my office phone rang and the voice on the other end said, “Hello, this is Olivia.”
I grew up on Olivia Newton-John’s music. And when “Grease” came out in 1979, I was 20 years old. I can assure you that I thought then that Ms. Newton-John did more for black stretch pants than anybody has ever done in the history of black stretch pants. (Further viewing of the movie reveals the pants may actually have been Spandex, but whatever they were made of, Olivia Newton-John looked pretty humma-humma in them.)
Disgusting.
She was in the area to do a benefit concert at West Chester University. I got a real kick out of talking to her. During our conversion, I even mentioned how fabulous she looked in those black leather (Spandex) pants, tastefully of course. I’m sure it wasn’t the first time she had heard that, but she giggled at the reference.
I made Olivia Newton-John giggle. That’s just too cool.
I would imagine it was more of a gag than a giggle.
Kathleen Turner — Another one of my favorites from the 1980s, Ms. Turner was in Philadelphia to star in the one-woman stage production of the life of newspaper columnist Molly Ivins.
If you remember Ms. Turner in the 1981 film “Body Heat,’ you know she was hot, hot, hot. Smokin’. Sultry. Sexy. Quite woo-hooable indeed.
We've already had three instances of Morsch lusting after the women he's interviewing. It's even making me uncomfortable.
And that voice. When I mentioned her unique voice during the interview, she said, “Well, it’s not really a girly voice now, is it?”
No ma’am it’s not, but it’s still, well . . . ahem. Is it getting warm in here or is it just me?
Sick!
Candace Bushnell — The “Sex in the City” author was at Penn State Abington for a discussion and book signing. Those of you who are fans of the HBO show and later movies will know that Ms. Bushnell’s alter ego Carrie Bradshaw (played by Sarah Jessica Parker) loves shoes.
And Ms. Bushnell did not disappoint the Penn State Abington crowd with her shoe selection: sparkly, pink, peep-toed six-inch stiletto heels by Christian Louboutin.
At the time I wrote: “They were more pink than ruby, but I’m pretty sure if Ms. Bushnell would have clicked those substantial heels together three times, we would have ended up somewhere in Kansas.”
Why don't you just re-print the entire article? It would be easier than coming up with new material, as you've obviously discovered.
And I’m still not sure who Christian Louboutin is. My guess is that he’s not from Kansas.
There were a few "guy with strange name" jokes in the original column as well.
Jo Dee Messina — Ms. Messina was making a return engagement to the Keswick Theater when I spoke with her in March.
The last time she was at the Keswick, in December 2008, she was in a hissing match with her record label, which wouldn’t release any of her new music. And she wasn’t shy about expressing her considerable displeasure with the record label to a reporter.
This time around, though, some of those differences appeared to have been resolved and Ms. Messina was tickled to be getting some new music to her fans.
This is like a horrible, never-ending deja vu nightmare.
In both interviews I’ve done with her, I have found her to be brutally honest with her answers and her relationship — or lack of one — with her record company.
Jo Dee can be aptly described as “feisty.” And she’s got a wonderfully feisty laugh on the other end of the telephone.
I don't want to know what Morsch was doing on his end of the telephone.
Joziah Longo — The frontman for the band Gandalf Murphy and the Slambovian Circus of Dreams, Longo is one interesting character. And that’s one great name for a band.
The story of how he came up with that name of the band is interesting enough, as I detailed in the story at the time, but add it to what he described as the “trippiness” of his music, and it was clear to see why the band has been described as “hillbilly Pink Floyd.”
One minor quibble - what makes these the "top" interviews of the year? I was expecting some kind of raking system, or a bit of explanation at the very least.
I was at the band’s show at the Sellersville Theater at the beginning of May, and the Slambovians delivered the goods.
Marilyn Hanold — A special guest at this year’s Three Stooges Fan Club convention in Fort Washington, Hanold was in the 1957 Stooges film “Space Ship Sappy” with the boys.
My God - if we can get a "spilling mustard" joke and a Hall and Oates reference in here, we really WILL have a "top Morsch cliches" article.
But also on her resume: She was Playboy’s Playmate of the Month in June 1959; she starred in the 1965 cult classic “Frankenstein Meets the Spacemonster,” which some critics have called the worst movie ever made; she appeared in a two-part episode as Liberace’s henchwoman in the campy television series “Batman” in 1966, which became the show’s highest-rated episode during its run; and she dated Elvis Presley in the 1950s.
She said Elvis got a huge kick about the fact that she had appeared in a Three Stooges short film. How could I not want to talk to somebody with that background? At seventysomething years of age, she’s still a head-turner.
Lusting after a 70-something-year-old woman - the Blonde Accountant must have headaches an awful lot, huh?
Kathy Mattea — The best interviews are the ones that end up being conversations, like two people sitting at a kitchen table chatting about life. Of course, when it comes to talking with a reporter, the interview subject will determine just how much of a kitchen table chat that will be.
What? I will pay $5 for someone to tell me what the hell that paragraph means.
Ms. Mattea — one of country music’s big females stars — is down to earth and easy to talk to, intelligent and articulate. Her stage presence and easiness with the crowd seemed perfectly suited for a venue like the Sellersville Theater.
And she spent a lot of time greeting fans after the show, which always impresses me.
