2010 - A Year of Lameness in Review

@chrisvisco1 Re: Article on you: Whose the man? Tuesday, January 04, 2011 9:55:04 PM via web in reply to chrisvisco1

Unless this is a joke, that should be "who's the man."

Outta Leftfield: The most interesting interviews of 2010
Published: Tuesday, January 04, 2011
By Mike Morsch

Seeing the title of this article, one might suppose that this is sort of a "Top Ten" list of all the minor celebs and local musicians to whom Morsch has spoken. But seeing the LENGTH of this article, it's obvious that this is practically everyone to whom Morsch has spoken. Not unusual for a man who can't think of a bad thing to say about anyone (except Palin).

On the phone, Olivia Newton-John sounds just like she did in the classic film “Grease.” Joziah Longo, frontman for the band Gandalf Murphy and the Slambovian Circus of Dreams, has a distinctive look and a personality to match. Pete Rose sometimes says one thing during a conversation, but appears to mean something entirely different.

I love that Pete Rose thing - like Morsch is such an ace interviewer he can see into his very soul.

Those are just some of the tidbits of information that didn’t make it into the stories about these people when they visited our area last year. Here is a look at some of the memorable interviews of 2010:

Oh, if only we had gotten that "says something, appears to mean something else" tidbit sooner!

William Quigley and Roger Apollon — These two guys got together — Quigley as owner of the Sellersville Theater 1894 and Apollon as frontman for the band Bigger Thomas, whose parents are both Haitian — and put on a benefit concert to aid relief efforts for the people of Haiti devastated by a January earthquake.

Sellersville Theater! How about a "Most Over-Used Column Topics" post, Morsch?

Several area bands donated their time, and the ST94 staff worked the Sunday evening benefit for free. When the final tallying was done, the effort raised $12,000 for the International Red Cross.

Quigley, Apollon, all those involved and those who attended really came together as a community for a good cause.

So why exactly was this a great interview?

Jane Seymour — Ms. Seymour was back in the area in February exhibiting her art at Wentworth Gallery in the King of Prussia Mall and was more than willing to talk about it.

A celeb willing to promote herself. Imagine that.

It was pretty much the same interview and story as the one I wrote last year when she appeared at the gallery. But one of the founding principles of good journalism is . . . to never pass up an opportunity to interview the really good looking Hollywood stars when they come to our area.

By the way, at age 59, Ms. Seymour looks fabulous, has impeccable taste in clothing and in person is a tiny woman, much smaller than I had expected.

At least Morsch admits that he writes the same crap over and over.

Dr. Ronald Mallett — A renowned physicist, Dr. Mallett was at the Penn State Abington campus to give a lecture about his work with time travel.

It was more physics than it was “Back to the Future” science fiction, but it was interesting and informative, and Dr. Mallett was a good interview.

Care to elaborate on that? No? Cool.

Apparently filmmaker and director Spike Lee is making a movie about Mallett’s childhood desire to build a time machine and travel back in time to warn his father of an impending fatal heart attack. I was hoping to at least make enough of an impression on Dr. Mallett that he would put in a good word with Lee to see if I could get a cameo in the film. As a cynical reporter, of course.

If there's a bumbling retard in Lee's film, we'll know who provided the inspiration.

Ricky Skaggs — Bluegrass isn’t my thing, but there is no denying that country superstar Skaggs is at the forefront these days of making sure this type of music is appreciated and not forgotten.

So basically, "I hate it, but he keeps doing it."

During an interview to preview his February appearance at the Sellersville Theater 1894, the Kentucky-born Skaggs referred to himself as and “old fud.”
I’m not sure what an old fud is in Kentucky, but here in Pennsylvania, it’s likely followed by, “I want you to be vewy, vewy quiet . . . I’m hunting wabbits.”

Elmer Fudd - apparently one of history's famous Pennsylvanians.

Brian Seltzer — The Elkins Park native was named the new play-by-play voice of the Reading Phillies in February.

The cool thing about his story was that his first exposure to a live sporting event was Game 6 of the 1993 National League Championship Series between the Phillies and the Atlanta Braves.

WOW! That's not cool.

