I published a post on May 6, 2010, entitled "Pre-emptive Promise Breaking." Take a gander at these paragraphs from a news story published about the budget for the new Souderton Pool. The original budget was $2 million, with a $500K "emergency" loan (story in bold, my comments in italics):
“It’s our responsibility to not tap into that half million,” [Council President Brian] Goshow said.
Councilman Steven Toy echoed Goshow’s statements, and has no plans to use the money for the pool project unless it is absolutely necessary.
“I don’t hear anybody saying they want to use that money,” Toy said. “It’s contingency. That’s all it is.”
Prediction: Souderton will use the extra $500,000. All of it. If not more. They'll blow through it like a hooker through dope.
I wrote that over a year ago. Now check out this story from The Reporter newspaper, by Emily Morris:
The borough has exhausted its $2 million construction loan for the pool, Coll said, and is on track to be right on budget for the $3 million total projected cost.
Uh-oh... but if the original budget was $2 million...
There is currently $308,000 due to the prime contractors on the project, and Coll said he was filing reports with Univest Bank and Trust Co. this week to use the $500,000 contingency fund to pay those bills.
Gee, what a surprise, right? Shocking! So they ran through the $2 million, they're using the "emergency" $500K to pay off contractors, and they racked up ANOTHER $500,000 BEYOND THAT. I mean, I hate to be one of those people who say "I called it!" but... I pretty much called it.
Also note the fact that the professional journalist who wrote this latest story didn't even bother to look back and call out the political hacks in Souderton for breaking their word.
Friday, August 19, 2011
Saturday, August 13, 2011
New "Outta Leftfield" Subject: Baseball
Friday, August 12, 2011
Kruk, Williams solidify 'character' personas
We may have discussed how to swing a bat, we may have discussed going to a Yankess game, and we may have discussed Hunter Pence... but I never would have guessed that Borsch would pull this topic out of his hat! BASEBALL!
Remember those two old guy muppets on “The Muppet Show” — their names are Statler and Waldorf — who heckled the rest of the cast from the balcony, then yukked it up at their own jokes?
"Yukked." We're off to a roaring start.
Well, meet the modern-day Statler and Waldorf — Mitch Williams and John Kruk, mainstays of the 1993 Philadelphia Phillies squad that lost the World Series to the Toronto Blue Jays when Williams gave up a series-ending home run to Joe Carter. (Boo-boo, hiss-hiss.)
This is an idiotic statement in several ways. First off, Statler and Waldorf watched someone else's act and mocked it. So unless Williams and Kruk are watching a game and making fun of the players, the comparison doesn't even work. Second, they're making a Muppets movie right now. I'm pretty sure Statler and Waldorf will be in it. Statler and Waldorf are the modern-day Statler and Waldorf, not two untalented talking heads.
Put microphones in front of these two, sit back and prepare to be entertained.
Well hey, they're not Dennis Miller, after all. What is it, Borsch, no remarks about how much fatter Kruk is than you would expect? Maybe you could say they weren't quite as amusing as you had hoped?
They’ve known each other for a long time. Both talk baseball for a living now — Kruk for ESPN’s “Baseball Tonight” and Williams for MLB Network — and both are real characters.
What does one sentence have to do with the other? "These guys are old friends. Here are their jobs."
Kruk in particular has that “grumpy old guy” thing down, even though he’s only 50 years old. You expect him to shout, “Hey you kids, get off my lawn!” at any moment.
Ah, that's the first time we've heard that joke! Really, Borsch, if you're going to call yourself a "humor columnist," you should really have more than one joke per subject. "Old guys? Reference 'getting off lawn' joke." Comedy gold!
During their playing careers, neither Kruk nor Williams was all that fond of answering questions from reporters. But I happened to be standing next to former Phillies pitcher Tommy Greene while Kruk and Williams answered questions from the audience during that part of the festivities.
Again, how do these two sentences relate??? "They don't like answering questions. But I stood next to some guy." Is he writing this column on morphine or something?
Here's an example of the absolutely side-splitting riffs that these two comedic geniuses go off on. Move over, Don Rickles!
“Joe Carter is one of those rare right-handed hitters who likes the ball down and in,” Williams told the crowd. “I knew that, so that pitch was supposed to be up and away.”
“Missed by just a little bit, huh?” Kruk added.
"Added" really isn't the appropriate verb, there. And I'm sure they haven't had that exact same exchange 6,578 other times during public appearances.
Har-har-hardy-har-har. These guys should add a drummer to their act just for the rim shots.
Why, because they had one "funny" exchange? I love how we're supposed to buy their modern-day Statler and Waldorf credentials based on this one quote.
Blue collar guys for a blue collar city. They should never have to buy another beer in this town for as long as they live.
Aaaaaand slam on the breaks! Post's over. He goes from saying how hilarious they are, to providing one example of said hilarity, to saying that they should get free beers for life. Mr. Borsch, as always, is earning his pay.
Kruk, Williams solidify 'character' personas
We may have discussed how to swing a bat, we may have discussed going to a Yankess game, and we may have discussed Hunter Pence... but I never would have guessed that Borsch would pull this topic out of his hat! BASEBALL!
