Morsch Minimalism

Monday, July 12, 2010
Raising bleach awareness

Based on the preview on his Twitter account, I already know that this article involves that most common of Morsch topics: the Phillies. I also know it is incredibly short. Neither fact is very promising.

While watching the news report of the Phillies last win before the All-Star break, The Blonde Accountant raised a question: “Who thought it was a good idea to put baseball players in white pants?”

Because white is less hot and baseball is played in the summer? Easier to see from the stands? Better contrast for team colors?

I gave the standard, simplistic answer, mostly because I couldn’t come up with a snappy comment. “The home team wears white uniforms and the visiting team wears gray uniforms.”

Like this is a topic that comes up often at the Morsch household. Also, note how he once again portrays himself as a helpless boob in the face of his wife's questioning.

But her perspective was different. Ballplayers play in the dirt and their white uniforms get dirty. But the Phillies have red pinstripes in their white uniforms, which The Blonde Accountant said would prevent the uniforms from being bleached.

We're like halfway through the post here and it's still the prologue. I'm guessing we'll never learn the secret of how baseball players get their uniforms clean.

I don’t believe I’ve ever thought of using the word “bleach” in the same sentence as “baseball.” Of course my mom and many other moms — who have spent years washing dirty baseball uniforms — probably think otherwise.

Ah, single-minded men! All we care about are sports, and all women care about is doing the wash.

“I can understand a doctor wearing a white coat, because when it gets dirty, it can be bleached,” said The Blonde Accountant. “But the red stripes in the Phillies pants would prevent them from being bleached.”

I'm sorry, did I miss that when you said "But the Phillies have red pinstripes in their white uniforms, which The Blonde Accountant said would prevent the uniforms from being bleached" one paragraph ago?

I will defer to her bleach expertise. After all, I wash the colors with the whites, so bleach doesn’t even figure into my laundry equation.

Alright already! I get that Morsch can't do wash. But now, prepare to be astounded at some arcane trivia about why the uniforms are white and how they are successfully laundered between games!

And really, we do have more substantive conversations during the 11 o’clock news. It just so happens this wasn’t one of those times.

The end! This post was literally the story of a two-sentence conversation Morsch had with his wife. How the mighty have fallen.

Labels: " Outta Leftfield, Mike Morsch, Montomgery Newspapers

Note that "baseball," "bleach," "uniforms," etc were not tagged.