No freakin' kidding. He mentions that in every article. IT'S WHAT THEY DO. Get over it. It's like being impressed when a politician shakes your hand. And that's the second Sellersville Theater reference we've had.
Mary Chapin Carpenter — Sticking with the intelligent and articulate conversation theme, Ms. Carpenter was much the same as Ms. Mattea, an easy telephone conversation, although I did botch her name a bit and she called me on it.
I referred to her as “Mary” in my greeting to her, which she promptly corrected. “My first name is Mary Chapin,” she said.
So she's a total bitch, is that what you're saying?
She was back on tour for the first time since recovering from a health scare that nearly took her life a few years ago, and was happy to be back on the road.
Unfortunately, I didn’t get a chance to see her August performance at the Keswick Theater in Glenside.
Any day that Morsch actually misses a local concert is one worth noting.
Ashley Gbemudu — The Wyndmoor teen, a recent graduate of Springfield Township High School, was selected to win the “Young Heroes Award” from the National Liberty Museum for being an outstanding role model in her school and community.
Ashley wants to get an undergraduate degree in nursing from Drexel University and then attend medical school, with the ultimate goal of being a pediatric oncologist.
It’s wonderful to talk with talented and ambitious young people who are recognized for their hard work.
I hope Morsch advised her to take time to greet her fans - truly the hallmark of any great person.
Paul Thorn — Not that it was a bad interview, but there was nothing unusual or special about my talk with Americana singer-songwriter Thorn. He did, however, provide what I thought was the greatest stage exit at the end of his show at the Sellersville Theater in August.
I'm thinking Morsch should re-name his column "Outta Sellersville Theater." It would more accurately reflect what he writes about.
Certainly, it was one of those moments where one had to be there to appreciate it. And the emotion and feeling loses something when put into words.
But during the encore song “That’s Life,” Thorn exited off the front of the stage while the band continued to play, hugging and shaking hands with the fans. He continued that through the crowd, up the aisle and into the lobby of the theater, where he stayed to greet fans.
It was the coolest stage exit I had ever seen.
This literally made me laugh. THAT was the coolest stage exit? The guy walked through the crowd and stood in the lobby?
Esai Morales — The popular actor — known for his roles in the 1987 film “La Bamba” as Ritchie Valens’ brother and as Lt. Tony Rodriguez from 2001-2004 on the acclaimed ABC series “NYPD Blue” — was at Penn State Abington in September as part of Hispanic Heritage Month.
As the time, he was on baby watch as he was expecting the birth of his first child at any moment back in Los Angeles. We talked a lot about impending fatherhood, and it was fun to listen to a first-time dad-to-be talk about the range of emotions he was feeling.
"The popular actor" - I'd never heard of this guy before.
Morales charmed the Penn State students and staff, and the baby didn’t arrive until he got back to Los Angeles.
Pete Rose — No matter what opinion one has of Rose as a person or if he belongs in the Major League Baseball Hall of Fame, there’s no denying he is a legend. And how many legends does one get to talk to?
I talked to "The Living Legend" Bruno Sammartino once. So I've got Morsch tied.
Rose was in Philly in October for the premiere of a new documentary on his playing days. The Hall of Fame debate will always be a part of every story on Pete, and he didn’t dodge those questions.
In one 20-minute conversation though, it occurred to me that although Pete likes to talk, he sometimes has trouble articulating his thoughts.
After reading more than a year of your column, sir, I'd direct you to the old proverb about living in a glass house. How dare this stooge accuse someone of not being able to express himself?!?
For example, he told a story about the impact he had on the Phillies 1980 championship team. The story centered on respect the players had for him — coming from those great Cincinnati Reds teams of the mid-1970s — and for each other in the clubhouse and on the field.
Given the context of the conversion and its tone, it could have sounded to some like Pete was actually being arrogant — a claim made often about Pete — and disrespectful to teammates like Greg Luzinski, Bob Boone and Larry Bowa.
I don't think "has trouble articulating" and "being arrogant" are the same thing.
That wasn’t the case at all. It’s just that he had trouble articulating those thoughts in their proper context. Consequently, I had trouble translating the story into the proper context for readers, so I was unable to effectively use the anecdote in my story.
Shut. Up. How many interviews has Pete Rose done? And not just with mediocre local reporters, but big-time national guys? Thousands? Is Morsch really prepared to say that the failure to put "thoughts in their proper context" was Rose's and not his own? What a colossal douche.
A Pittsburgh Pirates fan as a kid, I wasn’t too fond of Pete because he played for the Cincinnati Reds, and the two teams had a pretty good rivalry in the 1970s.
But I shared with him that I still have all my Pete Rose baseball cards from that era, including seven Rose cards from the 1971 set, the year the Pirates won the World Series.
I'm sure nobody has ever told Pete Rose that they actually own one of his baseball cards. And I'm sure Morsch has never told US that he liked the Pirates as a kid. Now, of course, he likes the Phillies. Front-runner.
Terri Clark — The country singer was still emotional about losing her mother to cancer in April when she brought her “Unplugged and Alone” tour to the Sellersville Theater in October. As I had lost my dad to cancer in 2006, we talked at length about those feelings.
Yet ANOTHER Sellersville interview makes the "top" list! Is anyone surprised?