In Seltzer’s party that day was a teacher from Myers Elementary School named . . . Mike Schmidt, who still teaches at the school and shares a name with a certain Phillies Hall of Fame third baseman.

WOW! Still not cool.

Nearly 17 years after that day in Veterans Stadium, Seltzer got the job with the Reading Phillies.

As for all the coincidences in that story, I’ll defer to the late Hall of Fame broadcaster Rich Asburn: “Hard to believe, Harry.”

Ha! Are you kidding me? The current Reading Phillies' announcer once attended to a Phillies game and knew a guy with the same name as a Philly player.

Olivia Newton-John — Remember the scene in “Grease” when the John Travolta character unexpectedly sees the Olivia Newton-John character for the first time at Rydell High School? He exclaims, “Sandy?”

That’s what I wanted to say when my office phone rang and the voice on the other end said, “Hello, this is Olivia.”

I grew up on Olivia Newton-John’s music. And when “Grease” came out in 1979, I was 20 years old. I can assure you that I thought then that Ms. Newton-John did more for black stretch pants than anybody has ever done in the history of black stretch pants. (Further viewing of the movie reveals the pants may actually have been Spandex, but whatever they were made of, Olivia Newton-John looked pretty humma-humma in them.)

Disgusting.

She was in the area to do a benefit concert at West Chester University. I got a real kick out of talking to her. During our conversion, I even mentioned how fabulous she looked in those black leather (Spandex) pants, tastefully of course. I’m sure it wasn’t the first time she had heard that, but she giggled at the reference.

I made Olivia Newton-John giggle. That’s just too cool.

I would imagine it was more of a gag than a giggle.

Kathleen Turner — Another one of my favorites from the 1980s, Ms. Turner was in Philadelphia to star in the one-woman stage production of the life of newspaper columnist Molly Ivins.

If you remember Ms. Turner in the 1981 film “Body Heat,’ you know she was hot, hot, hot. Smokin’. Sultry. Sexy. Quite woo-hooable indeed.

We've already had three instances of Morsch lusting after the women he's interviewing. It's even making me uncomfortable.

And that voice. When I mentioned her unique voice during the interview, she said, “Well, it’s not really a girly voice now, is it?”

No ma’am it’s not, but it’s still, well . . . ahem. Is it getting warm in here or is it just me?

Sick!

Candace Bushnell — The “Sex in the City” author was at Penn State Abington for a discussion and book signing. Those of you who are fans of the HBO show and later movies will know that Ms. Bushnell’s alter ego Carrie Bradshaw (played by Sarah Jessica Parker) loves shoes.

And Ms. Bushnell did not disappoint the Penn State Abington crowd with her shoe selection: sparkly, pink, peep-toed six-inch stiletto heels by Christian Louboutin.

At the time I wrote: “They were more pink than ruby, but I’m pretty sure if Ms. Bushnell would have clicked those substantial heels together three times, we would have ended up somewhere in Kansas.”

Why don't you just re-print the entire article? It would be easier than coming up with new material, as you've obviously discovered.

And I’m still not sure who Christian Louboutin is. My guess is that he’s not from Kansas.

There were a few "guy with strange name" jokes in the original column as well.

Jo Dee Messina — Ms. Messina was making a return engagement to the Keswick Theater when I spoke with her in March.

The last time she was at the Keswick, in December 2008, she was in a hissing match with her record label, which wouldn’t release any of her new music. And she wasn’t shy about expressing her considerable displeasure with the record label to a reporter.

This time around, though, some of those differences appeared to have been resolved and Ms. Messina was tickled to be getting some new music to her fans.

This is like a horrible, never-ending deja vu nightmare.

In both interviews I’ve done with her, I have found her to be brutally honest with her answers and her relationship — or lack of one — with her record company.

Jo Dee can be aptly described as “feisty.” And she’s got a wonderfully feisty laugh on the other end of the telephone.

I don't want to know what Morsch was doing on his end of the telephone.

Joziah Longo — The frontman for the band Gandalf Murphy and the Slambovian Circus of Dreams, Longo is one interesting character. And that’s one great name for a band.

The story of how he came up with that name of the band is interesting enough, as I detailed in the story at the time, but add it to what he described as the “trippiness” of his music, and it was clear to see why the band has been described as “hillbilly Pink Floyd.”

