Enter Mr. Lileks

Everyone knows who James Lileks is, right? Well for those of you who don't... here he is!

I felt that would be a good way to bring you into the world of Lileks, because that's his style - he rattles off meaningless details in a quick, wry manner, tries to make them seem profound, and makes a few stabs at humor. Here's the transcript, in case you couldn't keep up:

And generally I'm used to a diner that has the long boomerang pattern formica counter, but this'll do.

You just know he thinks he's a genius for being able to rattle off details and brand names so fast. So erudite! He's practically the second coming of Don DeLillo. And note "but this'll do," which usually indicates that, although you're not entirely pleased, you're perhaps somewhat satisfied.

This'll do even better.

... Oh. "This isn't what I like, but it's okay. It's SO okay, actually, that it's superior!"

It's got all the basics. It actually has the little ridges of metal here. It's got the seats you can spin around and make yourself dizzy.

Metal ridges! Spinning seats! Please find a diner not featuring these items. Anywhere.

It's got coffee that'll spin you around and make you dizzy if you drink enough of it.

Lileks looks at life like a 1960's movie. "Coffee's strong today, Mabel! Good thing I've got my Camels to take the edge off."

Heaps of food to come - hash browns, English muffins, mounds of eggs with sausage. This is perfect.

Wait a minute - a DINER that serves FOOD??? He has truly stumbled onto something here.

I have fallen in love with Denver pretty much, from the start when I got here, but coming to Sam's #3 has cinched the deal. If it weren't for Minneapolis, this is the place where I'd go, this is the place where I'd write, this is the place where I might even broadcast if they didn't kick me out for running a competing, fictional diner while they were trying to carry on with the business of doing the real thing.

Brevity is the soul of wit, Polonius.

If you got the impression from his meaningless rant that Lileks is a self-important windbag who styles himself a master of all things obscure and cultural, you'd be right.