The Sellersville show was filled with Clark’s emotion and she offered those attending an up-close look at those feelings. It made for a highly personal show between artist and audience, something you don’t see very often from the cheap seats.
No new material here. Didn't Morsch promise some kind of interesting new tidbits?
Bill Leahy — The La Salle High School lacrosse coach was inducted into the Montgomery County Coaches Hall of Fame in November.
I never played lacrosse and have only seen one lacrosse match in my life. When I went to the school to interview him for the story, the guy made such a good impression on me that I immediately wanted to pick up a stick, go back to high school, and play on his team, which might have been challenging because the stick I would have picked up would have been a baseball bat.
That is not funny and makes no sense.
I don’t think baseball bats are allowed during lacrosse games, but coach Leahy probably would have figured out a way for me to make it work.
He’s just that good of a coach. But he appears to be an even better human being. And what more can we ask out of those we entrust with our most precious commodity — our children?
The end. Seriously. Not even a little wrap-up paragraph. Other than being the perfect showcase for how lame, repetitive and clueless Morsch's columns are, what's the point of this column? It's not a "top ten." It's not even a "behind the scenes." It's more like a "I don't have a topic and the column is due tomorrow."
Unless this is a joke, that should be "who's the man."
Outta Leftfield: The most interesting interviews of 2010
Published: Tuesday, January 04, 2011
By Mike Morsch
Seeing the title of this article, one might suppose that this is sort of a "Top Ten" list of all the minor celebs and local musicians to whom Morsch has spoken. But seeing the LENGTH of this article, it's obvious that this is practically everyone to whom Morsch has spoken. Not unusual for a man who can't think of a bad thing to say about anyone (except Palin).
On the phone, Olivia Newton-John sounds just like she did in the classic film “Grease.” Joziah Longo, frontman for the band Gandalf Murphy and the Slambovian Circus of Dreams, has a distinctive look and a personality to match. Pete Rose sometimes says one thing during a conversation, but appears to mean something entirely different.
I love that Pete Rose thing - like Morsch is such an ace interviewer he can see into his very soul.
Those are just some of the tidbits of information that didn’t make it into the stories about these people when they visited our area last year. Here is a look at some of the memorable interviews of 2010:
Oh, if only we had gotten that "says something, appears to mean something else" tidbit sooner!
William Quigley and Roger Apollon — These two guys got together — Quigley as owner of the Sellersville Theater 1894 and Apollon as frontman for the band Bigger Thomas, whose parents are both Haitian — and put on a benefit concert to aid relief efforts for the people of Haiti devastated by a January earthquake.
Sellersville Theater! How about a "Most Over-Used Column Topics" post, Morsch?
Several area bands donated their time, and the ST94 staff worked the Sunday evening benefit for free. When the final tallying was done, the effort raised $12,000 for the International Red Cross.
Quigley, Apollon, all those involved and those who attended really came together as a community for a good cause.
So why exactly was this a great interview?
Jane Seymour — Ms. Seymour was back in the area in February exhibiting her art at Wentworth Gallery in the King of Prussia Mall and was more than willing to talk about it.
A celeb willing to promote herself. Imagine that.
It was pretty much the same interview and story as the one I wrote last year when she appeared at the gallery. But one of the founding principles of good journalism is . . . to never pass up an opportunity to interview the really good looking Hollywood stars when they come to our area.
By the way, at age 59, Ms. Seymour looks fabulous, has impeccable taste in clothing and in person is a tiny woman, much smaller than I had expected.
At least Morsch admits that he writes the same crap over and over.
Dr. Ronald Mallett — A renowned physicist, Dr. Mallett was at the Penn State Abington campus to give a lecture about his work with time travel.
It was more physics than it was “Back to the Future” science fiction, but it was interesting and informative, and Dr. Mallett was a good interview.
Care to elaborate on that? No? Cool.
Apparently filmmaker and director Spike Lee is making a movie about Mallett’s childhood desire to build a time machine and travel back in time to warn his father of an impending fatal heart attack. I was hoping to at least make enough of an impression on Dr. Mallett that he would put in a good word with Lee to see if I could get a cameo in the film. As a cynical reporter, of course.
If there's a bumbling retard in Lee's film, we'll know who provided the inspiration.
Ricky Skaggs — Bluegrass isn’t my thing, but there is no denying that country superstar Skaggs is at the forefront these days of making sure this type of music is appreciated and not forgotten.
So basically, "I hate it, but he keeps doing it."
During an interview to preview his February appearance at the Sellersville Theater 1894, the Kentucky-born Skaggs referred to himself as and “old fud.”
I’m not sure what an old fud is in Kentucky, but here in Pennsylvania, it’s likely followed by, “I want you to be vewy, vewy quiet . . . I’m hunting wabbits.”
Elmer Fudd - apparently one of history's famous Pennsylvanians.
Brian Seltzer — The Elkins Park native was named the new play-by-play voice of the Reading Phillies in February.
The cool thing about his story was that his first exposure to a live sporting event was Game 6 of the 1993 National League Championship Series between the Phillies and the Atlanta Braves.
WOW! That's not cool.
In Seltzer’s party that day was a teacher from Myers Elementary School named . . . Mike Schmidt, who still teaches at the school and shares a name with a certain Phillies Hall of Fame third baseman.