Remember those two old guy muppets on “The Muppet Show” — their names are Statler and Waldorf — who heckled the rest of the cast from the balcony, then yukked it up at their own jokes?
"Yukked." We're off to a roaring start.
Well, meet the modern-day Statler and Waldorf — Mitch Williams and John Kruk, mainstays of the 1993 Philadelphia Phillies squad that lost the World Series to the Toronto Blue Jays when Williams gave up a series-ending home run to Joe Carter. (Boo-boo, hiss-hiss.)
This is an idiotic statement in several ways. First off, Statler and Waldorf watched someone else's act and mocked it. So unless Williams and Kruk are watching a game and making fun of the players, the comparison doesn't even work. Second, they're making a Muppets movie right now. I'm pretty sure Statler and Waldorf will be in it. Statler and Waldorf are the modern-day Statler and Waldorf, not two untalented talking heads.
Put microphones in front of these two, sit back and prepare to be entertained.
Well hey, they're not Dennis Miller, after all. What is it, Borsch, no remarks about how much fatter Kruk is than you would expect? Maybe you could say they weren't quite as amusing as you had hoped?
They’ve known each other for a long time. Both talk baseball for a living now — Kruk for ESPN’s “Baseball Tonight” and Williams for MLB Network — and both are real characters.
What does one sentence have to do with the other? "These guys are old friends. Here are their jobs."
Kruk in particular has that “grumpy old guy” thing down, even though he’s only 50 years old. You expect him to shout, “Hey you kids, get off my lawn!” at any moment.
Ah, that's the first time we've heard that joke! Really, Borsch, if you're going to call yourself a "humor columnist," you should really have more than one joke per subject. "Old guys? Reference 'getting off lawn' joke." Comedy gold!
During their playing careers, neither Kruk nor Williams was all that fond of answering questions from reporters. But I happened to be standing next to former Phillies pitcher Tommy Greene while Kruk and Williams answered questions from the audience during that part of the festivities.
Again, how do these two sentences relate??? "They don't like answering questions. But I stood next to some guy." Is he writing this column on morphine or something?
Here's an example of the absolutely side-splitting riffs that these two comedic geniuses go off on. Move over, Don Rickles!
“Joe Carter is one of those rare right-handed hitters who likes the ball down and in,” Williams told the crowd. “I knew that, so that pitch was supposed to be up and away.”
“Missed by just a little bit, huh?” Kruk added.
"Added" really isn't the appropriate verb, there. And I'm sure they haven't had that exact same exchange 6,578 other times during public appearances.
Har-har-hardy-har-har. These guys should add a drummer to their act just for the rim shots.
Why, because they had one "funny" exchange? I love how we're supposed to buy their modern-day Statler and Waldorf credentials based on this one quote.
Blue collar guys for a blue collar city. They should never have to buy another beer in this town for as long as they live.
Aaaaaand slam on the breaks! Post's over. He goes from saying how hilarious they are, to providing one example of said hilarity, to saying that they should get free beers for life. Mr. Borsch, as always, is earning his pay.
Friday, August 5, 2011
Dare We Call This a Triple-Header?
OUTTA LEFTFIELD: Learning the physics of extension with a swivel chair and tripod
Published: Tuesday, August 02, 2011
By Mike Morsch
Executive Editor
Several new supremely uninteresting offerings from the King of Komedy, Michael Morsch. Highlights from the first one:
Any discussion of physics usually puts me to sleep. But add to that a swivel chair, a video camera tripod and a hotel room at 2:30 a.m. in Lakewood, N.J., and the physics discussion becomes immediately more entertaining … until I fall asleep.
This sounds like the plot of a bad porno film.
It’s not exactly easy to find oneself in a hotel room in the middle of New Jersey listening to someone go on about the physics of hitting a baseball. These kinds of things happen to me because, essentially, I am a big galoot who hangs around with like-minded knuckleheads.
Badabing! We've got baseball, and we've got words like "galoot" and "knuckleheads." Borsch talks about an old friend name John who sounds at least as unamusing as our favorite editor himself, and states that he is a bona fide purveyor of bull puckey. Google suggests that you spell it "bullpucky," but hey, I'm not one to nitpick.
Well, it turns out John is interested in (surprise!) baseball. Did I mention John is bald? I hope you think that's funny, because it's the only joke there is. Borsch also uses the terms "ballgame" and "ballplayers."
Monday, August 1, 2011
A Connecticut Yankee road trip
Branching out into new territory, Borsch decides to focus this effort on the game of baseball. He disguises it as a "precious moments with my daughter"-type post, but watch what Borsch rambles on about:
Our seats in Yankee Stadium ended up being a few rows behind and a few seats over from where Derek Jeter’s 3,000th hit landed in the leftfield bleachers a few weeks ago. The Yankees’ captain was the first Yankee to reach 3,000 career hits — not Ruth, not Gehrig, not DiMaggio, not Mantle. So Jeter’s accomplishment is a pretty big deal for a franchise that’s experienced a lot of pretty big deals in its existence.
Then later, when they actually get to the University of Hartford: Notable UHART graduates include the singer Dionne Warwick and Houston Astros retired first baseman Jeff Bagwell. Really?
