New "Outta Leftfield" Subject: Baseball

Friday, August 12, 2011
Kruk, Williams solidify 'character' personas

We may have discussed how to swing a bat, we may have discussed going to a Yankess game, and we may have discussed Hunter Pence... but I never would have guessed that Borsch would pull this topic out of his hat! BASEBALL!

Remember those two old guy muppets on “The Muppet Show” — their names are Statler and Waldorf — who heckled the rest of the cast from the balcony, then yukked it up at their own jokes?

"Yukked." We're off to a roaring start.

Well, meet the modern-day Statler and Waldorf — Mitch Williams and John Kruk, mainstays of the 1993 Philadelphia Phillies squad that lost the World Series to the Toronto Blue Jays when Williams gave up a series-ending home run to Joe Carter. (Boo-boo, hiss-hiss.)

This is an idiotic statement in several ways. First off, Statler and Waldorf watched someone else's act and mocked it. So unless Williams and Kruk are watching a game and making fun of the players, the comparison doesn't even work. Second, they're making a Muppets movie right now. I'm pretty sure Statler and Waldorf will be in it. Statler and Waldorf are the modern-day Statler and Waldorf, not two untalented talking heads.

Put microphones in front of these two, sit back and prepare to be entertained.

Well hey, they're not Dennis Miller, after all. What is it, Borsch, no remarks about how much fatter Kruk is than you would expect? Maybe you could say they weren't quite as amusing as you had hoped?

They’ve known each other for a long time. Both talk baseball for a living now — Kruk for ESPN’s “Baseball Tonight” and Williams for MLB Network — and both are real characters.

What does one sentence have to do with the other? "These guys are old friends. Here are their jobs."

Kruk in particular has that “grumpy old guy” thing down, even though he’s only 50 years old. You expect him to shout, “Hey you kids, get off my lawn!” at any moment.

Ah, that's the first time we've heard that joke! Really, Borsch, if you're going to call yourself a "humor columnist," you should really have more than one joke per subject. "Old guys? Reference 'getting off lawn' joke." Comedy gold!

During their playing careers, neither Kruk nor Williams was all that fond of answering questions from reporters. But I happened to be standing next to former Phillies pitcher Tommy Greene while Kruk and Williams answered questions from the audience during that part of the festivities.

Again, how do these two sentences relate??? "They don't like answering questions. But I stood next to some guy." Is he writing this column on morphine or something?

Here's an example of the absolutely side-splitting riffs that these two comedic geniuses go off on. Move over, Don Rickles!

“Joe Carter is one of those rare right-handed hitters who likes the ball down and in,” Williams told the crowd. “I knew that, so that pitch was supposed to be up and away.”
“Missed by just a little bit, huh?” Kruk added.

"Added" really isn't the appropriate verb, there. And I'm sure they haven't had that exact same exchange 6,578 other times during public appearances.

Har-har-hardy-har-har. These guys should add a drummer to their act just for the rim shots.

Why, because they had one "funny" exchange? I love how we're supposed to buy their modern-day Statler and Waldorf credentials based on this one quote.

Blue collar guys for a blue collar city. They should never have to buy another beer in this town for as long as they live.

Aaaaaand slam on the breaks! Post's over. He goes from saying how hilarious they are, to providing one example of said hilarity, to saying that they should get free beers for life. Mr. Borsch, as always, is earning his pay.