Executive Editor Needs A Good Editor

Outta Leftfield
Published: Wednesday, April 21, 2010
By Mike Morsch
Executive Editor

Scientific rat tickling a real tale of mice and men

I had a moment of panic this morning, because this column wasn't published on the Souderton Independent website. I had to do a little searching through Montgomery Newspapers to find it. I have high hopes that this hilarious topic (animal testing - always fertile ground for guffaws) will not produce any reference to baseball.

It appears that rats love to be tickled. Who knew?

Well, the scientists figured it out because among the many things scientists like to study, laughter is among them. Hey, if I had known that goosing rats until they wet themselves was a legitimate scientific endeavor, I would have paid more attention in high school science class rather than snapping the bra strap of the girl who sat in front of me.

Read that again, folks: "because AMONG the many things scientists like to study, laughter is AMONG them." Morsch is AMONG the worst writers in newspaper history. Furthermore, I don't think that "goosing" is the same as tickling.

Times sure have changed, huh? For instance, I can't even laugh at the idea of snapping a girl's bra strap in school. That would get you suspended today, and possibly slapped with a lawsuit. But thankfully old perverts like MM can still chuckle at those sweet, innocent memories of sexual harassment.

According to a wire service story, laughter is a serious scientific subject, so much so that a neuroscientist named Robert Provine, a professor at the University of Maryland, has studied laughter for decades. It impresses me that an educator has spent his life devoted to studying laughter. I hope he’s fun at a party because it would be a bummer if he wasn’t.

Something about the phrase "spent his life devoted to studying" stikes me as odd. Anyone else think so? I think it would be more of a bummer if he spent his life studying comedy and wasn't fun at a party.

“All language groups laugh ‘ha-ha-ha’ basically the same way,” said Provine in the wire service story.

According to the professor, each “ha” is about one-15th of a second, repeated every fifth of a second.

Far be it for me to disagree with a scientist who has spent decades studying laughter,

Please do.

but he hasn’t spent much time with my language group.

Really? I'm pretty sure he has, unless something in the phrase "All language groups" means otherwise.

While there are times where I will throw out a “ha-ha-ha” laugh, more often than not, I am a “har-har-hardy-har-har” kind of guy. And I slap my knee so much that I need knee surgery.

Nobody says "hardy" when they are laughing. I've never heard anyone actually laugh and make the noise "har-har." And according to his article on the flower show, isn't his knee surgery necessitated by walking on hard concrete floors?

In fact, I have been known to giggle, chortle, guffaw and snort when I find something funny, such as when I consider the notion of guys in white lab coats tickling rats. That actually falls into the category of “yukking it up quite a bit.” And my “yuks” last well more than one-15th of a second.

This is what is known as "missing the point."

In fact, when I’m watching The Three Stooges, my “yuks” turn into “nyuks” and those last me most of the afternoon.

Does anyone really watch The Three Stooges these days? The only references to them I can remember come from Morsch, as a matter of fact.

According to Provine, deaf people laugh without hearing, and people on cell phones laugh without seeing, illustrating that laughter isn’t dependent on a single sense but on social interactions. And he adds that laughter is mostly about social responses rather than reaction to a joke.

It’s just that scientists consider laughing primal. No one teaches another person how to laugh, we just do it.

You know when we never do it? While reading your column.

People laugh involuntarily, in a specific rhythm and in certain spots in a conversation.

For example, if you and I are having a conversation and you inadvertently belch, I will probably laugh at that. I have since the fifth grade and I still do to this day.

I don't understand how this man is married. I really don't.

Speaking of the rats, a scientist named Jaak Panksepp, a psychology professor at Bowling Green University, is the dude who is doing all the rat tickling, according to the wire service story.

I'm making a prediction - Morsch will make fun of this guy's name. It's foreign! HA!

Not only can one look up Panksepp’s research on this in a scientific journal, if one goes to YouTube and types in “rat tickling,” one can watch Professor Panksepp grab a rat, roll the varmint over onto its back, and just goochie the poo right out of the animal. It’s pretty funny. The rat reacts much like a dog would when you scratch its belly, although I have yet to see any visual evidence that a rat’s leg will involuntarily go crazy nuts like the dog’s leg does in that scenario. In fact, if you tickled me my leg would do the same thing if I didn’t already need the knee surgery.

First he says that a rat reacts the same as a dog would when you scratch its belly... but then he says that its leg doesn't twitch. So how exactly is their reaction similar?

Panksepp then developed a method of measuring the high-pitched sounds the rats make when they are being tickled and determined they are actually not only enjoying the ticklefest but they are laughing out loud because of it. In fact, the rats like being goochied so much they will follow the professor’s hand around their Rat Town cages looking for the good professor to give them another tickle.

Something about how he's saying "goochied" instead of "tickled" strikes me as really dirty. I'm getting a bad taste in my mouth from it. It smacks of a dirty old man (i.e. Morsch) offering to "goochie" little girls on a playground.

While the researchers consider the study of laughter a serious bit of work, apparently the folks who pass out money for research grants do not share that opinion. In other words, they smell a rat.

Who didn't see that one coming a mile away?

According to Northwestern University biomedical engineering professor Jeffrey Burgdorf, he avoids using the word “laughter” when applying for grant money. He instead calls it “positive emotional response.”

He must be applying for government research grants. When was the last time the U.S. government had a sense a humor about anything (see former Vice President Dick Cheney)?

The U.S. government didn't have a sense of humor about Dick Cheney?

I'm sure Cheney is a pretty funny guy when you get to know him. Remember that "shotgun blast to the face" gag? Priceless!

Professor Panksepp agrees. “There’s no funding in fun research.”

But by studying rats, the researchers hope they can figure out what’s going on in the human brain during laughter.

I already know the answer to this. Inadvertent belching is just plain funny. And that’s something that tickles me more than the rats.

So the answer to "what's going on in the human brain during laughter" is "inadvertent belching is just plan funny." I know what's NOT going on in the human brain during laughter: Outta Leftfield.

I love how clever Morsch thinks he is with his call-backs. Hey, remember the "belching" joke I made a few paragraphs ago? Well BAM! Here it is again! It's like meeting an old friend.