WOW! Still not cool.
Nearly 17 years after that day in Veterans Stadium, Seltzer got the job with the Reading Phillies.
As for all the coincidences in that story, I’ll defer to the late Hall of Fame broadcaster Rich Asburn: “Hard to believe, Harry.”
Ha! Are you kidding me? The current Reading Phillies' announcer once attended to a Phillies game and knew a guy with the same name as a Philly player.
Olivia Newton-John — Remember the scene in “Grease” when the John Travolta character unexpectedly sees the Olivia Newton-John character for the first time at Rydell High School? He exclaims, “Sandy?”
That’s what I wanted to say when my office phone rang and the voice on the other end said, “Hello, this is Olivia.”
I grew up on Olivia Newton-John’s music. And when “Grease” came out in 1979, I was 20 years old. I can assure you that I thought then that Ms. Newton-John did more for black stretch pants than anybody has ever done in the history of black stretch pants. (Further viewing of the movie reveals the pants may actually have been Spandex, but whatever they were made of, Olivia Newton-John looked pretty humma-humma in them.)
Disgusting.
She was in the area to do a benefit concert at West Chester University. I got a real kick out of talking to her. During our conversion, I even mentioned how fabulous she looked in those black leather (Spandex) pants, tastefully of course. I’m sure it wasn’t the first time she had heard that, but she giggled at the reference.
I made Olivia Newton-John giggle. That’s just too cool.
I would imagine it was more of a gag than a giggle.
Kathleen Turner — Another one of my favorites from the 1980s, Ms. Turner was in Philadelphia to star in the one-woman stage production of the life of newspaper columnist Molly Ivins.
If you remember Ms. Turner in the 1981 film “Body Heat,’ you know she was hot, hot, hot. Smokin’. Sultry. Sexy. Quite woo-hooable indeed.
We've already had three instances of Morsch lusting after the women he's interviewing. It's even making me uncomfortable.
And that voice. When I mentioned her unique voice during the interview, she said, “Well, it’s not really a girly voice now, is it?”
No ma’am it’s not, but it’s still, well . . . ahem. Is it getting warm in here or is it just me?
Sick!
Candace Bushnell — The “Sex in the City” author was at Penn State Abington for a discussion and book signing. Those of you who are fans of the HBO show and later movies will know that Ms. Bushnell’s alter ego Carrie Bradshaw (played by Sarah Jessica Parker) loves shoes.
And Ms. Bushnell did not disappoint the Penn State Abington crowd with her shoe selection: sparkly, pink, peep-toed six-inch stiletto heels by Christian Louboutin.
At the time I wrote: “They were more pink than ruby, but I’m pretty sure if Ms. Bushnell would have clicked those substantial heels together three times, we would have ended up somewhere in Kansas.”
Why don't you just re-print the entire article? It would be easier than coming up with new material, as you've obviously discovered.
And I’m still not sure who Christian Louboutin is. My guess is that he’s not from Kansas.
There were a few "guy with strange name" jokes in the original column as well.
Jo Dee Messina — Ms. Messina was making a return engagement to the Keswick Theater when I spoke with her in March.
The last time she was at the Keswick, in December 2008, she was in a hissing match with her record label, which wouldn’t release any of her new music. And she wasn’t shy about expressing her considerable displeasure with the record label to a reporter.
This time around, though, some of those differences appeared to have been resolved and Ms. Messina was tickled to be getting some new music to her fans.
This is like a horrible, never-ending deja vu nightmare.
In both interviews I’ve done with her, I have found her to be brutally honest with her answers and her relationship — or lack of one — with her record company.
Jo Dee can be aptly described as “feisty.” And she’s got a wonderfully feisty laugh on the other end of the telephone.
I don't want to know what Morsch was doing on his end of the telephone.
Joziah Longo — The frontman for the band Gandalf Murphy and the Slambovian Circus of Dreams, Longo is one interesting character. And that’s one great name for a band.
The story of how he came up with that name of the band is interesting enough, as I detailed in the story at the time, but add it to what he described as the “trippiness” of his music, and it was clear to see why the band has been described as “hillbilly Pink Floyd.”
One minor quibble - what makes these the "top" interviews of the year? I was expecting some kind of raking system, or a bit of explanation at the very least.
I was at the band’s show at the Sellersville Theater at the beginning of May, and the Slambovians delivered the goods.
Marilyn Hanold — A special guest at this year’s Three Stooges Fan Club convention in Fort Washington, Hanold was in the 1957 Stooges film “Space Ship Sappy” with the boys.
My God - if we can get a "spilling mustard" joke and a Hall and Oates reference in here, we really WILL have a "top Morsch cliches" article.
But also on her resume: She was Playboy’s Playmate of the Month in June 1959; she starred in the 1965 cult classic “Frankenstein Meets the Spacemonster,” which some critics have called the worst movie ever made; she appeared in a two-part episode as Liberace’s henchwoman in the campy television series “Batman” in 1966, which became the show’s highest-rated episode during its run; and she dated Elvis Presley in the 1950s.
She said Elvis got a huge kick about the fact that she had appeared in a Three Stooges short film. How could I not want to talk to somebody with that background? At seventysomething years of age, she’s still a head-turner.
