A Rough One

OUTTA LEFTFIELD: Blowing the lid off the Six Degrees of Toilet-Seat-Hat-Wearing Princesses
Published: Wednesday, May 25, 2011
By Mike Morsch
Executive Editor

Just pause for a moment, if you will, and reflect on how horrifying and disgusting this title is. The imagery here is grotesque.

Forget all that Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon stuff. Turns out I’m only one degree from Queen Elizabeth, although I will readily admit that her royal highness is neither the actor nor the musician that Mr. Bacon has become.

So wouldn't a more accurate title be "...the Six Degrees of Queen Elizabeth"? I guess that toilet-seat-hat thing was just too hilarious to pass up!

I didn’t mention anything about my connection to the Queen during the recent royal wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton because I did not have the appropriate headgear to be considered a legitimate part of the conversation surrounding the royal soiree.

He used this "don't have the right headgear" joke like a half dozen times on Twitter. Recycled material? Borsch? I know, I was surprised too.

But apparently, Princess Beatrice did. The eldest daughter of Prince Andrew and Sarah Ferguson wore a hat to the wedding that was described in some media accounts as “a toilet seat hat.”

I have to admit - this column got to me. It's so incredibly boring, so devoid of comedy, and so full of dull, plodding Borschian detail that I couldn't handle doing the whole thing. Cliche highlights!

Borsch refers to his purportedly hilarious college exploits
Why, in college, I could be regularly found wearing a toilet seat as a necklace, so a toilet seat is nothing new as a fashion accessory.

Borsch refers to his rural Midwestern background
Nearly 11 years ago, I sat with Sarah Ferguson for a one-on-one interview... and that makes me one degree from the Queen and the young princess. Now really, how many people do you know raised in the Illinois sticks and educated in the Iowa cornfields who can say that?

Borsch uses cultural stereotypes
That is a snootful of potential English snootiness in one room... I could induce neither of them to utter the phrase, “Pip, pip cheerio and all that rot"...

Following the progress of the column so far? He's connected to the Queen because he once interviewed Fergie. He then goes into a looooooong and laaaaaaame story about how the phrase "happy as Larry" came to be. It's several paragraphs long and contribues nothing to the narrative.

And that’s the story on how I can claim to be one degree from Queen Elizabeth and her toilet-seat-hat-wearing granddaughter.

Which means that I’m only one degree removed from … a royal flush. And if you didn’t know I was going there with that story, you haven’t been paying attention.

Paying attention to what, exactly? The story about Sarah Ferguson, which had virtually nothing to do with the toilet-seat-hat thing? His brand of comedy in general? I like how he tries to make it seem like we are the dumb ones if we don't foresee his lame tacked-on pun.