He talks about visiting the home of Mark Twain and tries to impress us by telling us that this was merely his pen name. Gee, such arcane knowledge! Next he'll be telling us Muhammad Ali was just a stage name, too. He says he is "a writer of substantially less note" than Twain. This officially qualifies as the understatement of the millenium. I'm not the biggest Twain fan there is, but the thought of Borsch defiling that house with his presence sickens me.
Monday, August 1, 2011
Right field 'Pence-syl-mania'
Borsch's mind is always striving to expand and improve his art. Witness this column, which delves into the heretofore untouched realm of baseball! Here - not showing any discomfort at exploring such unfamiliar territory - he discusses the arrival of outfielder Hunter "The Mantis" Pence.
Let me pause a moment to say that Borsch is not only a bad writer - he's a cowardly hypocrite as well. A mere seven days ago, he had this to say on his Twitter account: I don't know this guy who the Eagles signed and could care less. And Hunter Pence just isn't that good.
But a mere 24 hours later, he directed this Twitter comment to Pence himself: Welcome to Philly. Will be there tonight in rightfield to greet you.
I hope you greet him with only the mildest applause because, you know, he's just not that good.
[Pence] reacted to the attention by waving to the faithful, tipping his cap a couple of times and turning to acknowledge the fans several times during the game.
Woah, a gracious celeb! Who would have thought? Showing that he is, as always, the consummate writer, Borsch follows that sentence with this one:
Pence wears his pants high, to show a lot of red sock. It’s a good look for him.
First: what the hell? And second: saying someone "wears his pants high" makes you think he has the waistline up around the ribcage, not that he just rolls his socks way up. And suddenly Borsch, the man whose lack fashion sense has fueled many a column, knows what a "good look" for anyone is?
Published: Tuesday, August 02, 2011
By Mike Morsch
Executive Editor
Several new supremely uninteresting offerings from the King of Komedy, Michael Morsch. Highlights from the first one:
Any discussion of physics usually puts me to sleep. But add to that a swivel chair, a video camera tripod and a hotel room at 2:30 a.m. in Lakewood, N.J., and the physics discussion becomes immediately more entertaining … until I fall asleep.
This sounds like the plot of a bad porno film.
It’s not exactly easy to find oneself in a hotel room in the middle of New Jersey listening to someone go on about the physics of hitting a baseball. These kinds of things happen to me because, essentially, I am a big galoot who hangs around with like-minded knuckleheads.
Badabing! We've got baseball, and we've got words like "galoot" and "knuckleheads." Borsch talks about an old friend name John who sounds at least as unamusing as our favorite editor himself, and states that he is a bona fide purveyor of bull puckey. Google suggests that you spell it "bullpucky," but hey, I'm not one to nitpick.
Well, it turns out John is interested in (surprise!) baseball. Did I mention John is bald? I hope you think that's funny, because it's the only joke there is. Borsch also uses the terms "ballgame" and "ballplayers."
Monday, August 1, 2011
A Connecticut Yankee road trip
Branching out into new territory, Borsch decides to focus this effort on the game of baseball. He disguises it as a "precious moments with my daughter"-type post, but watch what Borsch rambles on about:
Our seats in Yankee Stadium ended up being a few rows behind and a few seats over from where Derek Jeter’s 3,000th hit landed in the leftfield bleachers a few weeks ago. The Yankees’ captain was the first Yankee to reach 3,000 career hits — not Ruth, not Gehrig, not DiMaggio, not Mantle. So Jeter’s accomplishment is a pretty big deal for a franchise that’s experienced a lot of pretty big deals in its existence.
Then later, when they actually get to the University of Hartford: Notable UHART graduates include the singer Dionne Warwick and Houston Astros retired first baseman Jeff Bagwell. Really?
He talks about visiting the home of Mark Twain and tries to impress us by telling us that this was merely his pen name. Gee, such arcane knowledge! Next he'll be telling us Muhammad Ali was just a stage name, too. He says he is "a writer of substantially less note" than Twain. This officially qualifies as the understatement of the millenium. I'm not the biggest Twain fan there is, but the thought of Borsch defiling that house with his presence sickens me.
Monday, August 1, 2011
Right field 'Pence-syl-mania'
Borsch's mind is always striving to expand and improve his art. Witness this column, which delves into the heretofore untouched realm of baseball! Here - not showing any discomfort at exploring such unfamiliar territory - he discusses the arrival of outfielder Hunter "The Mantis" Pence.
Let me pause a moment to say that Borsch is not only a bad writer - he's a cowardly hypocrite as well. A mere seven days ago, he had this to say on his Twitter account: I don't know this guy who the Eagles signed and could care less. And Hunter Pence just isn't that good.
But a mere 24 hours later, he directed this Twitter comment to Pence himself: Welcome to Philly. Will be there tonight in rightfield to greet you.
I hope you greet him with only the mildest applause because, you know, he's just not that good.
[Pence] reacted to the attention by waving to the faithful, tipping his cap a couple of times and turning to acknowledge the fans several times during the game.
Woah, a gracious celeb! Who would have thought? Showing that he is, as always, the consummate writer, Borsch follows that sentence with this one:
Pence wears his pants high, to show a lot of red sock. It’s a good look for him.