Lusting after a 70-something-year-old woman - the Blonde Accountant must have headaches an awful lot, huh?
Kathy Mattea — The best interviews are the ones that end up being conversations, like two people sitting at a kitchen table chatting about life. Of course, when it comes to talking with a reporter, the interview subject will determine just how much of a kitchen table chat that will be.
What? I will pay $5 for someone to tell me what the hell that paragraph means.
Ms. Mattea — one of country music’s big females stars — is down to earth and easy to talk to, intelligent and articulate. Her stage presence and easiness with the crowd seemed perfectly suited for a venue like the Sellersville Theater.
And she spent a lot of time greeting fans after the show, which always impresses me.
No freakin' kidding. He mentions that in every article. IT'S WHAT THEY DO. Get over it. It's like being impressed when a politician shakes your hand. And that's the second Sellersville Theater reference we've had.
Mary Chapin Carpenter — Sticking with the intelligent and articulate conversation theme, Ms. Carpenter was much the same as Ms. Mattea, an easy telephone conversation, although I did botch her name a bit and she called me on it.
I referred to her as “Mary” in my greeting to her, which she promptly corrected. “My first name is Mary Chapin,” she said.
So she's a total bitch, is that what you're saying?
She was back on tour for the first time since recovering from a health scare that nearly took her life a few years ago, and was happy to be back on the road.
Unfortunately, I didn’t get a chance to see her August performance at the Keswick Theater in Glenside.
Any day that Morsch actually misses a local concert is one worth noting.
Ashley Gbemudu — The Wyndmoor teen, a recent graduate of Springfield Township High School, was selected to win the “Young Heroes Award” from the National Liberty Museum for being an outstanding role model in her school and community.
Ashley wants to get an undergraduate degree in nursing from Drexel University and then attend medical school, with the ultimate goal of being a pediatric oncologist.
It’s wonderful to talk with talented and ambitious young people who are recognized for their hard work.
I hope Morsch advised her to take time to greet her fans - truly the hallmark of any great person.
Paul Thorn — Not that it was a bad interview, but there was nothing unusual or special about my talk with Americana singer-songwriter Thorn. He did, however, provide what I thought was the greatest stage exit at the end of his show at the Sellersville Theater in August.
I'm thinking Morsch should re-name his column "Outta Sellersville Theater." It would more accurately reflect what he writes about.
Certainly, it was one of those moments where one had to be there to appreciate it. And the emotion and feeling loses something when put into words.
But during the encore song “That’s Life,” Thorn exited off the front of the stage while the band continued to play, hugging and shaking hands with the fans. He continued that through the crowd, up the aisle and into the lobby of the theater, where he stayed to greet fans.
It was the coolest stage exit I had ever seen.
This literally made me laugh. THAT was the coolest stage exit? The guy walked through the crowd and stood in the lobby?
Esai Morales — The popular actor — known for his roles in the 1987 film “La Bamba” as Ritchie Valens’ brother and as Lt. Tony Rodriguez from 2001-2004 on the acclaimed ABC series “NYPD Blue” — was at Penn State Abington in September as part of Hispanic Heritage Month.
As the time, he was on baby watch as he was expecting the birth of his first child at any moment back in Los Angeles. We talked a lot about impending fatherhood, and it was fun to listen to a first-time dad-to-be talk about the range of emotions he was feeling.
"The popular actor" - I'd never heard of this guy before.
Morales charmed the Penn State students and staff, and the baby didn’t arrive until he got back to Los Angeles.
Pete Rose — No matter what opinion one has of Rose as a person or if he belongs in the Major League Baseball Hall of Fame, there’s no denying he is a legend. And how many legends does one get to talk to?
I talked to "The Living Legend" Bruno Sammartino once. So I've got Morsch tied.
Rose was in Philly in October for the premiere of a new documentary on his playing days. The Hall of Fame debate will always be a part of every story on Pete, and he didn’t dodge those questions.
In one 20-minute conversation though, it occurred to me that although Pete likes to talk, he sometimes has trouble articulating his thoughts.
After reading more than a year of your column, sir, I'd direct you to the old proverb about living in a glass house. How dare this stooge accuse someone of not being able to express himself?!?
For example, he told a story about the impact he had on the Phillies 1980 championship team. The story centered on respect the players had for him — coming from those great Cincinnati Reds teams of the mid-1970s — and for each other in the clubhouse and on the field.
Given the context of the conversion and its tone, it could have sounded to some like Pete was actually being arrogant — a claim made often about Pete — and disrespectful to teammates like Greg Luzinski, Bob Boone and Larry Bowa.
I don't think "has trouble articulating" and "being arrogant" are the same thing.
That wasn’t the case at all. It’s just that he had trouble articulating those thoughts in their proper context. Consequently, I had trouble translating the story into the proper context for readers, so I was unable to effectively use the anecdote in my story.
Shut. Up. How many interviews has Pete Rose done? And not just with mediocre local reporters, but big-time national guys? Thousands? Is Morsch really prepared to say that the failure to put "thoughts in their proper context" was Rose's and not his own? What a colossal douche.
A Pittsburgh Pirates fan as a kid, I wasn’t too fond of Pete because he played for the Cincinnati Reds, and the two teams had a pretty good rivalry in the 1970s.
