Fact vs. Fiction

Tuesday, May 18, 2010
I'm done with these TV dramas

YES! We've heard Morsch's opinions on baseball... we've heard his opinions on novelty holidays and the Three Stooges... and now we'll be treated to his undoubtedly fascinating thoughts on prime-time dramas.

I’ve pretty much had it with television dramas.

Just in case you didn't get the idea from, you know, the title of the article.

In particular, my days of watching “Grey’s Anatomy” and its spinoff, “Private Practice,” as well as “Desperate Housewives” and “Brothers and Sisters,” are over.

"Grey's Anatomy" is still on the air? You could have fooled me.

Why? Well, too much drama for me. Duh, that’s why those shows are called dramas, huh?

Oh... so wait... is he admitting how pointless his own column is?

I really don’t have much invested in “Grey’s” or “Housewives.” If I miss those two, I don’t lose sleep. I like “Brothers and Sisters” because I like watching Sally Field and Rob Lowe perform. I go all the way back to Ms. Field’s film performance with Burt Reynolds in “Smokey and the Bandit” and I like Lowe’s character on “West Wing” several years ago.

Two things that are not a big surprise: Morsch likes the "zany" 70's hijinx of "Smokey and the Bandit," and he enjoys the leftist fantasy drama "West Wing."

And I started to follow “Private Practice” from its inception because of Kate Walsh (Dr. Addison Montgomery), who I had the opportunity to interview during the 2008 presidential campaign when she was in Montgomery County stumping for President Obama.

Fantastic. Not only does Morsch show his abject devotion to those who allow him to "interview" them (if his interviewing skills are like all of his other newspaper-related skills... well, you know what I'm getting at), but gee, a lib member of the press fawning over a Hollywood person stumping for Obama. More like Outta Cliche-field.

Ms. Walsh was very gracious and articulate during the interview. I would be remiss in my job if I also didn’t report that she is what we in journalism call “very humma humma” in the looks department. (Just doing my job there folks.)

I repeat - how in the world can this man be married? TWICE? Does he order these women from Albania or something?

But it was “Private Practice” that finally put me over the edge. In this year’s season finale, there was an accident (there are always accidents in TV dramas, which of course is no accident);

Hold the phone - you mean the fact that THINGS HAPPEN on TV is planned - as in, SCRIPTED??? Morsch has just blown the lid off this whole "drama" industry.

a pregnant teenage in the accident, forcing the doctors to choose between saving the baby or operating on the mother’s spinal injury so she would not lose the use of her legs; an engagement, ill-timed at best; all kinds of romantic feelings flying between the characters; and the death of one of the regular characters on the show.

Does Morsch watch "Lost"? From what I understand of the show's increasingly ridiculous plotline, it would take a paragraph three times that length to describe it.

All in one episode.

And what with memorizing the statistics of every Phillies player ever, there is precious little room in Morsch's brain for all those goings-on.

And then Lowe’s character on “Brothers and Sisters” died in a horrific multi-car crash in the same week as well.

I'm having a great time imagining Morsch spitting his beer and peanuts all over the place in fury: "Slow down! Too much happening! Need more pie fights!"

It was too much for me. Real life is difficult enough, filled with challenges and tragedies.

But no tragedy so terrible as the fictional death of a make-believe person played by Rob Lowe.

I am no longer am interested in being reminded that real life can stink.

"I am no longer am interested"... This may come as a shock to Morsch, but in "the biz" of writing things that will be published, it's customary to review your articles for horrible errors like these.

From here on out, I’m sticking to watching the Phillies on TV.

Oh for Pete's sake! I can't believe I didn't see this coming. I hate to break it to you Morsch, but the Phillies can lose games - tragedy! Players can be released - drama! - or retire - more tragedy! Old players, like the almost inhumanly noble Robin Roberts, can actually die. And those are real-life things. Isn't that worse?

If they stink, I’ll just turn the channel to something less dramatic and more cerebral . . . professional rasslin’.

Do you think that Morsch knows what an "ending" is? When they covered "beginning, middle and end" in school, did he miss the third day or something?

Labels: " Outta Leftfield, Brothers and Sisters, Desperate Housewives, Grey's Anatomy, Kate Walsh, Mike Morsch, Montgomery Newspapers, Private Practice, Rob Lowe