First: what the hell? And second: saying someone "wears his pants high" makes you think he has the waistline up around the ribcage, not that he just rolls his socks way up. And suddenly Borsch, the man whose lack fashion sense has fueled many a column, knows what a "good look" for anyone is?
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Borsch Reviews a Toilet
OUTTA LEFTFIELD: Not a bidet-dream believer in the electronic toilet seat
Published: Tuesday, July 26, 2011
By Mike Morsch
Executive Editor
Is it a surprise that Borsch is once again writing about a "zany" invention? No. If the topic isn't baseball or a recent local concert, this is basically the only thing left in his repertoire. Another familiar Borsch trick - using song lyrics in sentences - is on full display here.
If you women think that we men monopolize the remote control now, just wait until we all run out and buy the Intelliseat, touted as “the premiere electronic toilet seat on the market today.”
WOW, guys monopolizing the remote! Could it get any fresher than this?
Oddly enough, I wasn’t even the one who discovered the existence of this product. The Blonde Accountant and Daughter of Blonde Accountant were on an advanced scouting trip to Costco for something else recently when they stumbled upon the display for the Intelliseat.
"Advanced scouting trip" is most definitely a baseball reference, although I believe the term is "advance scouting."
This is a common modern-day Borsch offering - long on detail and boring story, short on all but the lamest attempts at humor. For instance, in the next pharagraph he uses the word "schlep" and suggests that he goes to Costco only for the free food samples.
He goes on to list the features of the product (the sheer amount of detail will have you in stitches!) before writing this:
What I found humorous was that printed right on the top of the box were the words, “This end up.” That seemed like a bit of a contradiction because the product actually requires more of a “this end down” approach.
This comic gem is pretty much the high water mark for this column. We get a little jingoism while discussing the word "bidet":
Unfortunately, my knowledge of French is limited to toast, croissants and Maurice Chevalier...
The complexity of the remote control for this device baffles him - it apparently has a baffling array of controls. He then lists nine controls and states: That’s a lot of control for one remote. Has he even seen a modern television or DVD player remote?
When I was describing the various functions on the remote to The Blonde Accountant later at home, she immediately turned into a young Joan Rivers — before all the plastic surgery, of course — and did several minutes of salty and extremely funny jokes, none of which are printable here.
Rats - they would have been the first funny jokes printed in the entire history of Outta Leftfield.
It appears that the Intelliseat, while good for a few laughs, does not appear to be in my future, though. Besides, for this product to really “have my name written all over it,” it would also have to be able to report the baseball scores to me.
Wait a minute - he is a baseball fan or something? We end on a baffling note:
So I’m going to remain hopelessly old-fashioned in this area. While conducting business in the foreseeable future, I’m sticking with paper — news and toilet.
Didn't he publish a post a while back about how Montgomery Newspapers was going to be breaking new ground in online news technology? Unless he means using his own newspaper as tiolet paper. Which would be entirely appropriate.
Published: Tuesday, July 26, 2011
By Mike Morsch
Executive Editor
Is it a surprise that Borsch is once again writing about a "zany" invention? No. If the topic isn't baseball or a recent local concert, this is basically the only thing left in his repertoire. Another familiar Borsch trick - using song lyrics in sentences - is on full display here.
If you women think that we men monopolize the remote control now, just wait until we all run out and buy the Intelliseat, touted as “the premiere electronic toilet seat on the market today.”
WOW, guys monopolizing the remote! Could it get any fresher than this?
Oddly enough, I wasn’t even the one who discovered the existence of this product. The Blonde Accountant and Daughter of Blonde Accountant were on an advanced scouting trip to Costco for something else recently when they stumbled upon the display for the Intelliseat.
"Advanced scouting trip" is most definitely a baseball reference, although I believe the term is "advance scouting."
This is a common modern-day Borsch offering - long on detail and boring story, short on all but the lamest attempts at humor. For instance, in the next pharagraph he uses the word "schlep" and suggests that he goes to Costco only for the free food samples.
He goes on to list the features of the product (the sheer amount of detail will have you in stitches!) before writing this:
What I found humorous was that printed right on the top of the box were the words, “This end up.” That seemed like a bit of a contradiction because the product actually requires more of a “this end down” approach.
This comic gem is pretty much the high water mark for this column. We get a little jingoism while discussing the word "bidet":
Unfortunately, my knowledge of French is limited to toast, croissants and Maurice Chevalier...
The complexity of the remote control for this device baffles him - it apparently has a baffling array of controls. He then lists nine controls and states: That’s a lot of control for one remote. Has he even seen a modern television or DVD player remote?
When I was describing the various functions on the remote to The Blonde Accountant later at home, she immediately turned into a young Joan Rivers — before all the plastic surgery, of course — and did several minutes of salty and extremely funny jokes, none of which are printable here.
Rats - they would have been the first funny jokes printed in the entire history of Outta Leftfield.
It appears that the Intelliseat, while good for a few laughs, does not appear to be in my future, though. Besides, for this product to really “have my name written all over it,” it would also have to be able to report the baseball scores to me.
Wait a minute - he is a baseball fan or something? We end on a baffling note:
So I’m going to remain hopelessly old-fashioned in this area. While conducting business in the foreseeable future, I’m sticking with paper — news and toilet.