But I shared with him that I still have all my Pete Rose baseball cards from that era, including seven Rose cards from the 1971 set, the year the Pirates won the World Series.
I'm sure nobody has ever told Pete Rose that they actually own one of his baseball cards. And I'm sure Morsch has never told US that he liked the Pirates as a kid. Now, of course, he likes the Phillies. Front-runner.
Terri Clark — The country singer was still emotional about losing her mother to cancer in April when she brought her “Unplugged and Alone” tour to the Sellersville Theater in October. As I had lost my dad to cancer in 2006, we talked at length about those feelings.
Yet ANOTHER Sellersville interview makes the "top" list! Is anyone surprised?
The Sellersville show was filled with Clark’s emotion and she offered those attending an up-close look at those feelings. It made for a highly personal show between artist and audience, something you don’t see very often from the cheap seats.
No new material here. Didn't Morsch promise some kind of interesting new tidbits?
Bill Leahy — The La Salle High School lacrosse coach was inducted into the Montgomery County Coaches Hall of Fame in November.
I never played lacrosse and have only seen one lacrosse match in my life. When I went to the school to interview him for the story, the guy made such a good impression on me that I immediately wanted to pick up a stick, go back to high school, and play on his team, which might have been challenging because the stick I would have picked up would have been a baseball bat.
That is not funny and makes no sense.
I don’t think baseball bats are allowed during lacrosse games, but coach Leahy probably would have figured out a way for me to make it work.
He’s just that good of a coach. But he appears to be an even better human being. And what more can we ask out of those we entrust with our most precious commodity — our children?
The end. Seriously. Not even a little wrap-up paragraph. Other than being the perfect showcase for how lame, repetitive and clueless Morsch's columns are, what's the point of this column? It's not a "top ten." It's not even a "behind the scenes." It's more like a "I don't have a topic and the column is due tomorrow."
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Another One-Joke Entry
Monday, October 25, 2010
Fun with the 'ICS Fun' staff
I admit, I jumped ahead and cheated on this one. There was a video posted that caught my attention, and before I could avert my eyes and scroll past, I saw that it involved some elementary schoolchildren. So I'll guess this is a "kids say the darndest things" post.
I always enjoy talking to students and such was the case Oct. 21 when I was invited to speak at Immaculate Conception School in Jenkintown.
Classic! This is literally a waste of words. "I like doing X, so when I did X, I liked it."
After several years without a school newspaper, school officials and the kids have decided to “re-launch” a publication, this one called “ICS Fun,” the name of which was suggested by fifth-grader Kylie Purcaro.
Prediction: the quality of the ICS Fun publication will soon far out-distance that of Outta Leftfield. Little Ms. Purcaro already has a leg up on Morsch in the creativity department.
Robert Loughney, president of the Immaculate Conception School Home and School Association, contacted me and asked if I would speak to the students as a representative of their “hometown newspaper,” the Times Chronicle, an offer that I never turn down no matter what school or age group of students, from elementary to college.
Good thing they didn't ask you to tell the kids about run-on sentences. And Mr. Loughney - next time, ask an actual professional to show up.
My mom was a teacher and my dad was a school superintendent, so maybe the attraction to the education field is in my blood. All I know is that I do like the opportunity to give back to the communities with which I am involved.
Is this satire? Because if it isn't, I haven't seen anything remotely resembling humor so far.
Thanks to IMS Principal Dr. Diane Greco (who we learned in class used to be a ballerina, a “scoop” that the student journalists were urged to pursue for a future edition of the school newspaper), I was welcomed to the school.
The school's collective IQ immediately dipped by 20 points.
I was relieved, however, that Dr. Greco did not ask me to dance because I have not practiced by ballet steps in quite a while.
I believe he means "practiced MY ballet steps." Unless he has a cold.
Ah, halfway in and we have our first clumsy stab at a joke. To me - and this is just me - it seems a tad trite to make an "I can't dance" joke so soon after he devoted an entire column to the subject.
Newspaper class moderator is Elena Cipolla, who when I arrived was imploring the kids to “make the deadline” or they wouldn’t be in a position to produce their first issue of the ICS Fun next week.
I wish I had a nickel for every time that I’ve been asked — or that I’ve asked a reporter — to “make the deadline” in the past 30 years.
This would imply that people were actually willing to pay him for his work, which, in a sane world, nobody would.
I spent about an hour with the kids, which ranged in age from fifth grade through eighth grade.
Case in point - "which" doesn't go with "kids." You don't say, "I spent an hour with my niece and nephew, which are four and two." Idiot.
We talked about reading (good writers are good readers) and writing and making deadlines.
"Good writers are good readers." Very true. Name the last time the author has referred to any book he has read.
I rest my case.
We even went over the video aspect of what a reporter does these days, which you can see a little bit of in the accompanying video. I was glad to offer pointers and encourage the students in their venture.
The sad part about this is that the kids probably thought he was cool. What a disservice to our youth.
Hopefully ICS Fun will be a learning experience and successful endeavor for the students and the school. And maybe one or two of the kids will become professional reporters or editors some day.
And maybe, just maybe, they will become reporters who report on meaningful things, or editors who know the basics of grammar. Unlike some.