One minor quibble - what makes these the "top" interviews of the year? I was expecting some kind of raking system, or a bit of explanation at the very least.

I was at the band’s show at the Sellersville Theater at the beginning of May, and the Slambovians delivered the goods.

Marilyn Hanold — A special guest at this year’s Three Stooges Fan Club convention in Fort Washington, Hanold was in the 1957 Stooges film “Space Ship Sappy” with the boys.

My God - if we can get a "spilling mustard" joke and a Hall and Oates reference in here, we really WILL have a "top Morsch cliches" article.

But also on her resume: She was Playboy’s Playmate of the Month in June 1959; she starred in the 1965 cult classic “Frankenstein Meets the Spacemonster,” which some critics have called the worst movie ever made; she appeared in a two-part episode as Liberace’s henchwoman in the campy television series “Batman” in 1966, which became the show’s highest-rated episode during its run; and she dated Elvis Presley in the 1950s.

She said Elvis got a huge kick about the fact that she had appeared in a Three Stooges short film. How could I not want to talk to somebody with that background? At seventysomething years of age, she’s still a head-turner.

Lusting after a 70-something-year-old woman - the Blonde Accountant must have headaches an awful lot, huh?

Kathy Mattea — The best interviews are the ones that end up being conversations, like two people sitting at a kitchen table chatting about life. Of course, when it comes to talking with a reporter, the interview subject will determine just how much of a kitchen table chat that will be.

What? I will pay $5 for someone to tell me what the hell that paragraph means.

Ms. Mattea — one of country music’s big females stars — is down to earth and easy to talk to, intelligent and articulate. Her stage presence and easiness with the crowd seemed perfectly suited for a venue like the Sellersville Theater.

And she spent a lot of time greeting fans after the show, which always impresses me.

No freakin' kidding. He mentions that in every article. IT'S WHAT THEY DO. Get over it. It's like being impressed when a politician shakes your hand. And that's the second Sellersville Theater reference we've had.

Mary Chapin Carpenter — Sticking with the intelligent and articulate conversation theme, Ms. Carpenter was much the same as Ms. Mattea, an easy telephone conversation, although I did botch her name a bit and she called me on it.

I referred to her as “Mary” in my greeting to her, which she promptly corrected. “My first name is Mary Chapin,” she said.

So she's a total bitch, is that what you're saying?

She was back on tour for the first time since recovering from a health scare that nearly took her life a few years ago, and was happy to be back on the road.

Unfortunately, I didn’t get a chance to see her August performance at the Keswick Theater in Glenside.

Any day that Morsch actually misses a local concert is one worth noting.

Ashley Gbemudu — The Wyndmoor teen, a recent graduate of Springfield Township High School, was selected to win the “Young Heroes Award” from the National Liberty Museum for being an outstanding role model in her school and community.

Ashley wants to get an undergraduate degree in nursing from Drexel University and then attend medical school, with the ultimate goal of being a pediatric oncologist.

It’s wonderful to talk with talented and ambitious young people who are recognized for their hard work.

I hope Morsch advised her to take time to greet her fans - truly the hallmark of any great person.

Paul Thorn — Not that it was a bad interview, but there was nothing unusual or special about my talk with Americana singer-songwriter Thorn. He did, however, provide what I thought was the greatest stage exit at the end of his show at the Sellersville Theater in August.

I'm thinking Morsch should re-name his column "Outta Sellersville Theater." It would more accurately reflect what he writes about.

Certainly, it was one of those moments where one had to be there to appreciate it. And the emotion and feeling loses something when put into words.

But during the encore song “That’s Life,” Thorn exited off the front of the stage while the band continued to play, hugging and shaking hands with the fans. He continued that through the crowd, up the aisle and into the lobby of the theater, where he stayed to greet fans.

It was the coolest stage exit I had ever seen.

This literally made me laugh. THAT was the coolest stage exit? The guy walked through the crowd and stood in the lobby?

