The Worst Ever

Tuesday, May 25, 2010
A big night out in Ambler

I'm calling it right now - this won't be a "column," but rather a blow-by-blow account of what he did and where he went, maybe interspersed with a reference to beer or poop. My theory on these columns is that the demand of writing something "humorous" twice a week is too great for poor Morsch, and so he falls back on a play, a spelling bee, or something of that nature.

One doesn’t need to travel into Philadelphia to have a really nice evening out. There are a lot of options in the suburbs, every one just as pleasing as the next.

I would disagree - surely there must be some degree of difference between them. Without the poor ones, you wouldn't know what the good ones were.

But I have to hand it to Ambler. What a great job the borough has done offering a big night out on the small town.

Ah, so there IS a difference. Really, the sentence should have read, "There are a lot of options, every one just as pleasing as the next, except Ambler, which is even more pleasing."

Finding a quality place to eat downtown is no problem. (Shameless Promotion Alert): There is the Trax Restaurant and Café, The Shanachie Irish Pub, Bridget’s Steakhouse, From the Boot and Dettera Restaurant and Wine Bar.

As I have noted before, it's not a "shameless" promotion to say that he enjoyed a restaurant, unless he owns it or something. I've eaten at Trax - it's overpriced. Shanachie is actually good. Also, following a parenthesis with a colon is bad form. Think about it. It doesn't make sense.

In addition, there are two wonderful entertainment venues in the Act II Playhouse and the Ambler Theater.

I was at Act II for a play festival in college; the bathrooms were nice, but otherwise I can't comment on it. If you like unenjoyable arthouse fare, the Ambler Theater is definitely the place for you. I'm guessing Morsch is attracted by their occasional Three Stooges festivals.

For The Blonde Accountant’s birthday we went to dinner at Dettera’s. It was our first time there, and really, it was superb. The food and service was as good as anything one would find in Philadelphia.

The story so far: "The suburbs can be fun. There are good places to eat in Ambler, and a few theaters. The place we ate at was good."

We then went to see “The Story of My Life” at Act II. What a wonderfully written and acted play in an absolutely first-rate venue.

It doesn't have a backstage. I think that might be one qualification for being "absolutely" first-rate.

The play’s run has been extended through this weekend, so you’ve still got a chance to see some quality theater.

Hey, Morsch - what was it about? Was it a comedy? A tragedy? Care to tell us anything else about this, the one possibly interesting part of your story?

No?

There are a number of restaurants in Montgomery County that we enjoy, too numerous to mention here. And we’ve long been fans of the Sellersville Theater 1894 and the Keswick Theater in Glenside for quality entertainment.

... But those places aren't in Ambler. And you didn't go to them that night. You're wandering off the topic of your already topic-less post.

There really aren’t enough adjectives to describe the opportunities we have here right in our own back yard. But this time, special kudos goes out to Ambler and what it has to offer.

Okay, this is repeating what he's already said. "Everywhere is great; Ambler is also great (possibly greater)."

Adjectives used in the story so far:
Really nice
Pleasing
Great
Quality
Wonderful
Superb
(As) Good (as anything one would find in Philadelphia)
Wonderful(ly written)
Absolutely first-rate
Quality (again)

So when Morsch says there aren't enough adjectives to describe something... he means that he as literally exhausted his limited stock of adjectives.

And even better, I didn’t pay an arm and a leg to park for the evening and after the festivities ended, I was home in 10 minutes.

"Festivities"? You mean, eating and seeing a play?

That’s just beautimous.

So when he runs out of words, he just makes them up.

You gotta be kidding me. This column clocks in at 288 words. Interesting words: 0. Double spaced in 12-point Times New Roman, it barely exceeds one page. This is an 8th-grade composition assignment, and at best I'd give it a C. Morsch doesn't even try to get all artsy, pondering the nature of suburban America or bemoaning urban sprawl. In short, this sucks.

Labels: Act II Playhouse, Ambler Theater, Bridget's Steakhouse, Dettera Restaurant, Mike Morsch, Montgomery Newspapers, Outta Leftfield, The Shanachie Irish Pub, Trax Restaurant

I'm looking forward to all those future columns featuring the Dettera Restaurant, aren't you?