Labels: Immaculate Conception School, Mike Morsch, Montgomery Newspapers, Outta Leftfield
Fun with the 'ICS Fun' staff
I admit, I jumped ahead and cheated on this one. There was a video posted that caught my attention, and before I could avert my eyes and scroll past, I saw that it involved some elementary schoolchildren. So I'll guess this is a "kids say the darndest things" post.
I always enjoy talking to students and such was the case Oct. 21 when I was invited to speak at Immaculate Conception School in Jenkintown.
Classic! This is literally a waste of words. "I like doing X, so when I did X, I liked it."
After several years without a school newspaper, school officials and the kids have decided to “re-launch” a publication, this one called “ICS Fun,” the name of which was suggested by fifth-grader Kylie Purcaro.
Prediction: the quality of the ICS Fun publication will soon far out-distance that of Outta Leftfield. Little Ms. Purcaro already has a leg up on Morsch in the creativity department.
Robert Loughney, president of the Immaculate Conception School Home and School Association, contacted me and asked if I would speak to the students as a representative of their “hometown newspaper,” the Times Chronicle, an offer that I never turn down no matter what school or age group of students, from elementary to college.
Good thing they didn't ask you to tell the kids about run-on sentences. And Mr. Loughney - next time, ask an actual professional to show up.
My mom was a teacher and my dad was a school superintendent, so maybe the attraction to the education field is in my blood. All I know is that I do like the opportunity to give back to the communities with which I am involved.
Is this satire? Because if it isn't, I haven't seen anything remotely resembling humor so far.
Thanks to IMS Principal Dr. Diane Greco (who we learned in class used to be a ballerina, a “scoop” that the student journalists were urged to pursue for a future edition of the school newspaper), I was welcomed to the school.
The school's collective IQ immediately dipped by 20 points.
I was relieved, however, that Dr. Greco did not ask me to dance because I have not practiced by ballet steps in quite a while.
I believe he means "practiced MY ballet steps." Unless he has a cold.
Ah, halfway in and we have our first clumsy stab at a joke. To me - and this is just me - it seems a tad trite to make an "I can't dance" joke so soon after he devoted an entire column to the subject.
Newspaper class moderator is Elena Cipolla, who when I arrived was imploring the kids to “make the deadline” or they wouldn’t be in a position to produce their first issue of the ICS Fun next week.
I wish I had a nickel for every time that I’ve been asked — or that I’ve asked a reporter — to “make the deadline” in the past 30 years.
This would imply that people were actually willing to pay him for his work, which, in a sane world, nobody would.
I spent about an hour with the kids, which ranged in age from fifth grade through eighth grade.
Case in point - "which" doesn't go with "kids." You don't say, "I spent an hour with my niece and nephew, which are four and two." Idiot.
We talked about reading (good writers are good readers) and writing and making deadlines.
"Good writers are good readers." Very true. Name the last time the author has referred to any book he has read.
I rest my case.
We even went over the video aspect of what a reporter does these days, which you can see a little bit of in the accompanying video. I was glad to offer pointers and encourage the students in their venture.
The sad part about this is that the kids probably thought he was cool. What a disservice to our youth.
Hopefully ICS Fun will be a learning experience and successful endeavor for the students and the school. And maybe one or two of the kids will become professional reporters or editors some day.
And maybe, just maybe, they will become reporters who report on meaningful things, or editors who know the basics of grammar. Unlike some.
Labels: Immaculate Conception School, Mike Morsch, Montgomery Newspapers, Outta Leftfield
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Terrible at Everything
That just wasn't a playoff effort by Roy Oswalt. And despite his W-L record, Bronson Aroyo isn't this good. about 6 hours ago via web
Um... it's Bronson ARROYO. You only had a perfect view of that on his uniform for 5+ innings. And yes, Mr. ARROYO is that good. Over the past three seasons, he has 47 wins for the sinkin' Reds (Cole Hamels, by the way, has 36). He's pitched 200+ innings six years in a row, and he has a 1.15 WHIP this season. Some of Morsch's patented Internet research would really help him in certain situations. Ass.
Even with all that offspeed horsebleep that Aroyo is tossing up there, he shouldn't be able to throw a fastball by Ryan Howard. about 5 hours ago via web
Again, it's ARROYO. Add "horsebleep" to the list of words Morsch absolutely adores using. And in case you haven't watched a single Phillies game in the past 4 years or so, just about every pitcher in baseball can strike out Ryan Howard.
Baseball is the passion of Morsch's life, and he's worse at watching it than he is writing about it. Is there anything this man can't fail at?
Um... it's Bronson ARROYO. You only had a perfect view of that on his uniform for 5+ innings. And yes, Mr. ARROYO is that good. Over the past three seasons, he has 47 wins for the sinkin' Reds (Cole Hamels, by the way, has 36). He's pitched 200+ innings six years in a row, and he has a 1.15 WHIP this season. Some of Morsch's patented Internet research would really help him in certain situations. Ass.
Even with all that offspeed horsebleep that Aroyo is tossing up there, he shouldn't be able to throw a fastball by Ryan Howard. about 5 hours ago via web
Again, it's ARROYO. Add "horsebleep" to the list of words Morsch absolutely adores using. And in case you haven't watched a single Phillies game in the past 4 years or so, just about every pitcher in baseball can strike out Ryan Howard.