Didn't he publish a post a while back about how Montgomery Newspapers was going to be breaking new ground in online news technology? Unless he means using his own newspaper as tiolet paper. Which would be entirely appropriate.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
The Return! ... to a Lame Concert Review
Monday, July 18, 2011
Happy together . . . and forever after
This will be the 3rd (third) piece Borsch has oozed out regarding a single oldies concert he went to.
Before I dive into it, though, I wanted to thank "Anonymous" for asking about my unusual lull in posts. The answer: Borsch has been so boring of late that I couldn't even think of anything to say about his articles. More about this later.
My folks had quite a record collection when I was a kid in 1960s. Much if it was hip for its time — The Beatles, The Beach Boys, Elvis and the like. Mostly though, they seemed to favor music that featured harmonies.
Now I'm no musical scholar, but... doesn't "music that featured harmonies" cover a pretty broad range?
One album I absolutely wore out as a kid was “Insight Out” by The Association. It featured two wonderful songs and big hits — “Windy,” which reached No. 1 in 1967 and “Never My Love,” which climbed to No. 2 that same year.
Boring background details established? Check. Now, I'm sure, we can jump into the gut-busting comedy.
The Association was part of the 2011 Happy Together Tour that stopped at the Keswick Theater last week; I was thrilled to get a chance to hear a band that I so fondly remembered from my youth.
... any second now.
There are three current members of The Association who performed on the “Insight Out” album: Larry Ramos, Russ Giguere and Jim Yester. They are pictured as young men on the album cover.
I had interviewed Larry Ramos to preview the Keswick show and got quite a kick listening to him talk about the music of the 1960s.
See what I mean? This has been the kind of stuff he's produced over the past few weeks. Dull tales about interviewing old musicians. And don't get me wrong, I like The Association - I have "Never My Love" on my iPod. But this is terrible. How could he miss the opportunity for a pun on the name "Yester" - "Seeing Yester Brings Back Memories of Yesteryear," for example?
The copy of “Insight Out” that my folks had is long gone, but I found another original copy of the album at a record store in Chestnut Hill a few weeks before the show. I was hoping to get a chance to meet The Association guys and have them sign my album.
Come on, he can't even say something like, "I really wanted to associate with The Association"? Not even making an attempt anymore!
Fortunately, I got to do just that. But it almost didn’t happen.
Ah - suspense, thy name is Borsch.
I shared the Happy Together concert with Older Daughter, which was lucky for me. She was riding shotgun during the autograph-getting portion after the show. I had already secured the signatures of Giguere and Yester on the album cover when Ramos came out for the meet-and-greet. I was so excited to meet him that I forgot to ask him to sign the album. I’m getting older, too, I guess.
This story loses some of its punch when we already know that he will eventually get the signature. If Borsch made "The 6th Sense," he would have included a little disclaimer at the beginning: "You might think Bruce Willis is still alive during some parts of this movie. However, he's actually a ghost. Now, here's the story!"
“Dad, the album!” said Older Daughter, saving the day. The picture that accompanies this item shows Ramos completing the Association autograph trifecta for me.
My daughter, whose big-deal music group is N’SYNC, was familiar with only a few of the songs from the Happy Together show, which also included appearances by The Buckinghams (“Kind of a Drag”); The Grass Roots (“Midnight Confessions”); Mark Lindsay of Paul Revere and the Raiders (“Kicks”); and The Turtles (“Happy Together”).
Again, I'll refer to how Borsch describes himself on his own Twitter account - "Humor columnist dealing with life's little stupidities." Just be honest, sir. That's all I ask.
In addition to meeting the guys from The Association, we also got to meet Carl Giammarese of the Buckinghams and Howard Kaylan of The Turtles and get their signatures.
When I introduced Kaylan to Older Daughter, he said, “You should thank your father for introducing you to good music.”
Is this the joke? I think this is as close to a joke as we're going to get.
With all due respect to N’SYNC, Kaylan is right. There was some great, great music in the 1960s. Older Daughter and I enjoyed seeing all those talented musicians whose songs have stayed with me all these years.
You might say we were happy together.
Pah! This post began and ended on such a saccharine note I think it gave me diabetes. "Happy together... and forever after" sounds like the tagline of some drippy romantic comedy, not how you'd describe an outing with your adult daughter. And are we to believe that seeing this concert - just like keeping score during that Phillies game - will be one of those moments his daughter will relate to her grandchildren years from now?
Please also note - celebrities signing autographs and taking pictures with fans was a featured theme in this post, although he didn't rave about it as he usually does.
Labels: Keswick Theater, Mike Morsch, Montomgery Newspapers, Outta Leftfield, The Association, The Buckinghams, The Turtles
Happy together . . . and forever after
This will be the 3rd (third) piece Borsch has oozed out regarding a single oldies concert he went to.
Before I dive into it, though, I wanted to thank "Anonymous" for asking about my unusual lull in posts. The answer: Borsch has been so boring of late that I couldn't even think of anything to say about his articles. More about this later.
My folks had quite a record collection when I was a kid in 1960s. Much if it was hip for its time — The Beatles, The Beach Boys, Elvis and the like. Mostly though, they seemed to favor music that featured harmonies.