Esai Morales — The popular actor — known for his roles in the 1987 film “La Bamba” as Ritchie Valens’ brother and as Lt. Tony Rodriguez from 2001-2004 on the acclaimed ABC series “NYPD Blue” — was at Penn State Abington in September as part of Hispanic Heritage Month.

As the time, he was on baby watch as he was expecting the birth of his first child at any moment back in Los Angeles. We talked a lot about impending fatherhood, and it was fun to listen to a first-time dad-to-be talk about the range of emotions he was feeling.

"The popular actor" - I'd never heard of this guy before.

Morales charmed the Penn State students and staff, and the baby didn’t arrive until he got back to Los Angeles.

Pete Rose — No matter what opinion one has of Rose as a person or if he belongs in the Major League Baseball Hall of Fame, there’s no denying he is a legend. And how many legends does one get to talk to?

I talked to "The Living Legend" Bruno Sammartino once. So I've got Morsch tied.

Rose was in Philly in October for the premiere of a new documentary on his playing days. The Hall of Fame debate will always be a part of every story on Pete, and he didn’t dodge those questions.

In one 20-minute conversation though, it occurred to me that although Pete likes to talk, he sometimes has trouble articulating his thoughts.

After reading more than a year of your column, sir, I'd direct you to the old proverb about living in a glass house. How dare this stooge accuse someone of not being able to express himself?!?

For example, he told a story about the impact he had on the Phillies 1980 championship team. The story centered on respect the players had for him — coming from those great Cincinnati Reds teams of the mid-1970s — and for each other in the clubhouse and on the field.

Given the context of the conversion and its tone, it could have sounded to some like Pete was actually being arrogant — a claim made often about Pete — and disrespectful to teammates like Greg Luzinski, Bob Boone and Larry Bowa.

I don't think "has trouble articulating" and "being arrogant" are the same thing.

That wasn’t the case at all. It’s just that he had trouble articulating those thoughts in their proper context. Consequently, I had trouble translating the story into the proper context for readers, so I was unable to effectively use the anecdote in my story.

Shut. Up. How many interviews has Pete Rose done? And not just with mediocre local reporters, but big-time national guys? Thousands? Is Morsch really prepared to say that the failure to put "thoughts in their proper context" was Rose's and not his own? What a colossal douche.

A Pittsburgh Pirates fan as a kid, I wasn’t too fond of Pete because he played for the Cincinnati Reds, and the two teams had a pretty good rivalry in the 1970s.

But I shared with him that I still have all my Pete Rose baseball cards from that era, including seven Rose cards from the 1971 set, the year the Pirates won the World Series.

I'm sure nobody has ever told Pete Rose that they actually own one of his baseball cards. And I'm sure Morsch has never told US that he liked the Pirates as a kid. Now, of course, he likes the Phillies. Front-runner.

Terri Clark — The country singer was still emotional about losing her mother to cancer in April when she brought her “Unplugged and Alone” tour to the Sellersville Theater in October. As I had lost my dad to cancer in 2006, we talked at length about those feelings.

Yet ANOTHER Sellersville interview makes the "top" list! Is anyone surprised?

The Sellersville show was filled with Clark’s emotion and she offered those attending an up-close look at those feelings. It made for a highly personal show between artist and audience, something you don’t see very often from the cheap seats.

No new material here. Didn't Morsch promise some kind of interesting new tidbits?

Bill Leahy — The La Salle High School lacrosse coach was inducted into the Montgomery County Coaches Hall of Fame in November.

I never played lacrosse and have only seen one lacrosse match in my life. When I went to the school to interview him for the story, the guy made such a good impression on me that I immediately wanted to pick up a stick, go back to high school, and play on his team, which might have been challenging because the stick I would have picked up would have been a baseball bat.

That is not funny and makes no sense.

I don’t think baseball bats are allowed during lacrosse games, but coach Leahy probably would have figured out a way for me to make it work.

He’s just that good of a coach. But he appears to be an even better human being. And what more can we ask out of those we entrust with our most precious commodity — our children?

The end. Seriously. Not even a little wrap-up paragraph. Other than being the perfect showcase for how lame, repetitive and clueless Morsch's columns are, what's the point of this column? It's not a "top ten." It's not even a "behind the scenes." It's more like a "I don't have a topic and the column is due tomorrow."