Baseball is the passion of Morsch's life, and he's worse at watching it than he is writing about it. Is there anything this man can't fail at?
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Losing It
Since he's not even bothering to try and be funny anymore, I figured I'd analyze a few parts of Morsch's latest actual "journalistic" effort. It's sure to be a real crowd-pleaser:
Rape victim walks right up to the 'line' of consent
There are many subjects that Morsch isn't qualified to address - basically anything that isn't baseball (and also 90% of baseball). But of all those issues, I'd put this one close to the top.
You might say that Nancy Schwartzman is drawing the proverbial line in the sand. And she wants people to have frank and open discussions about just where that “line” is located, all in an effort to curb sexual attacks.
I suppose I might say that, yes. It's amusing watching Morsch try and write something coherent - like a child trying to compose a symphony with a spoon and a frying pan.
But that’s where it gets a little more complicated. Schwartzman, a filmmaker, writer, activist and survivor of sexual assault was at Penn State Abington Thursday to present her documentary film “The Line,” an examination of healthy relationships and sexual consent.
How does that complicate "it"? What is "it"? I think that Morsch writes his stories with the aid of a random journalistic phrase generator. It spits out things like "But that's where it gets a little more complicated" and "However, there's another side to this story," and he randomly inserts them when he's at a loss for a paragraph transition.
Really, you don't want to read this whole story. It's dull and boring and Morsch doesn't even try to work a baseball reference in, like "Schwartzman wants kids to poop all over rape like J-Roll poops all over a high fastball." I found this interesting:
According to Schwartzman... she was a wild, outspoken and fierce young woman before her attack... Although the sex between the two was consensual at first, things turned ugly as the act progressed and Schwartzman was forced to do things she did not want to do.
Got it? But then later...
“Abstinence-only sex education has done such a disservice to young people,” said Schwartzman.
Yep, because... if they don't have sex... they'd never be having "consensual" sex... that could then "turn ugly"... so... um... Oh, right! So decided where your "line" is... and... um... don't let things get ugly. Perfect! Thanks, Ms. Schwartzman.
From Twitter. It seems that stereotypically stupid Pennsylvania Democrat Morsch is losing it in the face of the approaching GOP tidal wave this November.
Sister Sarah's endorsed wingnut wins in Delaware primary. Good. Now she can get handed her ass by the Dems.
Can you sense the fury dripping from this post? All the "hatred" is on the conservative side, right?
@marclombardi Normally I would agree with that, esp if GOP works against its own teabaggers. But they shouldn't be underestimated.
Hey-oh! "Teabaggers." All the homophobia is on the conservative side, right?
@MichaelStubel I'm scrathing my head and starting preliminary research on moving to Canada if the Tea Party gets the keys to the outhouse.
You have two months. Bye.
Rape victim walks right up to the 'line' of consent
There are many subjects that Morsch isn't qualified to address - basically anything that isn't baseball (and also 90% of baseball). But of all those issues, I'd put this one close to the top.
You might say that Nancy Schwartzman is drawing the proverbial line in the sand. And she wants people to have frank and open discussions about just where that “line” is located, all in an effort to curb sexual attacks.
I suppose I might say that, yes. It's amusing watching Morsch try and write something coherent - like a child trying to compose a symphony with a spoon and a frying pan.
But that’s where it gets a little more complicated. Schwartzman, a filmmaker, writer, activist and survivor of sexual assault was at Penn State Abington Thursday to present her documentary film “The Line,” an examination of healthy relationships and sexual consent.
How does that complicate "it"? What is "it"? I think that Morsch writes his stories with the aid of a random journalistic phrase generator. It spits out things like "But that's where it gets a little more complicated" and "However, there's another side to this story," and he randomly inserts them when he's at a loss for a paragraph transition.
Really, you don't want to read this whole story. It's dull and boring and Morsch doesn't even try to work a baseball reference in, like "Schwartzman wants kids to poop all over rape like J-Roll poops all over a high fastball." I found this interesting:
According to Schwartzman... she was a wild, outspoken and fierce young woman before her attack... Although the sex between the two was consensual at first, things turned ugly as the act progressed and Schwartzman was forced to do things she did not want to do.
Got it? But then later...
“Abstinence-only sex education has done such a disservice to young people,” said Schwartzman.
Yep, because... if they don't have sex... they'd never be having "consensual" sex... that could then "turn ugly"... so... um... Oh, right! So decided where your "line" is... and... um... don't let things get ugly. Perfect! Thanks, Ms. Schwartzman.
From Twitter. It seems that stereotypically stupid Pennsylvania Democrat Morsch is losing it in the face of the approaching GOP tidal wave this November.
Sister Sarah's endorsed wingnut wins in Delaware primary. Good. Now she can get handed her ass by the Dems.
Can you sense the fury dripping from this post? All the "hatred" is on the conservative side, right?
@marclombardi Normally I would agree with that, esp if GOP works against its own teabaggers. But they shouldn't be underestimated.
Hey-oh! "Teabaggers." All the homophobia is on the conservative side, right?
@MichaelStubel I'm scrathing my head and starting preliminary research on moving to Canada if the Tea Party gets the keys to the outhouse.
You have two months. Bye.
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