Now I'm no musical scholar, but... doesn't "music that featured harmonies" cover a pretty broad range?
One album I absolutely wore out as a kid was “Insight Out” by The Association. It featured two wonderful songs and big hits — “Windy,” which reached No. 1 in 1967 and “Never My Love,” which climbed to No. 2 that same year.
Boring background details established? Check. Now, I'm sure, we can jump into the gut-busting comedy.
The Association was part of the 2011 Happy Together Tour that stopped at the Keswick Theater last week; I was thrilled to get a chance to hear a band that I so fondly remembered from my youth.
... any second now.
There are three current members of The Association who performed on the “Insight Out” album: Larry Ramos, Russ Giguere and Jim Yester. They are pictured as young men on the album cover.
I had interviewed Larry Ramos to preview the Keswick show and got quite a kick listening to him talk about the music of the 1960s.
See what I mean? This has been the kind of stuff he's produced over the past few weeks. Dull tales about interviewing old musicians. And don't get me wrong, I like The Association - I have "Never My Love" on my iPod. But this is terrible. How could he miss the opportunity for a pun on the name "Yester" - "Seeing Yester Brings Back Memories of Yesteryear," for example?
The copy of “Insight Out” that my folks had is long gone, but I found another original copy of the album at a record store in Chestnut Hill a few weeks before the show. I was hoping to get a chance to meet The Association guys and have them sign my album.
Come on, he can't even say something like, "I really wanted to associate with The Association"? Not even making an attempt anymore!
Fortunately, I got to do just that. But it almost didn’t happen.
Ah - suspense, thy name is Borsch.
I shared the Happy Together concert with Older Daughter, which was lucky for me. She was riding shotgun during the autograph-getting portion after the show. I had already secured the signatures of Giguere and Yester on the album cover when Ramos came out for the meet-and-greet. I was so excited to meet him that I forgot to ask him to sign the album. I’m getting older, too, I guess.
This story loses some of its punch when we already know that he will eventually get the signature. If Borsch made "The 6th Sense," he would have included a little disclaimer at the beginning: "You might think Bruce Willis is still alive during some parts of this movie. However, he's actually a ghost. Now, here's the story!"
“Dad, the album!” said Older Daughter, saving the day. The picture that accompanies this item shows Ramos completing the Association autograph trifecta for me.
My daughter, whose big-deal music group is N’SYNC, was familiar with only a few of the songs from the Happy Together show, which also included appearances by The Buckinghams (“Kind of a Drag”); The Grass Roots (“Midnight Confessions”); Mark Lindsay of Paul Revere and the Raiders (“Kicks”); and The Turtles (“Happy Together”).
Again, I'll refer to how Borsch describes himself on his own Twitter account - "Humor columnist dealing with life's little stupidities." Just be honest, sir. That's all I ask.
In addition to meeting the guys from The Association, we also got to meet Carl Giammarese of the Buckinghams and Howard Kaylan of The Turtles and get their signatures.
When I introduced Kaylan to Older Daughter, he said, “You should thank your father for introducing you to good music.”
Is this the joke? I think this is as close to a joke as we're going to get.
With all due respect to N’SYNC, Kaylan is right. There was some great, great music in the 1960s. Older Daughter and I enjoyed seeing all those talented musicians whose songs have stayed with me all these years.
You might say we were happy together.
Pah! This post began and ended on such a saccharine note I think it gave me diabetes. "Happy together... and forever after" sounds like the tagline of some drippy romantic comedy, not how you'd describe an outing with your adult daughter. And are we to believe that seeing this concert - just like keeping score during that Phillies game - will be one of those moments his daughter will relate to her grandchildren years from now?
Please also note - celebrities signing autographs and taking pictures with fans was a featured theme in this post, although he didn't rave about it as he usually does.
Labels: Keswick Theater, Mike Morsch, Montomgery Newspapers, Outta Leftfield, The Association, The Buckinghams, The Turtles
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Borsch Unamusingly Gets a Hat
OUTTA LEFTFIELD: Hats amore: No need now to kick the bucket lid
Published: Tuesday, June 21, 2011
By Mike Morsch
Executive Editor
It took some doing but I finally got a new lid.
Wahoooo, what zany adventures did he have searching for a new hat? Maybe he wants to buy a ridiculous hat of some sort, and his wife advises against it? Maybe he refers to famous hats from TV shows? Maybe some of his previous hats have been, shall we say, less than stylish?
For the past few years, I’ve been going round and round with The Blonde Accountant about my choice of headgear. I have more baseball caps than I can count and I wear different ones for different occasions. She has absolutely no problem with me wearing the baseball caps.
I think he should be true to form and refer to them as "baseball ballcaps."
But for a while now, I have wanted to branch out — to have options — some different and stylish hats available that were maybe a little more sophisticated than just a ballcap.
You could just say "cap."
Besides, I’m growing a bald spot on the back of my noodle and wearing something to cover that is becoming more imperative during the summer months because the reflection is starting to blind drivers and create traffic hazards.
If he had just jammed a few more words into that sentence, just imagine how much funnier it would have been! Bald guys with shiny heads, where does he GET this stuff?
So after much pondering, I have decided to toss my hat into the ring when it comes to my favorites: the Panama straw hat, the Frank Sinatra fedora, the Rocky low rider felt hat and the Gilligan bucket hat.
Reference to TV show hat: check.
Well, none of those choices impressed The Blonde Accountant.
Wife advising against choice of hat: check.
She does not wear hats and is of the general opinion that if I didn’t wear hats either, it just might be easier for me to pull my head out once in a while.
Huh? Pull his head out? I don't get that.
“You look stupid in that hat,” was the typical refrain any time I tried one on during the thousands of shopping excursions I’ve been on with her in the past six years.
“But Frank Sinatra looked cool in this hat,” I would counter.
Wow, a proper use of "counter" as a verb! I'm starting to suspect he doesn't know any other words to use in these situations.
All together now: “Well, you’re not Frank Sinatra.”
Last summer I thought I had found the perfect hat, a Sinatra cool fedora straw hat with a blue band. It was perfect. And I’m not just talking through my hat on that.
Ha... ha... ha. "Sinatra cool fedora straw hat" is one of the worst phrases I have ever heard - "cool Sinatra straw fedora" makes about 1,000,000 times more sense.
Apparently merely invoking the name of Sinatra is not enough to get this hat onto my head in public. I still have it sitting on my dresser hoping that someday it will become acceptably fashionable for the particular coconut that I am forced to carry around. At this point, though, I’m not allowed out of the house wearing it unless I am on my way to throw it in the trash.
Previous hats not being stylish: check. "Noodle," "coconut"... how many substitutes for "head" can we use?
Throughout the whole hat discussion, I always have thought my fallback position would be the Gilligan bucket hat. Surely I couldn’t look any stupider than Gilligan in a bucket hat. Turns out I was wrong about that.
"Stupider." Nice.
But the real game changer was leaving the hat decision in the hands of The Blonde Accountant for the past year or so. And why not? She already picks out all of my clothes, so there’s no reason she can’t pick out the hats, too. I figured as long as she was the one doing the choosing, then I couldn’t look stupid wearing one of her fashion decisions.
Turns out that I was wrong about that, too. Even with the hat decision squarely in her jurisdiction, my noggin was still bare all these many months.
Read those two paragraphs again. I dare you to try and figure out what the hell he's talking about. "Noggin" - synonym #3.
That is, until Father’s Day last weekend. I finally got a hat from The Blonde Accountant. And I didn’t even have to pass the hat to get it.
See that? See what he did there? We're talking about hats, so he used a phrase that has "hat" in it. It's clever! And FUNNY!
It is indeed the bucket hat that has finally won out. It is olive in color with an orange, gray and navy blue band. Of course, I got a whole new outfit that includes a golf shirt and flat-front shorts, and the hat is a perfectly coordinated accessory. That in itself shows you how far I’ve come in my fashion sense: I now know what accessories are.
Alright, we know he's dumb, unattractive, his breath smells, he spills things, he doesn't "get" shopping, etc etc etc... but really? "What's an accessory? My wife hides the dictionary!"
According to online research, the bucket hat, also known as a fishing hat, is a soft cotton hat with a wide and downwards sloping brim. A similar hat is used by the U.S. Navy and is called a “Dixie Cup” hat.
Why did he need to research what one looks like? He has one!!!
It has other names as well. In Australia, for example, it is called a “giggle hat.” Apparently the Australians think it’s a stupid-looking hat too if it has elicited so much laughter that the word “giggle” has been worked into its name.
This is spectacularly uninteresting and unamusing.
I can’t wait to try out my new hat, especially when we go down the shore this summer. I am a shoobie by nature, so maybe the new hat will help me look a little less out of place at the shore.
I don't know what a "shoobie" is. Nor do I wish to know.
Of course, with the new bucket hat will come bucket hat head. I’m not sure how to prevent that but I am going to try to convince The Blonde Accountant that hat head would be less of a problem in an as yet unused Sinatra cool fedora straw hat with a blue band. And hey, I just happen to have one of those sitting on my dresser.
Good lord, his writing is so cumbersome! I mean, look at it - look at how he puts words together. How on Earth this man is a published writer is beyond my ken. Saying "cool fedora straw hat" is akin to saying "cool Lamborghini red car."
If she goes for that, I’ll have to tip my hat to her.
And it wouldn't be a Borsch column if he didn't end it on a cheesy pun! But what, may I ask, is the meaning of the title - "No need to kick the bucket lid"? I know he gets a bucket hat, but... what the heck? I'll list this one under "Men are Dumb," due to the fact that, once again, his wife knows more about something than he does.
Published: Tuesday, June 21, 2011
By Mike Morsch
Executive Editor
It took some doing but I finally got a new lid.
Wahoooo, what zany adventures did he have searching for a new hat? Maybe he wants to buy a ridiculous hat of some sort, and his wife advises against it? Maybe he refers to famous hats from TV shows? Maybe some of his previous hats have been, shall we say, less than stylish?
For the past few years, I’ve been going round and round with The Blonde Accountant about my choice of headgear. I have more baseball caps than I can count and I wear different ones for different occasions. She has absolutely no problem with me wearing the baseball caps.
I think he should be true to form and refer to them as "baseball ballcaps."
But for a while now, I have wanted to branch out — to have options — some different and stylish hats available that were maybe a little more sophisticated than just a ballcap.
You could just say "cap."
Besides, I’m growing a bald spot on the back of my noodle and wearing something to cover that is becoming more imperative during the summer months because the reflection is starting to blind drivers and create traffic hazards.
If he had just jammed a few more words into that sentence, just imagine how much funnier it would have been! Bald guys with shiny heads, where does he GET this stuff?
So after much pondering, I have decided to toss my hat into the ring when it comes to my favorites: the Panama straw hat, the Frank Sinatra fedora, the Rocky low rider felt hat and the Gilligan bucket hat.
Reference to TV show hat: check.
Well, none of those choices impressed The Blonde Accountant.
Wife advising against choice of hat: check.
She does not wear hats and is of the general opinion that if I didn’t wear hats either, it just might be easier for me to pull my head out once in a while.
Huh? Pull his head out? I don't get that.
“You look stupid in that hat,” was the typical refrain any time I tried one on during the thousands of shopping excursions I’ve been on with her in the past six years.
“But Frank Sinatra looked cool in this hat,” I would counter.
Wow, a proper use of "counter" as a verb! I'm starting to suspect he doesn't know any other words to use in these situations.
All together now: “Well, you’re not Frank Sinatra.”
Last summer I thought I had found the perfect hat, a Sinatra cool fedora straw hat with a blue band. It was perfect. And I’m not just talking through my hat on that.
Ha... ha... ha. "Sinatra cool fedora straw hat" is one of the worst phrases I have ever heard - "cool Sinatra straw fedora" makes about 1,000,000 times more sense.
Apparently merely invoking the name of Sinatra is not enough to get this hat onto my head in public. I still have it sitting on my dresser hoping that someday it will become acceptably fashionable for the particular coconut that I am forced to carry around. At this point, though, I’m not allowed out of the house wearing it unless I am on my way to throw it in the trash.
Previous hats not being stylish: check. "Noodle," "coconut"... how many substitutes for "head" can we use?
Throughout the whole hat discussion, I always have thought my fallback position would be the Gilligan bucket hat. Surely I couldn’t look any stupider than Gilligan in a bucket hat. Turns out I was wrong about that.
"Stupider." Nice.
But the real game changer was leaving the hat decision in the hands of The Blonde Accountant for the past year or so. And why not? She already picks out all of my clothes, so there’s no reason she can’t pick out the hats, too. I figured as long as she was the one doing the choosing, then I couldn’t look stupid wearing one of her fashion decisions.
Turns out that I was wrong about that, too. Even with the hat decision squarely in her jurisdiction, my noggin was still bare all these many months.
Read those two paragraphs again. I dare you to try and figure out what the hell he's talking about. "Noggin" - synonym #3.
That is, until Father’s Day last weekend. I finally got a hat from The Blonde Accountant. And I didn’t even have to pass the hat to get it.
See that? See what he did there? We're talking about hats, so he used a phrase that has "hat" in it. It's clever! And FUNNY!
It is indeed the bucket hat that has finally won out. It is olive in color with an orange, gray and navy blue band. Of course, I got a whole new outfit that includes a golf shirt and flat-front shorts, and the hat is a perfectly coordinated accessory. That in itself shows you how far I’ve come in my fashion sense: I now know what accessories are.
Alright, we know he's dumb, unattractive, his breath smells, he spills things, he doesn't "get" shopping, etc etc etc... but really? "What's an accessory? My wife hides the dictionary!"
According to online research, the bucket hat, also known as a fishing hat, is a soft cotton hat with a wide and downwards sloping brim. A similar hat is used by the U.S. Navy and is called a “Dixie Cup” hat.
Why did he need to research what one looks like? He has one!!!
It has other names as well. In Australia, for example, it is called a “giggle hat.” Apparently the Australians think it’s a stupid-looking hat too if it has elicited so much laughter that the word “giggle” has been worked into its name.
This is spectacularly uninteresting and unamusing.
I can’t wait to try out my new hat, especially when we go down the shore this summer. I am a shoobie by nature, so maybe the new hat will help me look a little less out of place at the shore.
I don't know what a "shoobie" is. Nor do I wish to know.
Of course, with the new bucket hat will come bucket hat head. I’m not sure how to prevent that but I am going to try to convince The Blonde Accountant that hat head would be less of a problem in an as yet unused Sinatra cool fedora straw hat with a blue band. And hey, I just happen to have one of those sitting on my dresser.
Good lord, his writing is so cumbersome! I mean, look at it - look at how he puts words together. How on Earth this man is a published writer is beyond my ken. Saying "cool fedora straw hat" is akin to saying "cool Lamborghini red car."
If she goes for that, I’ll have to tip my hat to her.
And it wouldn't be a Borsch column if he didn't end it on a cheesy pun! But what, may I ask, is the meaning of the title - "No need to kick the bucket lid"? I know he gets a bucket hat, but... what the heck? I'll list this one under "Men are Dumb," due to the fact that, once again, his wife knows more about something than he does.
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